letting hate consume me...
I used to be such a HAPPY person, I have recently had people say I am so sad and miserable and not myself. my fiance does not seem to even care or maybe he does and it is just all in my head i have no idea.
i carry around so much anger and hate towards BM it is not like me to hate someone so abdly. i feel like she always has a alterior motive, and shes sneaky anda lways looking for ways to mess with his head. am i crazy ? she thinks she is so hott and amazing it kills me, she is barely tall enough not to be considered a midget, and she has tattoos all over her(not being mean just stating) and she shows herself off all the time like shes so hott, and she drives the top of the line car (some of his $ paid for that) and USES men, tries to brainwash her kids. shes EVIL. she cheated on him why cant she just get a life? shes so snobby, and mean, her daughter even acts like that sometimes and i am starting to get ANNOYED.
You're obsessing over her to
You're obsessing over her to the degree you need professional counseling. She probably is all the things you've said but really so what?
Do you have children of your own? The reason I ask is because if you don't then there is no reason for you to hook up with a guy who does. Find a guy without children and start a family of your own instead of taking on this.
The girl is going to act more and more like Mommy - that's just normal - and you're going to quickly find every moment of your life steeping in hate for her also.
Get out of this while its still relatively easy. Just tell your finace that you made a mistake - take the blame on yourself - you don't have to go into detail and move out as quickly as possible. This weekend for instance. This is a lose lose situation, you'll lose, he'll lose, any children you make will end up in a broken family (yours) and the girl will lose. Meanwhile the BM, the one you hate the most, will be laughing up her sleeve if she had one. Don't let that happen.
I think its because you feel
I think its because you feel like you have no control over the situation. If given a choice, you probably wouldn't have anything to do with BM and the skids, right? But they are forced upon you by DH. In reality, you do have a choice. You have a choice to be with your DH, a choice to disengage from skids, a choice not to interact with BM at all, and the choice to set boundaries that you won't allow crossed by any of them.
Once you realize that you do have alot of control in your life and let go of what you don't have control of (BM's actions), you'll feel better.
lol - I totally admit that I was so anxious and angry after a really bad day in court this week, my stomach felt like it was turned inside out. Because I don't have control over what the judge rules and it effects us so much. What I do have control of is my life and all the good things in it. And on a very petty note, I know that what would absolutely chap BM's hide more than anything in the world is if I showed up around town this summer looking absolutely fabulous. I have control over that;) So I jumped right back into my exercise and diet regime and plan to tone up/lose 15 pounds by June. I pulled out my kickboxing video and took out some serious agression this morning, lol. win/win!
thank u so much for your
thank u so much for your positive feed back. yes maybe i have obsessed over her but its hard because i efel like she has so much control over my life but i need to take back the control. its just been rough for me, everytime we go somewhere like a mini vacation we hear about it...its just been a rough road. as to the posts from you two above, maybe i do need counseling, maybe i dont maybe i am obsesed maybe im not who knows but i am human and i have been hurt very badly in my past and i am scared for that to happen again. and to add to the mix i have had numerous miscarriages, i would say that does not help this situation either.
& good for you!!! goodluck in
& good for you!!! goodluck in the gym, it is a GREAT outlet!!!!!!!
I hear you loud and clear.
I hear you loud and clear.
My SDs BM abandoned them, let them be molested by grown men, made fun of me for miscarrying and does not pay her child support- her parents do. The kids are with us full time.
I watch crime shows a lot and was watching one about an actual serial killer in Kansas known as BTK. While learning about the process of catching him was fascinating, I was even more fascinated by the resilience of the families of his victims. The second to last victim impact statement, in particular, has stuck with me.
The guy who gave that statement referred to his mother's killer as a "walking cesspool," "social malignancy," "social sewage" and "depraved predator."
He then went on to discuss how all of the families of BTK's victims have and will overcome his depravity, have and will lead productive, loving, honest lives, and how they will not let these horrible events define them.
It was at that moment that I decided that if these people, who have been through such horrid tragedies, could do those things, so could I. I decided to exercise more often, find more hobbies, talk with my friends more often (and make new ones), focus on my loved ones and changing what I could control. I cannot control BM. Every adjective and noun that gentleman used to describe BTK are those I have used when referring to BM in private and away from the kids.
