My SKs are making miserable
I am new here but I am struggling. My SO has 3 kids from a previous relationship; 2 boys 18 and 15 as well as a girl 11. It has truly been a nightmare for me because I have one child with my SO who is 4 months old. His previous kids have no respect for me. They call me a gold digger, side piece and other names that I won't repeat to my SO family and friends. His sons do not acknowlegde my son, they haven't even held him or asked about him. They only come over when his daughter is over and take her out with them. That leaves my SO with little time with his daughter. And even she is starting to feed into the craziness.
At the christening for my son they refused to come, but my SO made them by threatening to not giving his second son his promised share for a car. So of course they came, but the made a spectical, they refused to take any pictures with us or sit with us, even said to the minister I thought you couldn't christened babies born out of wed luck. Then tried to play it off as I wouldn't know because we are jewish.
I got into this relationship and pregnant way too fast. But, I did not get pregnant on purpose or for his money. I just want everyone to get along but, I think that his kids particularly his sons do not even respect him. I am 25 and would move on but I have a baby and I am currently staying home with him. I also do not know how he'll be treated by his kids if I am not there too.
My SO does try to set them straight sometimes but he works a lot and I sometimes feel bad for laying into him what they are doing. I feel like these kids never gave me a chance. They walk around the house like my dad own this house so by extension I do and I am the dog with fleas that my SO took in because I had a baby.
How can I get them to give me and my son a chance because I am tired of ignoring it and pretending like I don't care. It does bother me a whole lot.
You need to make clear to
You need to make clear to your SO what they are doing and that you are unhappy and can't live like this. They should not even be there when he's not there, it doesn't sound like they live there. Please don't allow them to treat you this way. And if your SO won't stand up for you, you have a big problem in your relationship.
I do try to let him know, but
I do try to let him know, but if I do that and they get in trouble I am the monster and they just totally ignore me. I am either ignored, rejected or ridiculed by them. They tell his family and friends so many negative and untrue things about me too.
He needs to be the one to
He needs to be the one to solve this problem; however, in the meantime, there is no reason you should be alone with any of these kids. If he can't be home for his time with them, they can stay with their mother.
I cannot figure this out
1. You took the baby to a minister for christening, but "we" were Jewish.
2. You say that the boys never come over except to see their half sister, and then take her out? How can they take her anywhere without dad agreeing to it. Is the 11YO at your house when dad is not there? Are you saying that they spend time at the house when dad is not there?
Need more information.
My SO's kids are jewish. I am
My SO's kids are jewish. I am not, I am christian. They come over because they know the agreement my SO has with their mother. They all have the same mother and they live with her majority of the time. The boys in the past used to live with my SO full time but have left to punish dad because I moved in.
Is there a current court order?
Generally an 18 YO is not subject to visitation, and a 15 YO is iffy. During the time that the 11YO is there, is dad there? Is he allowing the boys to take her out?
15-year-olds are minors and
15-year-olds are minors and subject to visitation where I live. Nothing "iffy" about it.
If dad is not home much, who is going to pick up the kid?
As a practical matter, if the kid presents his case to a judge, a judge will likley listen. Very easy for the 15Yo to complain that his 25YO SM is expecting him to watch her baby, etc. OP is kvetching tha tthe boys want nothing to do with her kid. Its not all about her kid.
Very rare that the 18YO or mom will be ordered to drive them over. It would be nice if OP would come back and explain what is going on.
Where I live, not hard to get ROFR. You and I are both questioning what is going on.
Op, unfortunately society to a bigger extent
Will automatically see a large age gap that you’re a gold digging whore or gigolo. Especially the fact you and skids have a 7, 10 and 14 yr age gap so to them you are old enough to be their sister.
my husband and i have a almost 20yr age gap, he is young at heart and actually young looking for his age. My skids have a 9, 12, 14 and year age gap with me. I have been married to hubby 5 yrs, have 2 kids with him and ss21.5 does not acknowledge them unless inlaws come over and its purely so they don’t give him grief over how rude and out of line he is treating his own half siblings as outsiders.
i’ve accepted it won’t change and my expectations aren’t that high. Heck skids themselves don’t even communicate amongst themselves like full siblings, so if they can’t behave as proper siblings then what hope is there for us.
ss21.5 told hubby we are all strangers to him, that he is incapable of showing affection to his half siblings, he also told hubby and hubby’s bil that it was my job to raise kids and not the man, that it was my job to clean up after him.
lol bil dealt with that shit right away. My skids have all themselves destroyed any possible relationship from happening.
Me and hubby are in the process of buying a home in my country in a few years time once i have finished university and been working a few years. I will be covering quite a chunk of that home and it will be in my and hubbys name, should he die, home automatically is transferred to me, skids can’t do shit because my country recognizes the next owner as full owner, there is no transfer of portion of ownership to your kids if another co-owner is on the property
skids have done everything possible to sabotage and destroy our marriage so they will never be welcome in our home. Hubby can meet them in private but i will not be shunned any longer in my home.
Op, your hubby may have just given up fighting with his kids, he can demand all he wants to have them respect you but they very well will ignore it which is what we often read on steptalk.
bio mum could remarry and have more kids and guess what, there is no gigolo or male gold digger etc. why? Because skids get to benefit off stepdad subsidising their lifestyle and because in society men are still seen as the main breadwinners so it will still be seen as how dare my dad remarry and have a child with his whore and have more kids with her.
what they fail to recognize is to live through life depending on and relying on an inheritance is ridiculous and a selfish way to live. The money your dad or mum earned is from their hard work. You didn’t help support them to get that income, it is dads and mum to freely spend. Expecting you will have it easy in life because of inheritance money from your parents when they never got a penny from their parents death is just ridiculous
i remember my dad saying when his dad died and his mum moved overseas, the childhood home was gifted to her eldest child in hopes it would stay in the family but it was tradition to pass it to eldest child so family could regularly catch up etc. my aunty died a few decades ago but there are no grudges amongst the siblings of “how dare she get the home, how dare she or her kids sell t etc”, we all have our own lives to live
i don’t see these greedy people having a good work ethic
Sounds tough
Firstly, your SO really needs to ramp things up with the elder children. They should not be allowed to treat you in this manner.
Secondly, their mother might be feeding into their attitude. How is the relationship between the bio parents? Is the bio mother accusing you of breaking up the family? Not to pry, but these are things that are common if the bio parents separate because of cheating. There will be accusations, and blame and bad feelings.
Thirdly, I got that from SDthen 15 when I first started our rlationship. She told me things like "just so you know, I was here first". Had the worst attitude, not just to me but to everyone. Super entitled. The world owes her. So these kiddos, they sound super entitled. The world owes them. Plus you are not that much older than them, so not an "elder".
Welcome to steplife. Sometimes, over time, things get easier, or people leave. Just remember that this will be your life, if you stay. And if you leave, this person who cannot seem to parent his kids now, is going to have your bio 50% of the time and they will be there too.
Keep posting.