Meeting BM
Meeting BM....
I've posted this before but the time of my meeting my boyfriend of 2 years ex is coming up now that baseball has started. I know from my bf and others who know his ex (some have known her since grade school) that she is an awful person. Of course she hasn't done anything personally to me but a person with such poor moral fiber isn't my type of person. I am dreading the initial encounter because 1) I wish I could tell her what a deplorable human being she is and an even worse parent 2) of course I won't say those things because I don't want her giving my bf a hard time about me not liking her 3) but I believe in being honest, is it wrong to establish from the beginning that I really would rather not speak or engage with her unless it's necessary? Honestly her and my bf are rarely around each other and they usually ignore each other when they are so I don't believe this is going to be a frequent issue. I am feeling very anxious to get this over with any advise would be greatly appreciated.
And for the record I'm not the type who can put on a big fake smile and pretend to be buddy buddy with someone I can't stand!
Exactly this. I tried to be
Exactly this. I tried to be friendly with our BM as well, and not only did it not go well, but she took that as an invitation to call/text/email me whenever she felt like it. Usually to remind me that she was the mother, not me.
If the skids will be around, you can say hi, handle the introductions, and proceed to ignore her.
If she's the bad person you think she is, there is no reason to involve yourself in her life or allow her any room in yours.
Be clear to your BF that you don't want anything to do with her so there are no surprises for/from him.
I don’t really think it’s
I don’t really think it’s even necessary for you to meet BM. I knew BM already because I was friends with her sister in high school so there was no initial meeting for us, but she has always been nasty to me since she found out about DH and I (this was over 3 years ago) and she still tries to cause problems. I see no point in being friendly with her. I just have nothing to do with her whatsoever and that’s the way I like it.
I made the HUGE mistake of
I made the HUGE mistake of meeting BM when DH and I first started dating. She was fake, I was fake, you know the hi nice to meet you crap...fast forward 3 years and a life time of grief later, this woman put me thru hell, has been a constant thorn in my side, has NO CONCEPT AT ALL of boundaries between my DH and herself, (evn though he has as little to do with her as possible NOW, it was not always the case though. Anyway, my opinion is this: just because two people have a kid together does not mean that they have to have a DAMN thing to do with each other. No excuses, no reason for it. They are not friends, they do not have mutual friends, they have separate lives, and there is no need for either one of them to be involved with each other and this includes significant others and/or spouses. If it is a school or extra curricular function, there is no need for the two of them to even acknowledge one another. There is no reason for u to meet her. There is no reason for her to be given even a slight entryway into your life. The only way to make sure that she knows her place, which is that she doesn't have one, is to never open the door. I have zero contact with BM now. She used to text, call, I used to meet her to pick up and drop off the SS, and being involved only created the worst kind of hell for me. STAY AWAY, VERY FAR AWAY from BM, especially if she already has qualities known to you to be bad. The whole keep your friends close keep your enemies closer used to be my mantra, now I have learned extremely painful lessons, and have removed her from my life and it is the best thing I have ever done for myself.
I Need your help if you were
I Need your help if you were able to completely cut BM out of your life. I need to know how to do that. She drives me crazy every chance she gets, just by doing stupid crap. it sucks because I have to see her so often only because my SK will ask me to come to something and she is there. So I see her way more often then I truly want to. I mean I am angry even knowing she is going to be there. HELP MEEE!!!
I just did it. I changed my
I just did it. I changed my phone number, changed P.O. boxes, packed up our entire life and moved into a new house in a different town so she cant just drive up to our front door like she had done before. BM caused us a lot of legal problems, cost us thousands of dollars and if I didn't completely remove her from my life I would have gone to jail because if I had to look at her snide, lying, low life face again I would have physically attacked her. As for the functions, I don't have that problem, because I also disengaged and removed myself from any involvement with him outside of having to be under the same roof as him when DH is off work. Sometimes you have to just do to what is best for you. The kid will get over you not coming and you will feel the biggest relief.
You don't have to say
You don't have to say anything to her. Disdain is a wonderful tool.
You've already established your BF and his ex ignore each other when they are in the same space, so you really don't have anything to worry about.
My advice, do what your BF does and ignore her. If she addresses you, treat her the same way you would the weird stranger asking for directions. Polite but distant.
The last thing you want to do is have a confrontation with the ex in front of the skid(s) in a public place.
I haven't spoken a word to Uberskank for over 4 years.
