Package Deal????
Ok so as you all know from my previous post that I have 2 SS 17 & 16. My husband and I have been together for 11 years. Ok, so as I have had issues with SS's pretty much the WHOLE 11 years and especially the last 2 1/2 years that they have lived in our house, I keep getting told that it's a package deal and that I knew he had kids when we got together, that I should treat them as my own and do everything a MOM is suppose to do for them. WTH!!! Yes I knew he had kids and yes I guess it's a package deal, BUT when I got with him I didn't realize they would be HELL ON WHEELS and THEY DID NOT LIVE WITH HIM. SO they move in and things change and I am pretty much the one that HAS to do everything for them. Am I wrong because I feel like I am the outsider and BM and DH should be raising these kids and NOT me. I mean being a step mom to me shouldn't mean you have to be the MOM and DAD and STEPMOM. I have two children of my own and the OP is not in their lives. I feel like that if DH is going to work out of town all the time that they should go back and live with BM. I shouldn't be the one MADE to deal with these kids 24/7. DH thinks that I am wrong cause he says is a package deal and if I don't want his kids around or can't handle his kids then we shouldn't be married. He tells me "how would I feel if he came to me and said I can't handle your kids"? I said I can't answer that cause my kids don't smoke, steal, cuss, get in trouble with the law, constantly get in trouble at school, aren't rude and disrespectful to you and I take care of my kids.
I've had similar to you only
I've had similar to you only we're down to one ss16 and bs15 and it's gotten easier for me. It's very amazing how the men pull that line on us smoms, package deal line. And also dh does hardly anything for bs and yet I do so much for ss. I have been and am very conscientiously disengaging from ss16. He's gotten pretty god lately but he's still a teenager and one cannot change certain teen behaviors even in the best of kid. Teens are pretty darn self centered in the best of circumstances, but then add worst circumstances and they can be like your skids, smoking, stealing, lying, truble in school, etc. that was how my ss19 was while living with us. He got kicked out at age 18 1/2 by me tho. He was graduated and would not look for work so I kicked him out one day when he threatened me. A year later he is finally doing better. My kids on the other hand are doing fabulous, bs17 3/4 is on college, bs15 is in HS and almost straight A's, always respectful, quiet, neat, clean, shower and pick up towels, even pick up after ss16, and never cuss, steal or lie.
I hate package deals and I hate it worse when people, especially DH throws it in our face.
i'd tell my dh you're right,
i'd tell my dh you're right, we shouldn't be married. no way he should be able to hold your marriage over your head to keep you hostage. then refer him to the ladies of step talk and let us deal with him! and fy, i did not marry my dh's kids, i married my dh - DESPITE his kids. no, they are not a package deal. the absolute most you owe his kids is to be polite. period. they have a mother and father. send them to bm.
DAMN RIGHT Cocoa!!! Preach it
DAMN RIGHT Cocoa!!! Preach it Sister!!!
If DH isn't home, and you
If DH isn't home, and you don't want the skids there with you, send them to BM. It never ceases to amaze me the types of things people tolerate at the expense of their own happiness. This is an easy fix. If DH doesn't like it, find a new DH .. without kids.
Last summer I did just that,
Last summer I did just that, sent ss16 off to friends. He was on the xbox all day, DH working all day and it was my day off, ss16 was annoying the heck outta me, so I said "go find someone to hang out with". I did this several times, but only a few times did he listen to me.
My more passive aggressive days have been more like me turning up MY style of music really loud and banging around in the house, cleaning (ss you're in my way please go somewhere else, and then following him around until he finally leaves!) and just being over all annoying for him. Haha! My xh was a real lazy guy too and I always reverted to PA behaviors to get my way. I was told by my therapist at the time this was not healthy but it got what I wanted temporarily. Now I am much more vocal about enforcing my boundaries.