Is this happening every weekend?  If so, your SO is absolutely correct.  You are spending your WEs with your X rather than with your SO.

On the other hand, if the visitation is under a CO, it had to happen.  If I were you I would shift the visitation to EOWE rather than EWE if it in fact happening EWE.

It would help to know how your  BF responds to your other friendships and activities? Do you spent time with other people, family or friends, without him? Or are you together 100% of the time outside of work?

I guess I'm looking for patterns. If he is jealous and controlling of ALL your time, then you have a bigger problem. If the situation is only surrounding visitation with your exDH then maybe there is some compromising that needs to happen. Can someone else supervise the visits periodically? And, why won't he go to your mom's with you?

His accusation about something going on between you and your ex is concerning, but again, this coin has two sides. Is he unreasonably jealous of ANY man you talk with, male coworkers, other exBFs, accuse you of flirting with waiters, etc.? Or, do you communicate frequently with your ex during the week, and your BF thinks it's excessive?

Two things. First, it sounds as if he's pretty controlling because he wants your time and attention ANY time he's free. Doesn't he have hobbies or friends? Second, it also sounds as if he's spoiling for a fight. He's making wild accusations but won't go with you to see that there's nothing untoward happening. Why would he do that? Is it possible that he's the one cheating? 

I will start by saying that the fact your boyfriend doesn't trust you is concerning.  You've told him there's nothing going on with you and your ex, and he doesn't believe you.  It's 3 hours one day a week, and your mother is there.  You've invited him to come along.  Not to mention it's court ordered and he's known about the court order!  A guy who doesn't trust you under those circumstances is too controlling for me, and it's a huge red flag IMO.  You say you don't go out much because you have your kids all the time.  Is this the only time you go out?  Are you seeing friends and your family otherwise? Does he try to restrict your time with anyone other than the ex?

It sounds like you have plenty of time with your boyfriend (including all but those three hours every Saturday now that he's not working then), but every weekend visitation IS a PITA.  It means you can never go away for a weekend, never have a free weekend with your BF without another obligation, etc.  How long do you and your ex expect this to be the schedule?  Will he eventually have overnights, or a schedule that doesn't include time every single weekend?  

He's manufacturing unnecessary drama.  No one has the time or energy for stupid crap like this.

I swear, the older I get, the less tolerance I have for this type of nonsense.  It's exhausting.

One does BF pay CS ?   Two. You divorced the BF because of durg using , Now he clean that reason is gone.  At one time you were in love with BF. At one time you had feelings for BF.  Now you,  the kids, your mom are playing Happy Family. And BF is paying for it. He has his weekend control by BF.  
 

looks like you want the best of both worlds,  playing with the ex and BF.  There is no need for you yo see the ex every week. 
 

Then where do you go from here?  He's invited to, Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, 4 of July, ground hog day ? 

If BF wants to see his kids he should make his own arrangements for that. He needs to find someone to supervisor the visits.  He should pick up the kids and return them home.  Not you playing coach, making all the arrangements.

There should be CS and other expenses paid you the kids. Medical , childcare ect. 
 

You can not let your past marriage effect your present relationship.  My wife ex never paid CS ( can't get blood from a rock ) I was told.  I wasn't going to pay her gas and expenses to bring the kids to see the ex.  if he wanted to see the kids, knowing he was an adult, it was up to him to figure it out. And paid for it 

And I have a very different take than others.

FLmom, a year ago you came on STalk for advice about your BF in relation to your kids. Each posting has been about your problems with your BF and seems like you are looking for more ammo to shoot at him. You don't need more ammo.  In fact, you don't need ammo at all.  What you need is a very clear mirror to look into and realize that you need to get your priorities in order.

I think a year ago there were many people who had given you good advice as to why you got involved with your BF too quickly and were moving too fast.  Some even suggested therapy. I would agree.  Your primary focus should have been, and should still be, your children. I'm sure you agree with that, as anyone would.  So why are you still in this relationship?  

Face facts: Your situation is not an easy one for anyone to deal with.  You have two small children with a man who will have lifelong problems related to his drug use and conviction. 

