Keep bedroom for SD19 (20 in Jan)?
What are your opinions about keeping a bedroom for adult skids? We have a 4 BR house...SS13 has his own room, our BR, DH's office (he works at home most of the time), and SD19's BR. SD is rarely here anymore. I haven't even heard from her since we got back from vacation in August. Once in awhile she'll want to stay here, either to "protect SS13" (they are PAS'd big time) or if she's fighting with her mom (we assume).
I'm not sure if I should approach DH with this right now, but that's a really nice room that's not being used 95% of the time. I could make it a craft/exercise room as I'm currently trying to figure out a place to put my treadmill. I don't want it in the living room, fam. room is not big enough, and the only other option is our BR, which is the current plan if it fits.
SD19 is not going to school and I have no idea if she has a job at this moment (a whole other issue). I know because of the PAS, DH would like to keep a room for her, but she is almost 20! Do you think it's horrible of me to want to use her room?
I would say make it your
I would say make it your craft/exercise room but keep a sleeper sofa in there. You can use the couch or futon when ever you like and she can sleep on it when she comes. Maybe leave a little closet space but there is no need for an adult to have a room at there parents house unless they are there full time. This way to you can show your DH that there is still a space for her to sleep but unless he wants to share his office with you, you need your space as well.
I DID change my dd's room
I DID change my dd's room when she went to college! So for yep i'd change it. Make it a guest room/exercise room and be done with it. She is almost 20 no need to keep a shrine to adults that move on with their lives so why can't you?
I'm with the others & I'd
I'm with the others & I'd also keep a futon or sleeper sofa in there for when she does stay over (or any other guest for that matter).
Change it and start using
Change it and start using it.....that's what I did when sd21 left and it felt so kind of cleansing and calming after all the shi**y times I can tell you. It became a Gym area, treadmill, weights all the bits and was finally used for "good ". I used to joke to DH that the room had never seen so much action.....sd21 was a sloth, untidy as hell, and rarely moved from the room at all!! It was kinda nice to open the blinds ( she kept them closed ALL the time, enjoy the fantastic view ( we were 6 floors up, overlooking a park) and actually get to see the carpet again after being buried under her dirty, clothes, plates, cups, etc !!!
In our new house there are no skid rooms, just my gorgeous guestrooms, not planning on starting any new "shrines" or becoming free storage for them anymore.......
She's an adult, turn the room
She's an adult, turn the room into whatever you want, adults do not need bedrooms at mommy and daddy's. If you want her to visit or have others who will possible visit put a futon or sleeper sofa in there, but make the room yours. After all you do pay the bills you don't need her permission. If she wants a bedroom she can have one in her own place.
My mom turned my very
My mom turned my very colorful bedroom into a beige and brown guest room when I left (at 18, like a normal person, lol). I had my fee fees hurt for about 10 minutes, but then I got on with life. It's weird to go sleep in there now though without yellow walls & the rainbow bedspread. But I think it's creepy when people keep like a shrine to their adult kid's teenage decorating disasters in their home, when said kid is at the age where they're bringing home boyfriends or girlfriends to meet the family, yanno?
No you're not wrong for
No you're not wrong for feeling this way. My SD recently moved out and DH wanted to keep the room as a shine. Nope. I told him we're getting rid of SD's old furniture and using it as a guest room/office. I'm going to repaint and decorate it. I've also started storing stuff in there to give us more space in our master bedroom. DH was a little hesitant at first, but realizes it's no longer SD's room . . .plain and simple.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your replies. Wouldn't you know it, guess who came to dinner tonight! LOL Tonight was visitation with SS13 and SD19 came along. We had a nice dinner together. I haven't mentioned anything to DH yet. SD is 19, but emotionally probably about 16. BM PAS's them and is VERY controlling. SD lives with BM, and from what I can tell, has no plans on moving out. Oh, she TALKS about how she would like to get an apt., but she does nothing towards that. She was supposed to start school in the fall..nope. She worked at a camp all summer, but that's over so no job. She says she's looking for one. She is a very sweet girl, but she is emotionally immature.
I do like the idea of the futon. She'll have a place to sleep when she is here but the room isn't wasted the rest of the time! I'll have a place to escape other than my bedroom!
SD informed us when she
SD informed us when she turned 18 she wouldn't be spending the nights here and weekend would be pretty much nill. I didn't see any reason to save space for a child that didn't want to be here. I gave her 6 months, no overnights, SS got her room, and I got my den back as a den all the time. ODD is now "off" at college though is spending about every other weekend at home (she lives with my mom while attending school). Her room is staying her room but I have told her, it would also be used for guests.
Get rid of the room, put in a sleeper sofa/futon and say Welcome to adulthood.