Well maybe hearing it from him that he DOESN'T want to hear about her or have anything to do with her will help you become less interested in her life. Now that you know he doesn't care, you don't have to care either.

I got from some book or something, but if I can't stand someone I often end up saying they are completely boring - boring to think about, boring to talk about, what they do and think and say is just boring beyond words. I even yawn if someone else brings up their name, ex. criminal BIL drama stories! act like I didn't hear what was said and change the subject.

Because its like you are rewarding them for causing everyone problems! instead of talking about nicer things, ya know? like you and DH, and what you want to do, eat, watch, go, etc.!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

I could have written your post myself. I always use to update BF on anything and everything that I found out about BM, and I could tell that it annoyed him alot and we always use to end up in an argument about it.
That's the main reason why I got onto this site. BF knows that I vent here and at the start he was abit upset cause he felt like I confided in you guys rather than him, I simply explained that I need to bitch and complain about BM so I get it out of my system and so I don't keep hassling him with the same old shit she does. He understood that and has noticed a difference in me since I've been on this site. He actually asked the other day if I gotten over BM and her idiotic ways cause I don't really talk about her as much anymore, I told him that she still annoys the hell out of me and when things are too much I jump on here and vent my issues.

I know how hard it can be, it can take over your whole head space. As scary as this may sound it actually became abit of an obsession and I hated seeing myself like that as well.

When I'm not on this site, I just keep saying to myself, that is who she is and there is no point thinking, stressing or worrying about what I can't control and now I find that I don't even think about it as much as I use to, so she not the topic of conversation at home anymore.

If you ever just need to let someone know about her bullshit lies or God knows what else she puts you through, rather than DH your more than welcome to PM me anytime, I'm more than happy to lend ear (or eyes in this case).

I'm not sure where I saw it/heard it, but it made me think. The question was:

What is the opposite of love?

Answer: Total apathy.

You would think the opposite of love is hate, but they're both strong emotions, and even if they're negative emotions, it means you care in some form.

If you really don't care, someone else's behavior can't bother you. But if they hate you, it sure bothers them when you don't react. Yeah, I haven't gotten that far yet. DH is a lot further along - he really doesn't care what BM does/wants/buys as long as she's not bugging him about it.

yes, I have done this! Maybe it was so I could be prepared for the next move she makes or because I was obsessed because I did not understand why. It is something that all steps need to let go of when they have crazy pyscho BM's.

And I think it might have come off to harsh, but when it comes to the BMs and their lives...

So many of us came to this site because of significant BM issues in the first place. The issues they caused probably caused the issues to "flow down" onto the StepKids (brainwashing, Bashing, PAS).

A lot of us deal with SERIOUS issues when it comes to the BMs in dealing with the Stepchildren.

So when it comes to the other little issues, I ask, "Why should we care?"

When I first came into the picture, I too, started to fall into this trap. Everything the BM did got under my skin. The lying the excuses, bad influence of what was going on at her house, etc.

I soon learned to let it all go. I could care less about her, her sad, pathetic life, her miscreant husband, etc. And I am all the more happy for it. She's nothing more but a "blip" on my radar screen.

HOWEVER...
She is completely CONSUMED and OBSESSED by our lives. Five years later, I still catch her driving by my home during the day (We live on a cul-de-sac, so there's no reason for her to drive down our street other than to see the house). She constantly grills the kids for info about me and what presents my DH gives me, how happy we are, if we still hold hands, etc. She wants to know if we fight and what about. If we show up at the same event, she scurries to the other side of the room. She calls the house and will hang up if I answer. She's scared to death of me, but curious as hell.

So when I think of her behaving like that, I think, how pathetic, five years later, to be that consumed with what you no longer have? Get a life and move on already!

(PS- she left my DH for her new miscreant husband. so how much weirder does it make it?)

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis