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Need help not to "compare" kids!!

hbell0428's picture

Submitted by hbell0428 on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 11:33am

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Long story short; SD14 lives w/ us FT - 3 bios but the main issue is SD14 - vs - BD12. They have been together since BD was born so the truely are sisters; arguements; getting along; stealing from one another; being Bestfriends etc.......

But I see a lot of diff w/ the way the are treated not only by DH but me as well. I see it as I don't know how else to give examples to DH or try to show him.

Like, if SD does or says something it's okay - but if BD were to do it - all Hell would break loose. Or, the things I correct my BD for I wouldn't dare do to SD. (DH does all the decision making for SD - I am there if he needs advice).

I guess it's not good to always compare.........right?? thought/suggestions. Thank you!!

hbell0428's picture

Submitted by hbell0428 on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 2:05pm

I see where you are going......in a way I choose not to parent SD if that makes sense. It is too much of a hassle; I am under a microscope w/ her. If it's not DH its her nana or her BM. It's so much; everything I do - when I used to correct her everyone thought there was an underlined "reason" Or I would be told - you don't do that to BD- which was never the case; I was always harder on my own 3. After awhile it almost turned me off - I just felt helpless and I actually feel better being my own person and a mother again...Make sense??

Coopers_Mommy's picture

Submitted by Coopers_Mommy on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 1:33pm

I have two skids ss16 & ss11 and my SO and I have a baby boy together. Even though there is an immense age gap between his boys are our son, I am a constant comparer! I think it's just natural. My SO treats all of his sons the same, thankfully. But I do view the skids in a different light then I do my baby. And unfortunately, the skids will never shine in the same way my bs will - in my eyes anyway. I try not to let my SO know that I feel this way, but I have to admit that there are times when it is more than obvious. I just don't know if you can love someone else's kids the way you love your own. And it doesn't help when the skids have a total POS for a mother.

hippiegirl's picture

Submitted by hippiegirl on Thu, 08/25/2011 - 4:35pm

Is DH the Bd's father or stepfather? If he's the step, then he needs to LAY OFF!