Need help for weekend at MILs
So DH and I are currently living separately, not that we are separated or anything, but because he is in the process of renovating our new house and has completely torn it apart to start from scratch. So DD and I are at my parents for the time being. We are 9 hours away from each other. Our communication during this time apart has not been good, it's easier when we are living together but even then it's not great, I admit. Anyways, DH is coming down to see his son next weekend at MILs house and DD and I are expected to go to MILs too. Now here's the issue. MILs house is really small, there will be 1 bathroom for 7 people and the 4 of us (DH, me, SS and DD) share the basement which is essentially one little room. Now DD is 10 months, wakes up 2-3 times during her 12 hr sleep and is a light sleeper, and you can also imagine all the stuff I will need to bring to MILs for the baby as she has nothing at her house. DH has decided on his sown that he would stay at MILs for the whole time he's here 4 days because of SS. Ok I get that. I also decided without him that DD and I will only stay 2 days. Now DH is mad because MIL is upset that we are not staying longer. Now you should know that I love MIL, she is so great to me, we have no issues there. So I feel bad that I made her upset and she won't be seeing DD for that long. I also feel too anxious about having DD there and me being the only one that will take care of her while we are there, as DH is no help in that department. I will have to be by DD's side the whole time we are there as their house is not babyproof, she won't have any toys and she won't have any of her regular stufff( change table, Hugh chair, etc) I'm tired just thinking about it. Anyway, my question is, should I just suck it up and stay the whole weekend with DD to make MIL happy or should I just do what I was going to do? Btw I'm also upset at DH for scheduling this whole weekend without telling me and obviously did not plan to include anytime with us at my parents. This is going to be our Christmas celebration together as a family because he is going to be still working on the houses til mid jan and won't be with us at Christmas. I have suggested staying at a nearby hotel but MIL won't let us.
Personally, I think you are
Personally, I think you are setting a terrible precedent for your family and marriage.
I would never choose to take our child and move 9 hours away from my husband...unless it was an absolute, unavoidable situation. You aren't living with your DH, and not only is he living like a single man, he isn't around his child, either.
This has disaster written all over it, imo.
As for MIL's? I would stay with my DH AS A FAMILY for those 4 days. It's only 4 days. I'd choose being with my DH over any slight inconvenience/discomfort being at MIL's.
As for being mad at DH for scheduling without talking to you first... he was wrong. But so were you when you went and decided "without him" that you and his daughter wouldn't be staying the whole time.
You both are living and making decisions as single people/single parents, and that does NOT bode well for a marriage.
Just my thoughts.
Well I have to agree with
Well I have to agree with Stickafork. I think she has said it all, and I think she is absolutely right.
You have said you are living 9 hours apart, have been and will be for months and your communication isn't good.
Two wrongs don't make a right. You two had better sort this out and you need to go home with your husband. This child needs to be with her father too.
Seems the communication before the decision to gut the house wasn't flash either, if the only option was for you to moe 9 hours away with your daughter.
Stay at MIL's for 4 days, give the child a chance to be with her father and grandmother.
Well, here's another
Well, here's another agreement with Stickafork.
1st although I cannot say that I haven't been that far from my DH for a period of time, I only did it because he had a new job out of the country which he had to go no later than a month after he accepted (and his job where we lived was being shipped off to Canada) and we had a home together that we had not been able to sell. If we had moved all together, we would have had double payments and I would have had to move with no car and a 3 year old, as we could not afford to immediately buy another car especially since we would have had double payments. He moved in with his parents (which hated me) and I stayed behind to sell the house. I worked for an airline, so I made sure he came to visit at least one weekend a month during the 6 months. As soon as I sold our home, I was on a plane two days later.
I think the whole reconstruction of the house should have been done in stages to ensure that you could stay together as a family. That should have been your priority, not being comfortable somewhere else. He is now used to living a single life and doing things on his own time, etc. incl with his son. You have just taken 20 steps back.
2nd if your MIL is so good to you, I would suck it up for 4 days and be there with them. If you feel it is ok to stay away from him for so many months for the benefit of you and your children, then I think you need to understand that 4 days, with people who love you and your kids, can never be a sacrifice.
Good luck, if I were you, I'd be driving down to LIVE with my husband immediately.
PS - 2nd time we moved, we had no home so there was NO reason for me to stay behind other than we had no place to go immediately on our own...I decided to suck it up and live in my MILs backyard, who hated me, made my life miserable, with no car, living in the country with not much around, JUST so that I could be with DH and our son as a family.
I know you all are right
I know you all are right about this. I just have to say this. DH was the one that essentially forced us out by deciding on a whim that the whole house needs to gutted. Well we have DD10 months and even is my husband can live in there like that, a baby can't.
This is among other things that are going terribly in my marriage right now. You can read from my previous blog. I have tried many times to talk to him about our relationship but to no avail. He doesn't think there's anything wrong and there never a good time to approach him to talk, as we are miles apart and he's always working. i'm getting so frustrated with my situation. I know this has nothing to do with being a SM. So I' apologize if anyone's offended that I posted here, but I always get genuine advice and I really appreciate it. Thanks all.