Can you afford to hire help?  If so, go ahead and do it.  If you're overwhelmed and exhausted, something's got to give.  While there are families where everyone is willing to help (my mom will drop everything and drive over an hour to watch SD for me if I have a doctor's appointment, for instance), many aren't like that at all.  Rather than be angry with them (and I think your anger is misplaced, as they have no obligation to help), you could hire help, let the house go and just focus for now on you and BD, or get your husband to help more.  Ultimately you and your husband are responsible for your immediate family.  If others are willing to help, that's great, but to expect them to help isn't realistic (unless you help them to an extent that it's reasonable to expect that help to be reciprocated).

I totally understand. I am raising mine with no help and I've had nights/DAYS like the ones you're having. I was a single mother when I was pregnant w/ the 3rd. We split right after I found out I was pregnant. My other two were both toddlers. I remember yelling at them and I felt the same. I so get how you feel. It's hard. I know that this is not helpful right now, but I hit the point where if I didn't think, that's how I survived. I would just "do" instead of think, if that makes sense. Then at night is when I'd have reflection period but I understand snapping. It happens. She won't remember this and I'm sure you're an awesome mom. She'll remember all of that. It's hard. So hard. Especially when you're alone/even if your husband is working a lot, you still feel alone. 

I am living far from my family, same from DH's, thanks God. And to be honest, despite all difficulties from parenting without their help, I am happy that we can at least raise one child as WE want and not as my mother or MIL want.

I have a nanny three times a week, when I am at the gym with my DH. Plus kindergarten when I work. Weekends I usually spend with my DH and daughter, but when DH is visiting his kid, I am also having a nanny for couple of hours, so I could enjoy some massage or other nice things for myself.

Your parents have no more obligation towards you, you are a grown up women, wife and mother. Now everything is based on the relationship you have managed to build, nothing else.

I get this. My mom moved 3,000 miles away when I was in my second trimester. My son is her only grandchild. She came up for a week when I was due, sat around while my 41 week pregnant ass served her, and was back on a plane three hours after he was born. Good times.

My MIL is so far up SIL's butt "helping" her function as an adult that she rarely has time to help us with babysitting. She has promised all kinds of help, but usually flakes out last minute in favor of watching SIL's kids.

Thankfully, my brother and SIL freaking rock. They take the kiddo one weekend a month, whether we have something going on or not. I have two close friends I can also count on for a little assistance now and then watching the rugrat. 

My kid may be lacking in the grandparent department, but his uncle and all his "aunties" will ensure he has a big family, rich with love.

If you have some good friends in your circle, could you swap kid watching duties with them? You can create a family for the kiddos with whomever you want.

ETA: and wtf?!? They can't even bring a freaking casserole over for you to heat up so at least you're not on your feet cooking dinner? I'm sorry your family sucks. BTDT, have the therapy bills to prove it.

You can't change people or their actions/inactions.  All you can do is change your reaction.

It's clear that for whatever reason, your relatives (including your side of the family) can't be or won't be responsive to your request for some respite assistance.  It may be because they don't want to.. it may be because whenever you need it, they have other things going on.  Shoot, maybe they don't like you (??).  It really doesn't matter the reason, you know you cannot count on them to be there when you need it.

So.. it does sound like you would benefit from at least a small amount of help. 

Back in the day, there was a concept of a "mother's helper".. maybe a young teen girl in the neighborhood that could do a bit of help with the kids to keep them out of mom's hair so she could get things done.  My YSD kind of acted in this capacity for people across the street who had kids a few years younger than her.. they would have her over while they worked (it was a seafood operation).. she played with them and was just old enough to "watch them" with the parent still being right there.

So.. maybe there is a responsible girl in your neighborhood you could have in a few afternoons a week for 2-3 hours to help keep your daughter occupied... pay her 25 dollars to do that a day? 

I think if you can plan some regular respite.. maybe you can save some stuff to get done during that time and can get through knowing some help will be around?

Really?  Parenting without help from family is what adults do. At least most of them.

My parents never lived nearer than several thousands of miles from either of their families.   My parents did fine with their three boys.

My wife and I rarely lived nearer than several thousands of miles from either or our families for most of our marriage.  And we did fine raising our son (My SS-26 who I adopted).

My younger brother and his wife have rarely lived nearer than several thousands of miles from either of their families for most of their marriage.  They have done fine.

By contrast... my DW's sibs and their spouses all live within a few miles of each other and both sides of their families and they are pretty much F-d u p beyond all recognition as far as successful parenting is concerned.  My eldest BIL and his wife are doing pretty well and their kids are fairly unscathed by the toxic crap... but it took years of crap before BIL and his wife stepped up and began raising their children on their own rather than crying to both of their parents and sibs for help.

