Nope Not For Me, Never Again!
Well, where do I begin? Let's just say I was trying to be nice and allow my husband to spend time with his daughter (13 yr old) by babysitting her while he works 10 or more hours a day. I work from home, so I figured I would give it a try. Well, let's just say I will never again. My SD13 has caused me to have to stop working and constantly check on her. She knows I am on the phone on conference calls but yet in still she slams the doors close in the house to the point that if I were not on mute, the people on the conference call would hear. She still refuses to understand that she does not have a right to everything in the house and that she needs to ask before she bothers my stuff. She and my husband will make noise so loud that it can be heard in my office. I put my foot down today and told him he has to make other arrangements for her care while he is at work, I can no longer do it! He is mad about it but I don't care. I told him that I enjoy my time to myself and don't want the bother anymore. He stated I'd like to come home and have some time to myself too. :jawdrop: :? LOL! Really! I told him, sorry that is out of the question, your daughter is here so therefore you do not get time to yourself. Really!!!!! I reminded him once again that she is his responsibility. Oh he hates when I remind him of that! Oh well, I did try but he will work it out!
^^^This. If DH isn't home,
^^^This. If DH isn't home, SD13 shouldn't be there either!
She's 13 and she needs to be
She's 13 and she needs to be babysat? Does she have a disability?
I agree with what scubed said. Not your kid, not your problem. As long as you're nice to her, that's what you owe her.
I do feel for this kid, though, as she's being raised by people who don't care enough about her to teach her how to become a productive adult who respects others, their time and property (the people raising her being BM and DH). This kid needs PARENTS who will discipline her, love her unconditionally and support her always in life. She needs THEM to be parents. Not buddies.
I disagree on one point, her
I disagree on one point, her BM is actually pretty decent parent, she does discipline her and does not take mess from her. But my DH on the other hand, is still somewhat of a Disney dad but he is learning, after hours and years of me telling him, he is starting to get it. SD13 is trying to get over on my DH and I refuse to let her. When I tell him in private about something that he needs to enforce such as making her clean her room and not leave everything in the floor, and cleaning up after herself, he pretty much will enforce it.
I work from home and it comes
I work from home and it comes with its own challenges. I spent a grand to make sure my office was sound proof with French Doors. The kids know that if the doors are closed, I am working and they have to do hand signals to get my attention. They have gotten yelled at maybe one time the last three years. My husband respects the boundaries, since he likes that I work and pull my own weight...
Your job is vital to who you are, tell him to deal with his kid. If the kid can't behave she can not be at "your office". Easy enough. At 13 she should get this. If not, time to go...
Good, it is great to know
Good, it is great to know that other stepmoms agree that I was fair and understand. Yes, my office is soundproof too but I cannot close the door bc I have to listen and monitor her, she is sneaky. My DH went to bed last night and left her unsupervised for which I blasted him out about. I went downstairs to the living room where I found her watching a show that I feel a 13 yr old should not be. This morning I put a parental lock on the TV so she cannot watch anything that is not for general audiences.
Not being mean but being responsible, It is prerogative to ensure that she is watching the appropriate kind of programming while she is in my care! Well next week she will be somewhere else while I am working so this battle has been won!
This was very newly
This was very newly established with our house too. VERY new. And DH was hurt, but understands why. Sometimes he's required to work very late and he has notice if he'll work weekends. For the first time I asked DH on the next weekend he works that we have SD he reschedule the visit because:
A. SD claims she misses her dad/feels like she's losing him etc etc so if he's the only one she comes to see and he'll be working all weekends, what's the point in her coming? She doesn't come to visit us so why should I babysit?
B. I did it because I felt bad and wanted to give DH time with her but in reality he DIDN'T get time with her, he'd get home so late, it'd be practically bedtime so no time was gained. It was a lose/lose situation.
I know DH was hurt because he took my suggestion as me saying "If you're not even going to be around, I don't want your kid around." and I get that. But he also knows that SD has made claims about being here that its clear she's here ONLY to see her dad so he wants to set the example that "if that's the way you want it, so be it. I won't be home so you may as well not even come".
A few years back I actually packed my kids up and moved to DH's (before we married) for 3 weeks in summer because he had to work and couldn't find childcare. SD was more tolerable back then, younger, but now I wouldn't do it. On weekends we have her, we still do family oriented things togerther BUT you take care of yours and I'll take care of mine. That way we end the weekend without DH & I being mad at each other for coming down on each other's kids...
That is a good way to handle
That is a good way to handle the situation, I felt bad too and didn't want him to have to send her to someone else's house bc she just arrived on last Saturday night. But in reality, I have to be true to myself. I really do not want to have to take care of her. My kids are grown and out on their own. I am passed that stage with my own and really do not want to have that responsibility for a child that I really do not have any authority over. Point blank!