Need advice on how to handle SS and save my marriage

Forums:

I have been raising my 14 year old SS for the last 10 years with little to no input from his bio mother. (We haven't seen or heard from her in 8 years) We have had problems with him from the beginning. He doesn't behave in school, is blatantly disrespectful. He lies and steals, and he has always hated me, despite everything I've done for him. My DH and I also have 3 children together. I have been at the end of my rope for a long time! Things went from bad to worst last year when he got out of bed in the middle of the night and sexually assaulted his 6 yo sister while she was sleeping. We reported the incident to the proper authorities and had it investigated. He swears that he didn't do anything, but DD insist that he did. The investigators believe she was telling the truth and recommended we go to therapy (which we did). We decided it was best to remove him from the home, so he went to live with my mother. He lived there for a little over a year until he pushed her to far and she sent him back to our house. DD is a resilient little girl, but I can tell this is affecting her in a negative way. She hasn't slept in her room since he has been back. She insisted on sleeping on the floor in the dining room on the other side of the house. She's also asked me a couple of times to take her back to her therapist. I've asked her if it's bothering her, and she says it's not, but her actions say otherwise. It's soul crushing to see my poor child feel so unsafe in her own home. Most of the people in my life have chalked this incident up to "boys will be boys " and "puberty". I feel like it's so much more than that, and I fear for my bio children's safety. I have moved all 3 of them into my bedroom, so consequently have given up my sex life. DH doesn't seem to be as concerned, and openly admitted after SS moved out that he wanted his family back together. DH also seems to be playing two ends against the middle. He tells me what he thinks I want to hear, but gets upset when I tell him anything about SS. Now that SS has come back I can't sleep, I'm stressed ALL the time, DH and I have fought everyday since he's been back, and I'm absolutely miserable. I don't know what to do, or how to keep my marriage together. I love my husband, but I'm not sure I can continue to live on egg shells like this. Any advice?

Verbal assaults by Skids are

Verbal assaults by Skids are far enough to stay away from them--much less physical ones.... The son would go or the husband/he would both go-- if my under age daughter is so scared she is sleeping on the floor....There must be something up with that, I would say.

Time for a serious discussion with your husband about who assaulted who.....and, what YOU need to do!

"Openly admitted he wants his

"Openly admitted he wants his family back together" -- Tell him from me that ship has sailed.

Go see a lawyer immediately. Ask him if you can get an emergency custody order even if you are still married to keep that boy away from your 3 kids.

If atty says no, then file for divorce immediately and get the emergency custody order.

Your daughter will be an adult a lot longer than she is a cute and cuddly little girl. She will hate you her entire adult life, including after you're gone, if you fail to protect her from this little criminal. She will also likely have a host of problems in her adult life.

Save her from all that by solving this one problem NOW. No court is gonna force that little girl to live with that predator so daddy is gonna have to choose which kid he likes best. He's already chosen. Now you choose YOUR children.

By the way, NO IT IS NOT BOYS BEING BOYS. It is predators starting young. Walk out of the room next time someone says that to you. And get some new friends ASAP.

Oh, yeah -- DO take her back

Oh, yeah -- DO take her back to the therapist.

The therapist is a mandated reporter and may have cause to get authorities involved anyway. That takes this out of your hands which may be the best thing since your are currently so torn.

If nothing else, my God, get that little kid the help she is asking for.

Thank you all for your

Thank you all for your responses. I have already set her back up with the therapist, and she will go back this week. There is literally no where for SS to go. His BM is in prison, and there isn't any other family to take him on. When my mother put him out I couldn't very well have put him on the street, because he is still a child. However, I feel the need to clarify, DD only slept on the floor (on an air mattress with me) for 2 nights, because that is where she wanted to be. I have since convinced her to move to my bed with my other 2 children. We did install a deadbolt on her door, but that wasn't enough to make her feel safe. SS comes from an unfortunate situation that resulted in him being diagnosed with RAD and is often pitied by those closest to me. DH and I are going to have a conversation this evening about how to move forward. I personally have felt that we needed to separate until he can come to some kind of conclusion on how to handle his son. I tried to give DH time to find a solution, and he has yet to do so. I posted this on a public forum to get an outside opinion not clouded by love and/or pity. Separation seems inevitable, and that's unfortunate, but it seems to be the only option we have.

Honestly, he cried for a

Honestly, he cried for a while. He knows his son has problems, but he isn't sure what to do with him. DH doesn't want to turn his back on one child in order to care for another. I understand it's an impossible situation for him, and I hate to force him to choose, but the reality is he has to make a decision.