I hardly ever deal with BM. If it's anything more than small talk, DH handles her. And if she has a complaint about me, then he handles her then, especially. I can exchange pleasantries with my BM when she's playing nice. Sometimes we even send pics back and forth of the kids. I do the "secretarial" type work in our house, so I'm the one who makes sure she gets insurance cards and forms for the kids and that kind of stuff, but otherwise, DH deals with her. It's better for me that way, because then I don't get sucked into the drama. And I think it's better for my BM, too, because I sure as hell didn't get her pregnant, so the person she needs to be talking to, anyway, is DH. You did a great thing by offering to go. Your child got sick and you had to back out, which is totally reasonable. You got a reliable family member to pinch hit for you, which is highly commendable... you could've left BM in the lurch, but you didn't. Ya did good. I'm sorry she can't see that. In my opinion, the only thing you did wrong was get into it with her afterwards. You don't need to make yourself her target. The one nice thing about BM's is that when they get all hostile, you get to turn them over to DH, because he was the idiot who knocked her up in the first place.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

that we all, and i am totally including myself, get so worked up over the BMs. they dont give a shit about us and how we feel and what theyre doing to us, so why should we? we spend so much time trying to get them to like us, wondering why they can get over their hatred, why cant they love their kids more than their own sick vindictive agendas, replaying conversations in our minds, worrying whats gonna happen next, etc. and then to top it off, we actually CARE that they dont like us, when they have no reason NOT TO! GRRRRR!!! it just makes me so mad that we care so much when all they do is continue to make us miserable and try to ruin our happy homes.
okay, so i went off on a tangent there, but the bottom line is...stop worrying about her and stop talking to her. she is nothing to u. listen to the advice of the ladies above, Cru and Georgia have ALOT of experience and are very wise. its just not worth the waste of energy.

even know what she looks like! & could give a rat's behind.

I too had a blow out w/the bm this past weekend. I too got upset and pretty much still am. Still trying to get over what happened essentially a week ago.

You did the right thing by caring for your child. I would let dh know that you will no longer be filling in for him, if this is what will happen if an emergency arises and you cant fill in.

She is totally being unreasonable.

i guess without verbalizing it , i too think of bm as a babysitter. she isn't outright abusive, but neither is she enriching the kids in any way, other than sending them off to slumber parties and spending time with almost everyone but her. she throws material things at them and thinks she is mother of the year.

we had to explain to a ss7 and a sd9 the other day what urinals are (to sd who didn't understand why boys had to stand up) and why girls can't use them (to ss who thinks girls have nuts), but she claims that she is open and communicates with them, specifically the 9 yo about her body etc. just one example of something I have to do because she neglects to. dh, like most guys is pretty freaked out about that whole topic, but at least he tries. ugh. sorry. the latest aggravation just snuck out....

long story short, she got pissed at me, called my DH and went off on him, I called her back on the phone , told her the same thing, if you have a problem with me you take it up with me, then i turned around and chewed my DH a new one and told him if he EVER listened to her talk crap about me again he can pack his shit and go now.(he thought i was kidding until he saw the look on my face) she then proceded to call me back the next day ( because she couldn't sleep that night)and started on me all over again.
that one went one for over an hour and it bit me in the ass a month later when she turned around and slapped us with more CS payments and boy did she screw us over big time.I've talked to her twice in two years,for 30 seconds. anyways
let me ask you this, WHY do you try or want to be her friend? for the kids?
I think the kids really dont care if the adults get along, it only eats at them when the Bio-parents dont get along, i noticed the few (very few) times in six years that we are all together in the same area my SS seems very uncomfortable,and tence. he seems like he wants to get things moving as quick as possible and get out of the situation as soon as he can watch to see how they react when your all together?. what you do will never please HER so why bother, she'll stab you in the back, my sons BM is nothing to me, shes not my childrens step mom,shes not my relative,co worker or friend. just remember your the one in her childrens lives, i've told my DH that it is HER job to get to know ME and communicate with me if needed, not MY job to get to know her shes not in my kids lives.and shes never once tried to get to know the other woman in her sons life, Think about who your trying to please? and why.