Thank you so much! I really
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your comments especially about not going into the situation with a negative attitude. At this point I just want it to be over with!
I never even thought about
I never even thought about that! I'll keep that in mind and keep my head up! I assume she won't like me simply because I am with her ex (whom she cheated on and then begged him to work things out with her)-I have no delusions about that but I am worried about her unstable mood swings (I've literally been told by acquaintances that she will be worse than the brat of a kid). I also know I shouldn't waste my energy worrying about her in any way!
I've never met BM either.
I've never met BM either. Have seen her more than I care to around town (we live 5 miles from her and SD14) but she refuses to speak with me over the phone, text or email so for the past few years that I've known DH, I've never said a word to BM.
I don't care to communicate with her at all. If I live out the rest of my life never having to be in her presence, that'll be fine by me!
My first encounter with BM
My first encounter with BM she ripped into me about who was I and what place did I have in DH's life, and who did I think I was. idiot. They'd been divorced for twenty years, SS was in his 20s, etc. It was over the phone. It was like petting a dog and having your hand ripped off.
I calmly ripped her a new one with one little statement about her whoring ways (did not use that term though) as she is now the self professed "holier than thou" church lady. Can't remember exactly what I said but it was a very passive aggressive "I have your number sweetie" rip you to the core little zinger. It hit home big time. She hated me before she ever met me so I don't give damn what she thinks - she is meaningless in my life.
Now DH's second wife (no kids although he raised hers) is by all accounts a truly horrid person. I've never met her and doubt if there will ever be an occasion where I do. She does know about me and is jealous as can be that DH and I are living a great life.
She left him to go back to her first DH and then tried to come back to DH, but once he rejected her she wanted him to die and be miserable. I am a very friendly person and when I meet someone can turn on a big smile, etc. If I ever had to meet her she would not get my political "wow great to meet you" personality but just a coldly civil "how do you do."
I would never have been so rude to BM if she had not attacked me. She's normally a very passive "I'm such a victim" person that it took every one by surprise.
Ha! The first time I saw BM
Ha! The first time I saw BM was (believe it or not) we both woound up on the same flight! I knew she was going to be on it and knew what she looked like, but she was clueless about me. It was great having the opportunity to observe her without her knowing who I was.
My ego soared when I saw she was ill-groomed, and quite sloppy and unkempt. She was in public, on a flight wearing a type of outfit I would probably use to clean the house in. It included copious amounts of visible dog and cat hair as well as food stains. I know it's catty, but it's great when you finally see this legendary person and realize they aren't "all that."
She sat about three rows behind me next to a fat old man. I got to sit next to a drop-dead gorgeous businessman. I had a WONDERFUL flight! Karma, I'm telling you, it was karma!
I haven't read the others
I haven't read the others responses but I'm sure you've received plenty of support and probably encouraged to start WWIII with her.
You've heard from all of your husbands relatives and friends who of course are picked because they support his opinion of her which quite probably is somewhat accurate.
You have an opportunity towards going a long ways towards keeping the conflicts settled down or as I said you can escalate it to WWIII levels. Nobody asked you to like this woman, but by just keeping your mouth shut you can accomplish most of what I mean.
Don't give me this crap about "I'm not the type". Bull - you're an adult aren't you? That reminds me of wife beaters who say "She made me hit her". He's not dating some high school teeny bopper is he? Put your big girls pants on and act like an adult and keep your relationship with this woman at least neutral by not reacting to anything she says and does short of slapping you silly. Just ignore her antics.
You're grown enough to do that aren't you?
Just ignore her but if she
Just ignore her but if she makes the step at an introduction then be polite. You have nothing to prove to her, she is skids BM, that is it. Keep her out of your life, that is one thing I wish I did from the beginning. When I first met BM, she cussed me out via text before I even saw her, then when we dropped off skid, again she cussed me out via txt to DH, every chance she got, she done so...why? because she's jealous. She had skids hoping that DH would stay with her, she knew he didnt want a relationship with her and so he left, then she annouces skid#2 in a hope to keep him to stay, after a few DNA tests (maury whos the daddy special lol), he continued providing for the kids and kids alone. However she did have boundry issues with him, she was acting like they were together was freaking werid!, until I came into the picture and said it wasnt apprpriate and told him i was leaving becasue I didnt feel comfortable. now all is great, except BM is seething that theres no chance of getting my now DH back, and shes stuck with 2 kids that are daily reminders of what being a lazy, disgusting whore has lost her.#winning