No dinner for me but $$ for kid
So we are strugling big time financially because of teh exorbitant amount of child support we have to pay to a woman who chooses not to declare income and yes I am 100% resentful about it. I have to work and put my children into daycare so we can pay her to garden while SS13 goes off to school everyday. I am bitter about that.
Tonight our very closest friends are going out for dinner to a flashy restuarant and DH and I both agreed that would stay home because it was too much money. I was disappointed but I agreed to it too.
This morning he tells me that SS wants to go on an outing with him tonight so I googled it and it is going to cost $60!!!
So not only am I not going out with friends, I am also staying home with the kids while he goes out and has fun with his kid and spends my savngs to do it.
If it was going to cost nothing I'd still be a bit put out regarding the dinner and staying home but I'd understand and get over it but having to spend money we don't have, I'm just annoyed.
ok just needed to get that off my chest.
I would be pissed too!
I would be pissed too!
2
2 words..........fuck.......no.........
Just say no. It's not his
Just say no.
It's not his money to spend right? I'm sure you're picking up the bills he can't pay because of CS
double post
double post
No I've got to pick my
No I've got to pick my battles at the moment. I am the enemy and anything I say regarding SS and BM is taken as a negative and I already put my foot down about something this week so I can only smile and wave today.
Ouch, paying $60 dollars out
Ouch, paying $60 dollars out of your pocket to keep the peace?
I'd take that money & put it towards counselng.
There isn't a limit to the
There isn't a limit to the number of times you can put your foot down when someone is spending YOUR money.
^^ Agreed!
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This is a perfect example of
This is a perfect example of why DH and I will never fully integrate assets. We have a joint account and credit card for household matter but both have our own accounts for spending money.
I am unemployed and getting unemployment while praying to hear something about the job I really want, and applying for other - yes DH is paying more bills than normal but I am still paying a few of the small bills to feel like I am still contributing - but guess what the rest is mine. I am unemployed but have still treated myself to a dinner out when I was having a depressing day and next week depending on how the job hunt goes splurge to get my nails done so I look good for interviews or a possible job and guess what DH can't say a word about it. We do a lot of stuff together but some things like going to mud park he reserves for him and SS most of the time - you know what I do when they go? I either get caught on things I want to do around the house or go do something fun myself. I will not be held down by him doing stuff with his kid.
DH works and has a great job
DH works and has a great job but it doesn't pay enough to cover child support and our life which is why I have to work too. DH isn't a dropkick in this regard thankfully.
We just had a chat which didn't end in a fight thankfully but he is going out at 2pm to pick up the kid for a 4pm movie because BM is angry with him and wont meet him halfway and then they are having a treasure hunt after the film which requires dring around and then of course there will be dinner and the drive back to BM and then home and she lives an hour away. Oh the joys.
I just asked that Saturday night and Sundays be our days from now on and he wasn't happy but I think he has agreed. I've been living in my own little oasis for the past 4 months without SS and now he's slamming back into my life and I'm back on the outer... sorry ranting now...
That is awesome it at least
That is awesome it at least did not end in a fight -that shows he may possibly have some understanding.
I would still if you are having to pay for a decent amount at home find a way to set some money aside for you and your kids when times like this happen - it is not fair to fully support without a little bit of "wild" money as my mom calls it - she was dirt poor paying for my dad to go to vet school and later to find out blowing a decent amount of the bill money she gave him on partying and inviting in women and roommates that he cheated with to help pay bills...but my mom found a way that even every other month we could go do something fun because he wasn't going to have complete control to hold her down which a way it sounds like your DH is doing.
Thirty years now with my
Thirty years now with my second wife and we never integrated our incomes. We pay the bills according to the income ( get a lot so I pay a lot of the bills) and what each has left over can be spent as we individually see fit.
I paid child support for 16 years and it never counted as a household expense in the calculations. Pay bills directly but don't intermingle funds as husbands always spend more if they can.
DH and I have a joint account
DH and I have a joint account but is solely based on average bills/what bill amount are that need to paid...and CS is not included it is garnished so not even though of unless every once in a while he check a paystub to ensure the right amount is coming out. If say the electric bill is less and he has already paid the average amount it counts for the next month - we keep a average of a $30 or so buffer in our account.
Our bills are semi-income based and then also usage based (I home more I usually account for amount over average for electricity if it is a month I am home mainly by myself).
No WAY I would sit home and
No WAY I would sit home and keep the kids while he went and did that. When we stay home for savings, we do it as a family. The WHOLE family. If nobody can have a Disneyland weekend, then everyone gets to sit home and miss a Disneyland weekend.
College aged kids are 1,000x
College aged kids are 1,000x more expensive than babies. The expenses are NEVERENDING!!
you want to keep the peace??
you want to keep the peace?? for him or you? there would never be ANY peace in my home until this shit changed. my dh could attest to that. i'm not afraid of losing a man. lose your fear. speak up for yourself, obviously nobody else will. love yourself a little more than you do your man. no peace until I am happy and satisfied with the decisions going on in my home. and that should include your dh getting a second job to take care of his ADDITIONAL responsibilities to you and your marriage. quit being a sugar momma.
You must be still in the
You must be still in the "love conquers all" phase, otherwise known as the "doormat" stage. I think I can speak for about 99% of us who are or were in your situation; the BIGGEST regret we all have (other than hooking up with a man with kids in the FIRST place) is NOT ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES from the very beginning!!!
Now that he is aware that you will accept any and all behaviour from him, he will continue to push the envelope. If you start establishing boundaries now, it is 99.9% a sure thing that he will become major league pissed thinking you are "moving the goal posts" DESPITE the fact that he is being a total parasite and YOU are the host.
I started making boundaries FAR too late and boy do I regret it every single day!
After you speak to him about this and either he:
1. ignores you and does something similar again
2. gets passive-aggressive
3. blows his top because if you "really love him, you'll STFU and go along to get along" (TM)
or a combo of all three, you'll need to re-think this whole lopsided arrangement very seriously.
If he can spend $60 I don't
If he can spend $60 I don't see what you'd have to skip dinner with friends. Personally, I would go solo.