Your ex served time in prison/jail for drugs and your BF is in the military. I can understand why he does not want to go with you for your visitation since your exDH is a convicted criminal.  Don't you know that can be a real problem for someone in the military?  He cannot be put in a position where he has frequent contact with a convicted person without reporting it. If he doesn't, it could have serious consequences for him. 

I know this may come across as harsh but I do believe in tough love.  And in being succinct.  So here is my advice:  Do both yourself, your boyfriend and most importantly - your children - a favor and end this relationship NOW.  You were thinking about it a year ago and you are still pondering it.  What don't you understand?  You are trying to mix oil and water and it's not going to mix. Do the honorable and decent thing and tell your BF it's over.  

Then focus on your children and help them build whatever kind of healthy relationship they can with their father for the next few years.  THIS should be your priority and where your mindset is - not trying to figure out how to "fix" a relationship that's always been broken.  You've made it clear for more than a year now that you do not like your BF's attitudes/actions regarding your kids. I'd suggest that it isn't just your BF's issue - it's yours, too.  You should not have entered into a relationship so quickly and you should not be in one now, either.  You didn't really come to a healthy resolution about the sinking ship that was your marriage and your DH's drug abuse, and immediately went out and jumped right on another ship - which is also sinking now. 

What's the common denominator? Could it be that you have judgment problems?  Be honest ... your kids future depends on it.  If you can admit that you don't, then you shouldn't be in a relationship now.  

P.S. Keep in mind that STalk is primarily for issues that stepparents are having with stepkids so that is typically the perspective most of us have. We try to look at it from the stepparent's view. In your case, you are a bio mom who is primarily seeking advice about problems YOU are having with the "stepparent."

No, it isn't.  Again, where is your judgment?  You have a relationship that is not working and yet you want to keep plugging away at it. You said your daughter gets upset at your BF when he disciplines her, and you don't like his parenting style, but now you say that the kids love him so much you can't break up with him. You don't want to end a relationship you have nothing but complaints about.  I still don't get it. 

If your BF has been retired for more than 10 years then he is probably in his early 50s. I don't know your age but if you have a two year old I'd say you were quite younger than him.  Maybe that's a bigger problem than you realize. 

This is complicated. There answer is not so black and white which is why making these situations work is very difficult. Put yourself in your boyfriends shoes. How would you feel if he spent every weekend with his ex? What if they shared children together? They had a bond that you two do not have and to add to it every weekend is spent with the ex. Some jealousy and irritation is understandable. That would be very annoying. Why does your ex not take his kids on the weekends? (Sorry if I didn't read this part) On the flip side I will never understand people who get involved with people with kids. I did it once and will never do it again unless that person is widowed or their ex is happily remarried and their kids are grown. It was way too much drama. On your end if you are unhappy in your relationship and have been for a long time then it is likely time to move on. Things won't change. I think you moved too fast with this guy btw. 

Listen to the red flags you admit are there.  

No man wants a threesome relationship with the ex.  You can't see the forests because of the trees.

Your BF doesn't pay CS, he doesn't care if his kids, have a good place to live, eat, have clothes,medical care. Ect. He just wants to play.  But only if you bring the kids .

Why can't he get a Uber, pay a college kid $60 a Saturday to go with them. Pick the kids up, do whatever,  and bring them back ?  It's going to be too hard for him. ? There an answer for you, not have BF tag along to be part of the dysfunction 
 

What ever problem you have with your BF.  You must remember most men don't want there SO ,ex controlling there life any more then they do now.

What the next step in this BF drama,  bringing the kids to your mothers for Christmas, and you all have dinner together?  Birthdays, holidays,  Makeing BF part of your relationship?

You must decide if you want a new relationship, or not. If you do, then you must cut out this sh*t.  
 

