meltdown over facebook... am I going crazy?
I met one some my bf's old friends in October. They're a couple with 3 kids who used to be neighbors with bf and bm when they were married. Ill call them the x's. Mrs. X is still friends with bm but she seemed to be nice to bf when I was there so I figured maybe they were staying out of it.
Mrs.X added me as a friend on facebook and I ended up going shopping with a couple of times, where she proceeded to completely badmouth my bf, telling me he was a controlling angry jerk, he treated bm like crap, etc. She couldn't give me specifics about it though, it was all stuff she had heard from bm.
I was actually pretty shaken up and upset after going out with Mrs.X, and I confronted bf on some of the things she said. I asked him why he's still friends with this 2 faced woman, and he said that his kids get along with her kids, that its good for the kids, etc.. And that he had nothing to hide, so why should he run away from people? I get that part but the I don't get why you would go out of your way to get together with someone who you know is a)talking negatively about you behind your back and b)being a faithful little snitch to bm (oh, and I didn't go out with her after that, I had had enough)
So fast forward to yesterday. I was on facebook and I noticed on someone elses wall that Mrs.X had written something but it had no "wall to wall" undermeath like it normally would. So I clicked on her and she had totally removed me as a friend! I checked bfs and she had removed him too.. When? I have no idea, although I'm guessing its sometime after bm called up Mrs.x and cried about bf taking her to court.
Sorry for my ramble here, ill get to my point. I don't consider Mrs.X a friend so in that sense I really don't care about the facebook thing. What bothers me is that when I told bf and said "be careful!" Because there is no doubt in my mind that Mrs.x is going to be a witness against him in court, he said "oh I just called up the x's yeaterday, I want to get all of the kids together for lunch... (No biggie)
Here's the part where I feel crazy. No, Mrs.x isn't my friend. Yes, my feelings were a bit hurt because I really tried to be nice to this woman. Mostly though, its because bf will still go over there andf hang out if he can.. Without me. Somehow I feel like a villian. My feelings are hurt. My bf doesn't understand why my feeling are hurt. Even I don't understand why.. I know I'm pms-ing.. Here I sit though, overly emotional over stupid freakin facebook and my bf's "insensitivity"..
Please be honest. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Yeah, you're right.. I've
Yeah, you're right.. I've been considering it anyways, too much drama..
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy
Leladawn, I'm sorry that
Leladawn, I'm sorry that you're going through this - your frustration seems very warranted (from what you've posted). Why in the world would your BF want to have ANY relationship (nevermind a friendship) with this woman who seems to have no problem being two-faced and backstabbing him and spewing venom at every chance she gets?
Not to mention, I can't imagine that she's just "innocently" trying to "help" you when she badmouthed your BF when you went shopping with her. I don't know, I just smell a big rat here all around. She seems to be a BM "cronie" (sp?) almost. Hoping to put you off about BF just enough to cause trouble - I absolutely HATE people like that (I lovingly call them "potstirrers"). Although I must ask you, why oh why did you actually go shopping with this woman a few times, knowing full well that she's still friends with BM? IMO, that's just asking to give away your privacy to BM - you really don't know Mrs. X that well, do you? How do you know that she isn't being a "spy" for BM? When in doubt, unless you are 100% certain that they don't talk anymore, don't talk to her or socialize with her anymore. You know the old saying "with friends like that, who needs enemies?".
It also seems like your BF is a very passive person, just sits back and doesn't care about how he is treated (doormat status). He just uses the classic excuse "I do it for the kids...they're happy, so I'm happy" that we've all heard before - just for different scenarios.
On a final note, it is situations like yours that confirm why I never wanted to be on Facebook. I just don't have the time for the drama & aggravation that it causes. Don't get me wrong, I know that there are a lot of normal, good people on FB that use it for good purposes/intentions. However, IMO, if I want to know what's going on with my "friends", I just pick up the phone & call them, or email or text them directly. No need to put info. about my life on a public forum, pictures and all, and then have ANY expectation of privacy.
This website (Steptalk) is literally the ONLY site I go to - because it has always been a positive experience for me. Everyone here has been so supportive, has given AMAZING advice and I truthfully feel that without ST, I would have either lost my relationship, or my SANITY, by now.
Unlike many other sites (myspace, match, etc...) where there is nothing but drama, stalking, aggravation, bullying, etc... Steptalk is such a positive place and is a godsend. Sorry, I just don't have the time nor the energy to even WANT to use those other sites.
Thanks Milomom, you're right
Thanks Milomom, you're right on about a lot of this. I had (and still have) a major probelm with this friendship because its so fake. This woman spewed out BM's lies to me and I know she reported everything she saw right back to bm.. I tried to talk with bf about it again, he has no idea why I'm upset and says I'm acting "childish". Its just so clear to me, this woman is not interested in being my friend or his (and her friendship I will gladly do without) but if bf still goes over there "for the kids" its so awkward.. PLUS I'm the one handling his court case and I know that she'll be testifying against him. I just don't get it.
My bf and I aren't speaking at the moment.. And the sad thing is that I know this will all just be brushed over like everything else. We're going back to court on Tuesday, we'll have no time to talk about anything but that. There will be forms to fill out, etc..
As for facebook, I'm rarely even on the thing anymore - I'm on here waaaay more.
"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." Ziggy
No you are NOT crazy!!!! And
No you are NOT crazy!!!! And you absolutely should NOT be a part of anything that the x's are attending!!! My bfs ex is constantly threatening me and calling my miss piggy and telling me to take a jog i'm getting really fat and having her sister email me harrassing letters but my bf thinks i shouldn't be upset about it; oh and being that i was brought up the right way i won't do what i want by knocking her teeth down her throat and live in a small town to boot so i soooo understand. stand your ground!!!!