New soon to be SS
So I’m having trouble coming to terms with a lot of behaviors regarding my fiancé’s son. It’s crazy to me how much he gets away with and how much certain behaviors are overlooked. For instance my fiancé’s mom absolutely DOTES on her grandson. He’s 6 and has a room filled floor to ceiling (and falling out of the closet) with toys at his grandmothers house and multiple large (expensive) ride on toys out in the garage. They are also talking about buying him his own 4 wheeler. You would think with the excess in which he is gifted things he would have exemplary behavior but that’s not the case.
Hes extremely excitable. He will stand and just yell. Over. And over. His grandmother finds it endearing and his father just winces but says nothing meanwhile he’s imitating police sirens in the middle of my living room floor. He also isn’t used to people being “tough” on him. My fiancé refuses to discipline him because he doesn’t have him a lot of the time and he’s afraid of coming across “mean”. This translates to him throwing toys down the hall and the rest of the adults asking him nicely to stop and he doesn’t.
My daughter is 4 and when we took them to the water park I was in charge of watching both kids while my fiancé road a few rides that were adults/bigger kids only. It was no problem I took them to the kid area and sat and watched while they played. And as I watched them both, my daughter stayed in the kids area splashing, meanwhile whenever I would take my eyes off his son to glance at my daughter his son repeatedly kept wandering out of the kids area and at one point completely wandered off and had us all worried out of our minds. When he was found I expected my fiancé to atleast sit him in timeout because he was expressly told several times not to wander out of the kids area and to come to me first. Instead my fiancé did nothing. I was furious because I was worried sick and this kids behavior was not corrected. He was found this time and nothing had happened but if not corrected who is to say he won’t wander off again next time.
His son also gets excited and grabs my daughter arm(s) or shoulders and shakes her. I’ve reprimanded him harshly in front of my fiancé every time he’s done it but again he says nothing and allows me to speak for him. I know he’s only 6 but my daughter is 4 and doesn’t behave this way. I’m tired of seeming like the bad guy especially to my fiancé’s mother when I express how fed up I am with the bad behavior. Any ideas on what to do? Because no one will discipline this child and if I do I’m “mean”.
Do not expect this to change.
Do not expect this to change. Your fiancé is a Disney Dad. He is trying to "make it up" to his son that he is a Child of Divorce.
Do NOT move in with this man.
Seriously consider putting off your marriage until his effectvely parents and disciplines his son. And that may NEVER happen. If you move in together and end up being the only "parent" to his son, you will likely face a lifetime of resentment from the child, the biomother, the grandmother, AND your fiancé.
He sounds like an annoying
sad sounds like an annoying child. That part you can disengage from. However you have the right to intervene when he’s aggressive towards your daughter. Pay no mind to their labels of you. If they think it’s mean to protect your child then there’s something wrong with them and they are not on your side. Be careful and think long and hard about marrying this man. I am engaged too but refuse to seal the deal due to he having allowed SD to be rude to me in the past. It’s getting better and I may consider it but at the same time I’m opening myself up to meeting new people.
Please read around this site
and find out what your future holds. It is not going to get better. Please do not move in with this man until and unless he gets his kid under control. You are absolutely putting your daughter in danger. The child is 6 - how is he going to treat her in the future when he is bigger and stronger?
It sounds like future MIL has had a pretty big hand in raising him. Is boyfriend looking to replace her with you? If you are the only one doing any discipline it will not make a difference and it will only make you out to be the "bad guy."
I think my FMIL is
I think my FMIL is differently reliving her parenting days through her grandson. She gets him 2 days out of the week, which is more than my fiance has him (he has EOWE because of his work schedule-out of town). She gives the ex $400 a month on top of what she gets for child support.
My fiancé and his ex wife had a very volatile falling out regarding their marriage. She cheated for a large majority of their marriage and towards the end fell pregnant with her current boyfriend and kicked my fiancé out of the house, applied for divorce, and has just been a major witch about everything. My FMIL often falls into crying spells about how it’s effecting her grandson having to be raised in a broken home and has pictures of my fiancé and his ex around the house and plastered in the son’s room at her house. She often used to say how she wished they could’ve made it work despite her cheating and pregnancy etc. she goes out of her way to do things for the ex such as painting her nursery. Unfortunately it’s too late to run from this family seeing as how I’m 6 months pregnant but I guess the only thing now is to see what I will be having to deal with going forward and how to handle it. My fiancé is very defensive regarding his son (I think from guilt over not seeing him as often) so it’s definitely like walking on eggshells.
So...I have to comment. You
So...I have to comment. You said "it's too late to run since I'm 6months pregnant."
I'm going to tell you bit of my story and why I found this site, and to let you know it's NEVER to late to get out of a situation that is not good for you and/or your children.
I very unexpectedly became pregnant with my formerSO's child. My tubes had been tied 20 years previously, so, super unexpected. We had been dating, not super casual, but not super committed either, when I became pregnant. We were not living together, but he stayed with me sometimes, sometimes with his son. When I found out I wad pregnant I was starting to give the kid some side eye due to behavior and having some doubts about the relationship due to the child, but wanted to "try" to make it work "because I was pregnant" more than I would have had I not been. MISTAKE.
I ended up moving in with formerSO and former SS, of course SS couldnt be expected to change school (even tho I owned my home and he was renting...which, I didn't know at the time).
Long story short, this child was HORRIBLE. From bad hygiene (refused to use toilet paper, brush teeth), used his hands to dig in food (remember no toilet paper), poor in school, no chores, a complete slob, et al. Not only that but he was rude, turning to mean, turning to dangerous to not only me, but also babyBS.
I packed up and fled back to my own home when my formerSO was at work.
Your soon to be SS is already showing aggression to your 4yr old. Do you think he won't to the baby?
Also, my formerSO's mother
Also, my formerSO's mother was very much like you described, almost wanting to relive her parenting with her grandchild. He was very spoiled and excuses were made for literally all of his bad behavior both in the home and at school... Almost making it someone else's fault such as the teacher, kids in class, because his parents were divorced, because his father didn't spend enough time with him which by the way was ridiculous... So I'm seeing a lot of similarity