Someone was venting last week that there SO was going to dinner with there DD and his ex.  And most people said, OP was right this was not right.   You are doing the same, but coloring it different 

No one wants a girlfriend's ex around, lingering and controlling their life. It is not your bf's problem that your ex is a druggie and can't be alone with his kids. Stop making it his problem. I suggest you quit hanging out at your mother's house with your kids and ex husband as it is very inappropriate. Meet your ex at a public location where there are other people around and then go do your thing. He can spend time with his kids in public. There is no reason you need to be hanging out with your ex, especially at your mother's house. Someone suggested meeting at a park or trampoline gym. This is an excellent idea. Your ex can foot the bill since he barely pays child support. You need to cut the playing happy family sh%t out with your ex and set some boundaries. No decent man will want this in his life.

Sorry, even as an SP, I think your BF needs to cool his jets.

DH spends 3-4 hours every other week just driving YSK to ET's house for visitation. Does it suck? Sure, but it's part of steplife.

Does it suck that you have to spend 3 hours each week babysitting your XH around your kids? Sure. But your kids could also be spending those 3 hours at sports, or on playdates, or any other kid-centered thing. Like...I'm just boggled at how he's getting upset.

I don't think this has anything to do with your XH and everything to do with insecurity your BF feels. He has issues in other situations, and this has only become a problem because he is now free on a Saturday and you aren't.

Now, if he wants to be able to make plans with you and he can't because of this schedule, I could totally see why he would be upset. But given that there is no other solution to this, his option is to leave. Not argue with you over something you're COed to do and actually does benefit your kids.

It's a crappy situation. No one can argue that. But this is one of those times where your responsibility and the needs of your kids trump the wants of your BF. If he's bored, he can get a hobby or come with you. But he doesn't sound interested in compromises or solutions, just beating you down.

Throw this one back. Even if he is purely innocent in his requests, he's not cut out for steplife.

I agree that the bf is the scapegoat for all of the issues (the exes drug problem, the ex not being allowed to see his kids alone, the ex not paying enough child support, the girlfriends lack of boundaries with her ex and her inability to handle the situation in a healthy way). So many step parents become the scapegoat for the problems these ready made families already have such as financial problems, issues with the ex, the kids behaviors, etc. This needs to stop. It is also extremely odd that the court has not appointed someone to be the third party during the exes visits. Why is this?

How much do you love your SO? Is it a serious relationship where you want to move forward and have a life together of compromise and commitment? I only ask that because now you are in a relationship and he's obviously not coping well with your CO, can you change it? Maybe instead of every week, change it to every fortnight? If it's not as frequent maybe he won't have his back up? With sole custody, is changing a CO something you can do? I have to admit, I would hate having to plan my weekends with my partner with a chunk out of the morning or afternoon dedicated to visitation of a ex convicted/druggy BM. I would completely understand why it has to happen but yeah it would take a toll eventually. 

Person to supervise his visitation. Some one like a Nures, social worker  ect. They can meet at a park, McDonald's,

But this will cost your ex money and have to actually do something, to make this work.  What ever is going on with your BF. Staying or leaving.  This will still be a problem with new BF. 

In SpermLand visitation and CS are not related and even an NCP who does not live up to their legal CS obligation cannot be denied visitation.

In a situation where the NCP cannot have visitation without an authorized supervisor it would make sense, at least logically, that if the NCP refuses to pay the related costs of that supervisor then it is not the CP denying visitaiton. It is the NCP refusing visitation via not paying the related supervisory costs.

I do not see how a CP could be held liable for that cost on behalf of the NCP nor be held legally responsible for denying visitation.  Again, in this situation visitation is not denied, it is refused.  Two very different things.

If I were the CP this type of situation, this is a hill I would not only die on, this is something I would continue to appeal to the highest possible legal authority.  Screw em all. I would pay countless thousands on legal fees before I would pay one cent for a dead beat NCP's visitation supervisor costs.

We  could stand to have a unified Act that aligned all states on this kind of crap.  Though... in our case having the option of changing venue to our/SS's state of residence away from the People's Republic of SpermLand courts was a huge stick to hold over the oppositions head. CS would have gone up by over 1000% with one form filed by our attorney. We never did it because visitation would have doubled and no amount of money would be enough to serve a kid up for double exposure to those manipulative toxic morons.

Sadly this is another situation that offers proof that our family court system is populated by dipshits.

smh