Parent teacher conference
I am SM to two gorgeous girls that I love dearly.. I have a child on the way and the most fantastic DH which is all obviously tarnished by the girls BM who is a nightmare. I won't go into too much detail but if she isn't talking to my DH like dirt or bad mouthing me then the crazy jeckel & Hyde lady is trying to flirt with my DH (despite the fact she is engaged.) Since I came on the scene, from what I understand her behaviour has dramatically increased on the lunatic side! Prior to DH and I meeting, she had control over her partner and my DH and was able to guilt trip him into pretty much anything and everything she wanted whether it be money on top of child support, unnecessary items for the kids, money towards her mortgage etc! So anyway when he and I met things must have slowly changed for her, when our relationship became serious he obviously didn't bow-down to her every beck and call but still he has never been unreasonable with her, has always paid child support and will talk to her if it regards the kids. So anyway... For the last few years BM hasn't told my DH about parent-teacher meetings and has taken her partner.. DH has spoken to teachers though to make sure kids are doing okay.. Until this year, the year I'm pregnant and we are married.. And she now wants just him and her to go and DH doesn't see how she's doing it to rock the boat with him and I. Am i unreasonable for wanting DH to make separate appointments from her?
He needs to bypass BM and
He needs to bypass BM and make a separate meeting (and keep it private from BM if possible). That is the only way he can prove to BM, the school, you, the world, HIMSELF! that being a PARENT to those two girls DOES mean everything to him! It is HIS responsibility to make these things happen for himself, it isn't BM's job.
His r/s with BM, is NOT solely b/c of HER, he has some accountability in it too, he ALLOWED BM to treat him the way she did/does. I would know, my SO allows his crazy ex to effect his/our life too *sigh*, I used to blame her craziness too, but now I'm a bit wiser, I realise that SO is half to blame for how things are.
ETA: I'm so sorry, ignore the 'bite' in my comment, I'm bitter about my own situation, I'm sorry to take it out on yours.
You are so right and I thank
You are so right and I thank god that it's not just me feeling this way.. I sometimes feel like, although he doesn't love her he doesn't want to argue with her anymore than they already do and is so scared of her taking the girls from him that she gets away with murder. I am so sick of feeling like the one who puts up all the fight
thank you for your words
You are not the only one who
You are not the only one who puts up a fight - many hear do and that is why we can lean on each other.
What I would do is tell him to simply do it on his own let her have her own - which many actually say is best for the child including my SS's teacher she actually requested it before DH could and gave BM no choice. I would also stress something I try to remind my DH when it comes to fights which are actually rare these days is as long as there is a CO with custody lined out she can't do anything if she goes in contempt file it. This is why they have CO's many men just need to make sure they are enforced as BM's are nuts and will do everything they can to get their way.
And now he isn't too keen on
And now he isn't too keen on the whole separate appointments thing. I don't see how it would bother anyone other than BM
Maybe if he completely feels
Maybe if he completely feels obligated he can request two? I mean it would be the same if they allowed them to be separate...like I said in my above post I have heard many teachers include SS's and several teachers in my family say they find separate conferences to actually be more productive especially with a controlling parent (not always BM though normally)
Thank you. I'd feel so much
Thank you. I'd feel so much better in myself if he had a separate appointment plus it would stop any bickering in front of teachers which surely wouldn't be good. Yeah you're totally right there is a custody agreement so while he goes on like it's her way or the highway it's not.. The courts said he could have them 3 times a week and he's done nothing legally to stop that from happening
Exactly try to remind him
Exactly try to remind him about the CO and how she can't change it just because she wants to.
Sks live with me, so I am
Sks live with me, so I am heavily involved in school, but DH and I have an appointment, and then sometimes if Bm is around she makes one of her own. It would be wonderful if we could all sit in a room happily but I would never do that to a poor teacher
Teachers are very used to separate appointments and should see no issue in it. In fact some encourage it- the meetings are more honest that way. The worst thing for your kid is to have a parent acting like everything is peachy instead of getting to the root of any educational problems. BM is probably going to put up a front with the teacher in front of DH (for example, they read every night together- when you know they dont) It is normal for separated parents to feel the need to compete; different meetings allow you to really talk about how things go in your home. Just My opinion.
And if you are involved in school work, there is nothing wrong with you having a meeting with DH and the teachers...
I totally agree with
I totally agree with derb84123 on this one! Separate the conference for everyones sake!
I just posted about separate
I just posted about separate conferences lol
I would definitely have him request a separate conference. I agree with you, the only one it will probably bother is BM but who cares! He has no obligation to her whatsoever. His only obligation is to his children and his WIFE.
Honestly, from a teacher
Honestly, from a teacher perspective, if there are issues that are going to develop, I don't want to see it. It's awkward for me to know what to say, and it takes the focus off what it needs to be--the kid(s).
Dealing with BM, we all attended one meeting together. She was rude to the teacher (actually refused to participate vocally and threw a paper at her--instead of handing it to her), rude to DH and ignored me (no problem there). She pitched a fit on how I was intruding/overstepping, yet the teacher specifically asked that I be there (she knew I was involved and wanted my input). After that meeting, I have ignored her completely.
DH and BM have a third party involved now and I'm not "allowed" to be involved, as I conspire with the teacher against BM because I am a teacher as well.
"I conspire with the teacher
"I conspire with the teacher against BM because I am a teacher as well." This made me chuckle. Man some of these ladies are wacko!! our BM is the same way
Thank you for all your
Thank you for all your responses - totally agree it just suits is all (other than controlling bm).. No arguing birth parents, no upset sm and the girls know both their parents have been to their school... But not DH has sucuumed completely to her control and guilt tripping and is telling me he sees no problem in going with her this year..
she is just gonna continue to win instead of us being a unit together vs her
Ps yeah I'm involved in their
Ps yeah I'm involved in their work every time we have them, their dad doesn't even do their work with them it's me