My SS's Spermidiot and the SpermClan have collectively raised my SS's three younger also out of wedlock half sibs by two other baby mamas. All three of those kids have followed the path of their shallow and polluted gene pool and are so screwed up the odds of them ever being viable adults, at 23, 21 and 19, are about slim and none. 

I am team step up, adult and raise children as a couple rather than sucking  family into the process. It is too easy for others to pollute your parenting efforts if you engage too much family "help".

Just my thoughts of course.

Good luck.

Op,

I hear ya. I am not a parent, but I do have a friend who has NO help/support from her immediate family and it can really bother her, understandably. She is surrounded by coworkers who just can’t seem to get enough of their own grandkids, meanwhile, her parents live 2 miles away and never call or check up on her or her kids. It sounds so cold. 

I am sorry about your family. I’d almost be tempted to tell them  that it would be best to not ask you for any help in the future, because you reap what you sow. 

Hang in there. 

My baby son is 5 months old and I live on the other side of the planet from my parents. Even if I did live round the corner, I know for a fact my mum wouldn’t help out. She’s just not the ‘motherly/grandmotherly’ type.

Motherhood certainly can be lonely at times. My husband’s dad keeps calling round and banging on the door when it is nap time which drives me insane so be careful what you wish for!

I agree with what others have said about getting a babysitter for a few hours a week or someone to help out as you are struggling with your foot. I have thought about doing that myself lol. Someone in my mothers group continually offers to mind other people’s babies- I find that a bit suspicious. Been watching too many crime docos for my own good

Got about 3/4 into the responses.

In a way, I agree with Capricorn BUT in others I do not.

IMO we do need a village, without it we've seen a huge decline in society IMO.

There's also the opposite where you have whiny sahm's with one kid and needs constant breaks from both grandmothers (my SIL comes to mind) the biggest whiniest baby who should have never had kids if she didn't want to parent.  Her mom travelled from 2hrs away- my mom from 30 mins away all to help her out constantly w/her 1st and then 2nd and she did not work...she was just a spoiled lazy ass princess.

I worked full time and I thank god everyday my mom was able to help raise my children (though as soon as they hit 2-3 they went to a part time day care).  My mom has always been one of those very involved grandmothers who loves helping everyone -I mean seriously, they don't make them like her anymore ha!  That said the 'down' side is having her want to control or have too much input in one owns' parenting-we had our share of big time fights when kids were younger.

The caveat is this to me-BROKEN ANKLE!  I don't know if Capricorn has ever had this happen.  You have NO IDEA how much of a life changer it is until it happens to you-granted from her description hers wasn't nearly as bad as mine but let me tell you....I cried happiness tears when I could finally shower on my own on a shower chair.

I was complete non weight bearing for weeks and in tremendous agony-full body because of compensation from the scooter.  My mom helped by bringing meals, transporting my sons, runnign errands, you name it.  

It would take me literally 30 mins sometimes just to get to a bathroom and wipe my arse or make myself a sandwich....it was hell!   I had therapy and dr appts and on pain meds.  I lost weight (that was the only bonus ha!) lost muscle tone- you are INCREDIBLY tired, because everything in your body goes towards healing your bones.  Everything takes so much more time/effort/patience-it's mentally incredibly hard (And I've been through some serious medical problems and even miscarriages) this was THE hardest I've had.  You get depressed, you are very tired, you are emotional, and for God's sake the woman is PREGNANT- that just adds a ton of layers of difficulty. 

She's venting- her village is shitty, she's disabled right now and may be for months.  I'm now 5 months out and still limp, still do physical therapy, still have to use a rollator once in a while and compression socks....you have no idea how bad this injury is and how it limits what you can do or have the energy.

The 1st couple weeks I slept and slept - you are supposed to elevate above your heart pretty  much 24/7 btw or it delays healing big time and can cause complications from not properly caring for it.  YOu need to ice, elevate, rest...sleep, bing tv.  I had dogs to care for and teens...if I had a toddler and pregnant and NO help I would have lost my ever loving mind.

I had torn ligaments, 3 breaks and major surgery with screws/plates.   If you've never been through something like this just shut the hell up because you have no idea how hard it is and how much you take for granted your health and mobility and ability to come/go as you please.  I couldn't drive for 14 weeks!!!  I worked from home too.  

OP sorry for the rant- but hell.....these posts are pissing me the heck off.....you're in need right now- a little help from the selfish bitches wouldn't hurt anyone.  And YES they are selfish- YES if your daughter is injured you help. That's what a good parent does.  I guess I have the best mom in the world-and she's 76yrs old, recently widowed and luckily in great health (though has depression).  She runs circles around most.