You are here

New to site

frustratedgirlfriend's picture

Submitted by frustratedgirlfriend on Thu, 09/19/2013 - 9:10am

Forums: 
General Discussion

I just discovered this site and I am so relieved! Finally some people I can talk to who won't judge me for my feelings. I am in a relationship with a man who has an 11 yo daughter. I am 40 and I have never wanted children. Dating someone with a child is entirely new territory for me. I am navigating how to deal with interactions with the BM - who actually lives next door to us (we live in a duplex), to the ex MIL/FIL who are always around, to the child herself! I am overwhelmed! If I wasn't madly in love with this man, I'd seriously run for the hills! I am trying to figure out what levels of engagement (enmeshment) I am able to tolerate in this situation because a they way they all operate seems really co-dependent and not normal. I feel like I took on not only a kid, but a whole other family that I really want nothing to do with.

sbm014's picture

Submitted by sbm014 on Thu, 09/19/2013 - 9:26am

Welcome to the site!

I just have a few questions so that maybe myself and others can understand a background to help understand this and many other post.

How long have him and the BM been split?
How long have y'all been together?
What is being done to help the child cope with the autism? (you state the child has mild autism in your profile)

I am just trying to get a better understand maybe of the situation. I know everyone's situation can be difficult all in it's own ways and many of our stories have extreme similarities and differences.

frustratedgirlfriend's picture

Submitted by frustratedgirlfriend on Thu, 09/19/2013 - 3:34pm

Thank you for the response!

My BF and the BM have been split up for about 9 years. They purchsed the duplex house together about 6 years ago so they could both live in the same state. I've been dating my BF for a year and moved in a couple of months ago. On one hand, I am really glad he has a good relationship with the BM but they are very enmeshed with each other's lives and my BF is also very close with the BM's parents. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't really know where I fit in sometimes.

The SD has an IEP at school but that's about all that is being done to address the autism. Not enough in my opinion as she seems very emotionally and socially delayed.

It's a lot to adjust to considering I never imagined children (or baby mamas) in my life.

frustratedgirlfriend's picture

Submitted by frustratedgirlfriend on Thu, 09/19/2013 - 3:35pm

Thank you. It sure has been a rough adjustment. Every day is a challenge and it's so awesome I found a forum to vent without judgement.