maybe not right for "steptalk" but would love an opinion
I am super new to all of this. So I will start by saying I don't think I have it that bad. DH and BM get along well enough and BM is nice enough to me. 4yr old SS and I get along great also. DH and I have been together 5 months and married for 3 of them.
So the thing that bothers me most is that DH still has accounts in his and BM name together. From small things like a blockbuster card, to a Costco card, then on to bigger things like car insurance and household bills. DH responds that BM rents movies for SS, or buys food for SS and drives SS around.(they have joint custody) This is my first marriage and I have no kids yet, but this doesn't seem right to me, I expressed my dislike of it and on top of the responses above he states that he just wants to keep it simple. grrrrr you want simple, make your now wife happy not your EX.
Blockbuster wasn't an issue you can have as many people on your account as you like, but when we were at Costco about to apply for my membership, they said you can only have 1 other person on your account, DH suggestion was I get my own and DH and BM stay on one together.... pardon my what?? Seriously
Maybe I'm in the wrong, but I have asked people I know and they said I'm right to feel that way but I really would love an unbiased opinion.
Is this Normal???
Definitely NOT right...new
Definitely NOT right...new husbands often have a hard time separating their stuff & learning to put the new wife first. I luckily did not have this issue, but many people on here have. If he wants everything to be simple, he should make his wife happy! How long have they been split up? He needs to get it together & start making a life with you. He can't be married to you & still act like he's married to her, and thats what he's doing! I would insist he separate everything from her & starting treating you like his wife!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
awww thank you
they have been split for 2 years now and he has even had 1 other girlfriend in between, I'm glad I'm not crazy, he even said I am nagging him lol grrr I want to strangle him sometimes
Wait, they have car insurance together?
Is that even legal? I mean, I suppose it is, but who would want to?
I would have a rough time dealing with that much togetherness. Let's put it this way that has nothing to do with you - they are divorced, they should be cutting all but the most essential of ties. My DH even stopped paying for a life insurance policy for SD because the policy belonged to BM.
For the health of his future, he needs to cut those ties. I know you love him, but girl, he's still acting like he's married to BM. It will NOT get better. I am the LAST person to poor-mouth quick marriages (133 days from meeting to wedding) but it might have been better to just date for a while. Anyway, what's done is done - now you have to decide what's a deal-breaker and get him on board.
~Trish
Nope,you're not wrong
Your husband should remove his ex from any and all joint accounts. And I would advise you to keep all your money separate from his. Do not co-mingle any of your assets. In the long run, you'll be glad you did.
Household bills? Car Insurance? Cosco?
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
Girl, you need to be firm on this one. She is his ex-does he realize that by having her on his auto insurance policy, he could be sued for liability if she was involved in an accident? Wonder if he's still on the title of her car too....not a good move (I worked in insurance for 5 years).
There is no valid reason for this-and men accusing wives of nagging is usually their response when there is no valid response.
He is reaching here-for unknown reasons. Many of us on here have been married before, and when you divorce your spouse, you cut those ties. Permanently. The fact that he has remarried makes it even more inappropriate.
Be very cautious. This is too strange.
That would drive me nuts
Your his wife now, he needs to get her off of his accounts. Something like that would drive me crazy.
men are lazy
sometimes to them its just easier to let it go then to go thru the "ordeal" (insert sarcasm) of changing it. AND stuff like that isnt as emotionally important to guys as it is to us. for example, when i found out my DH had a jt checking account w bm, i got mad...i thought i u didnt wanna have a future and make a life w her, why would u do that? he said it was just easier, and she would pay all the bills and he just didnt resist bc it was easier than fighting w her. not saying this is rite, but it could be his reasons.
BUT he needs to put an end to that now that u are together. DEFINITELY. all im saying is maybe the reason isnt what u think. it COULD also be that maybe he just doesnt wanna make waves w BM, especially since they get along. sometimes, one little thing like this can just set them off. or he could have a tough time letting go for the sake of the kids. this could be a red flag that hes willing to do whatever he has to, at the expense of u, to keep his once family intact.
sorry i was maybe a little vague, just trying to give u all sides.
good luck...tell him how u feel...mayeb he just doesnt understand, even though we think it should be a no-brainer!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Nope...not appropriate
Husband should take the ex off ALL joint accounts. ALL. Yup...its a pain in the ass, but too bad. If the ex needs to buy SS groceries, gas....that's what child support is for.
Your husband hasn't moved on yet my friend. He still considers this woman his responsibility.
erk......
Thank you thank you thank you, to all of you. I really appreciate all of the responses. So I spoke to DH once again and I think I may have gotten through to him(holding my breath) we will see what happens today. A few of you hit it right on the money, DH does feel he still needs to take care of BM since she takes care of SS, and I can understand that but I want him to just give her money nothing more. lol!! I feel so much better "bellacita" had a right answer in I did think he was trying to hold on to what he had. I'm hoping I still don't feel that way, I'm certainly telling myself I don't
I moved from BC Canada to Hawaii to be with my DH, away from all my family and friends; so having all of you as support is fantastic, I will now be on this site everyday I'm sure of it.
I will keep you posted as to the outcome of today.....
usually i love being rite BUT
not sure this time! i just hope he feels it out of obligation. maybe now that he knows where youre coming from, he can stop doing the behaviors that are upsetting. and welcome!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Interesting
how he found a woman without children. He knows he will asking more of you than he will be giving you-----I think there is more of this stuff to come because he doesn't get it yet. Don't have children with this man until you really know him & know the relationship he has with X and skid. BE VERY CAREFUL, maintain separate accounts, don't co-mingle ANYTHING. You've only known in 5 months??????
Trouble
If he keeps ex on his accounts it will only cause trouble...Trouble between the two of you and could cause even worse problems...What is she gets mad and cleans out checking account...This is giving her power that she doesnt need...I have a checking account seperate from FH and will keep it if he marry...I will have my name on his account, but i will also have an account on the side...Did that with first marriage...That way you are covered if anything happens...But no, do not stand for her name on any accounts....Its your place to speak up and tell him this isnt right...and its not.....
Be careful....
She still holds all the keys. When he starts making changes she will act a damn fool.