OMG – my inner child came out

OMG – my inner child came out to play !!! My positive intentions flew right out the window !!!!!

Update – Well my partner arrived at my house on Wednesday night at 8.15pm, after walking out on me last Saturday.

I told him I was surprised as I thought he ended things with me. He response what are you talking about it's only Wednesday (aaaargh!!!).

He sat with his coat on and his keys in his hand – ready to run again????

All the positive talk I gave myself during the week on how to deal with this calmly and like an adult disappeared when I saw his defensive body language. I am deeply ashamed and afraid to say I lost it!!!!

I shouted and ‘let rip’ like a spoilt brat!!! All the hurt, pain, feelings of abandonment and feeling of powerlessness came out – right there right then.

He got defensive and then listened for a while. He then turned it round to me and said ‘You don’t support me, coming to your house is my escape’ (hell fire i am allowed 2 hours per week!!) and ‘You are the person I should be able to come to for support and rely on’- he said he felt like he was on his own and had no-one to rely on . He said he was trying to keep things ‘normal’.

He said his daughter moving in and his not letting me know was not a big issue and he doesnt see why i make a fuss!!!!

My response was and yes i ‘shouted’ HELL it was a big issue as it had affected our plans, our life and MY life!! He then said it must be his naivety that he thought it wouldn’t matter to me that she moved in.

He then said he had spoken with his 16 year old daughter that night (Wednesday) as she had asked why my house had been taken off the market – she walks past it every day to go to sixth form and must have seen the For Sale sign has come down.

He apparently said to her that because she was living with him and sometimes adults had to make decisions.

Daughter asked why it made a difference her living there, he said he informed her that she had not been particularly pleasant with me recently (try over 10 years!!).

Daughter then said it was because she didn’t feel well and was not sleeping at night, she then started to cry about being obsessed with food and calories and gaining weight and she was unhappy. Partner then got freaked out and crumbled. What can I do – her crying kills him!!

It’s like walking a tight rope all the time and 2nd guessing everything.

So the up shot I am left feeling like a first class ‘*itch’ – and feeling selfish and unreasonable again.

He left my house saying he didn’t have daughter on Friday night and was I going to round to his. I said 'sorry no I am going out' (pre -planned with my friends since he walked out on me last weekend) – he was not happy with me. (Tough)

I explained AGAIN (hell had he not listened to me for the last few months and that night!!!) that he doesn’t inform me of his or his daughters plans for the weekends –so i would be making my own plans - he then asked if I wanted to do something Saturday.

I asked where his daughter was this weekend, he said she was at her mum’s Friday, and then she was going to a party on Saturday night (thought she was poorly, unhappy - her pictures will be on facebook Sunday with her vodka in her hand and big smiling face !!!!).

Oh WOW there is time for me. He said he would come round Saturday afternoon.

What will happen today – let’s see shall we?

He flabbergasts me – does he not get it – does it not sink in????? OR is it me???
Does this get any easier?