Hello there, I  am a 23yo female with no kids who got together with my 26yo boyfriend. He has two children of his own, a 10yo boy, and a 4yo girl, and to make things more great, they are from different mothers. The 10yo lives with us, as the BM lives in Mexico, while the 4yo comes and visits most of the weekends. I am here mostly to vent and ask for some advice on how to cope with this new lifestyle so please, please bear with me. I've known my boyfriend for about ten years but decided to make it real two years ago. Life separated us and he went on to have his baby girl, until we contacted each other again when we were single. I moved in with him almost immediately and I kind of regret that now, as I live with my WHOLE boyfriend's family, (his parents, SS, his sister, her husband, and her two kids) and it is kind of overwhelming, as I sometimes feel like an outsider, specially when my SD is there. I always get upset when he brings her over, and he notices and asks what is wrong with me but I never tell him that my SD's presence is what bothers me. This has caused us to fight before, and I'm afraid it will keep happening until he gets tired of me. I don't have the heart to tell him that as I don't want him to think bad about me. Should I be straight and tell him or just keep quiet?. It's just jealousy of him being with her that bothers me. My relationship with his kids and family are not bad, to the contrary they're all wonderful people but the lack of space is what gets me. We are trying to save up to move out but that is still on the works. The thing that bothers me too is that my SS is going to have to move with us and I am not ready to take a mom's responsibility, and as bad as it sounds I wish he could stay with his grandmother but that ain't happening. I feel bad for thinking this way. My bf told me that when he knew he was having his girl he didn't wanted her as his relationship with the ex was going downhill already, he said that he wanted her to abort the baby, something cruel, but something I wish happened. I feel so bad for thinking this way but I can't help it, she is a sweet girl but to think they're gonna be there for the rest of our lives gets me on the head. I don't want the SD to come over and stay with us on the weekends as it is always about her and we don't get to go out and do adult stuff, as we both get weekends off. I wish I had my boyfriend all for me but that is never going to be the case, I feel awful, I love him but not the fact that he is a dad, I want to have my own family and thank God he wants to have kids with me but that will be more in the future. My life isn't that bad but to think I'll be his 3rd baby mama is not what I wanted to be. I just want to vent about stupid me being jealous of his kids. When he's not with them I tell him he should spend more time with them, and when he is I regret that and wish he never had them. I don't know if I'm just immature for thinking that. I thought I was going to be able to handle it but my emotions are disastrous when it's about his kids. BTW my SS is going to Mexico to visit his mother this summer and I can't wait for him to leave, except that SD is still going to come around... My situation is not as bad compared to other threads here, but my feelings get the best of me and still want to vent somewhere where I can be comprehended and not jugded.

If you read until here thank you very much and I hope to hear from y'all.

Thank you.