Finding other, more meaningful things with which to occupy my time saved my sanity and kept me from going berserk on anyone. BM does not deserve so much space in your head. She is not worthy. Exercise, in particular, is terrific. It helps decrease the resentment on a large scale.
thank you for your reply. you
thank you for your reply. you are right in so many ways. i appreciate it.
BM sounds like an utter POS.
BM sounds like an utter POS. Would your DH be okay with neither of you really having anything to do with her?
It can be done. Child switching done by neutral third party, etc. Any critical information passed in emails.
Most people have way too much contact with toxic BMs. Get a court order and follow it to the letter. It's really amazing how little communications you really need to do with BM. Forget co-parenting. Parallel parenting is much better when one of the parties is a hideous person.
Neither of you NEED to communicate about your life, etc with BM.
she would probably have a cow
she would probably have a cow if we did that, she would say its not best for the kids. however, what she has done and they have saw is clearly not best....she always wins.
It doesn't matter what she
It doesn't matter what she says Carrie - she isn't part of your family. If communication with her is causing problems, then block her from cell phones, change your home number, block her from all personal and work emails and set up an email account that you only use to communicate with her. Decide how you would like contact in an emergency. Through a third party or get caller ID and only answer your home phone if the kids are with you. If she calls the home number with anything other than an emergency, let her know she'll get blocked.
DH has to put his foot down.
DH has to put his foot down. It won't stop until he does. He needs to tell her that he will not be answering her calls. She can leave a message and he will call her back IF the situation warrents it. And let every call go to VM. Ignore texts, ignore emails.
She won't stop until she is FORCED to stop.
She is renting space in your
She is renting space in your head and you are paying for it. The longer yu let her linger... the more SHE WINS. I am really... who wouldn't want to live rent free?
I have found that putting my energy in to MY family is the only way from letting outsiders, in. She is not a part of my family. She is an outsider. She can't come in, unless invited. Don't invite her in. Keep the blinds drawn and don't answer the phone, metphorically speaking.
I have been where you are. It took several years of me obsessing and being completely consumed by whatever BM was up to, before I realized, she was stealing my happiness. She is a miserable person. I don't need to be miserable with her. She wins if I do that!
yes you are right, i have
yes you are right, i have alot of work to do. thanks
Box of rats (Friends episode
Box of rats (Friends episode that someone here mentioned to me once) - Phoebe and her boyfriend are taking care of a box full of baby rats...
She's "just a box of rats"...I love the imagery! }:)
My BF's XW is not bad
My BF's XW is not bad looking...she must not be considering she goes thru men like you and I change our panties BUT as much as it did give me a complex and at times still does I know my BF loathes her to no end!!! She did him wrong and dirrty in sooo many ways that he would rather have his eyes gouged out then ever be with her or go back with her in any way...EVER!!!!
I know how it feels to have that shit burn your ass to no end to see and know that a trashy attention whore skank is still in your mans life because he was dumb enough to get with her, fuck her, and knock her up...TRUST ME I KNOW ALL TOO WELL AND I HATE IT TOO!!! BUT...the only upside is that he doesn't want her, he despises her, and only deals with her because he HAS TO not because he wants to. If he were giving her any attention and kissing her ass etc. THEN I would worry and be suspicious but if he is anything like my BF and he would rather rot than see or talk to BM then try your best not to let the situation or her get to you.
You actually have that
You actually have that fashion decrease! It's lots of true to life simplicity! It does not consider a form of art expert to be able to love this specific!
Columbus Locksmith
I wish I had some advice for
I wish I had some advice for you, but know you are not the only one! I struggle with this a lot. BM is wealthy & has the kind of good looks, hair, skin, fashion, car, lifestyle etc that only money can buy. I drive myself crazy comparing myself and thinking about her sometimes. And I have one of the "good DH" who always puts me first and doesn't deal with her ever..and I still feel this way. :/
I may actually start doing
I may actually start doing something meditative during my day if I can find the time, just to work on thinking about her negatively less.
And I'd better start soon because the product of her GU gets here in a week.