Just checking in
Man it's been awhile since I've posted and I have been busy as heck. Just a couple of BIG changes on my end. As of July 27th I have 3 years clean and sober, unless you consider drinking energy drinks an addiction lol. I now have full custody of my bio son 4 and much to my surprise I now have my bio son 14 and daughter 12. They came up for the summer and my son was going to say so my x wife said my daughter can stay also after her boyfriend of 8 years(she left me for him and got knocked up when I was in the army) got hooked on meth and broke into there place multiple times. I was in there life every day until I shipped to basic training. There mom and I had the same parenting styles so they sent perfect but do real good in school. To say the least it has been a very eye opening experience for my wife because her two boys are the same age but totally opposite. My 14 son has a 4.0 GPA,all all Star in 3 sports and grouted 3 collages last year. My daughter carries A's and B's and both are very hardworking and outgoing. I went with my son to get his classes scheduled and he has the same counsler as SS14 who has already done his. The counsler looked at his transcripts and look up at me then looked back down and said "well I can see your nothing like your brother" and my son very politely said "you mean step brother". The counsler chuckled and said yep sorry about that. Within 5 minutes she was getting him set up to test into 3 10th grade advanced classes and his Spanish class also and almost every sentence was about getting him into a good college. we pick up his schedule Monday and I was telling my wife about the schedule and and collage talk and she was like"wow they didn't talk college or anything with ss14". I played dumb but the truth is ss14 only got a pass/fail on his classes because of his IEP plan and SS 12had to take summer school. I never thought disengaging would mean they would fail at school but not my car not my race. I'll post more tonight or tomorrow morning about some of the blended issues we've had. All I can say is the advice in the past and things I I've read while lurking have helped a lot and thank you guys.
You are the one who
You are the one who considered the advice and sifted out the ideas that may work in your situation. AND, you are the one who applied the advice to your current stepfamily. You didn't just whine and complain. You tried something different.
Sounds as if your hardwork is paying dividends for your children and yourself.
It was a school guidance
It was a school guidance counselor, not a medical counselor.
All that was disclosed, was
All that was disclosed, was the counselors opinion. Should have kept it to himself but, nothing worth getting knickers twisted over.
True. Plus it pushes that
True. Plus it pushes that wedge a little deeper between the steps. Never a good thing.
And???
And???
Okay, now that's enough.
Okay, now that's enough. This is the second day in a row that I am in agreement with you, Heaven.
Stop that rationality, right now!!!
(No subject)
Personal opinion was
Personal opinion was disclosed. Nowhere in this post, did OP state that counselor disclosed grades or the like. Chill!
I'm betting that if this
I'm betting that if this counselor had disclosed a positive opinion, you'd be just fine with that. Probably would have skipped right by this post. :? No time for such contrary behavior.
Why do you get yourself so
Why do you get yourself so worked up over such things? He is the SF. Maybe he HAS permission from his wife to be 'in the know.' No need to make this a federal case.... over people you don't even know personally.
Too many hours in Human Resources has you in a snit, lol.
Again, she disclosed her
Again, she disclosed her OPINION. Almost everyone agrees that it wasn't the right thing to do. I just don't see the need to blow up this thread, over something none of us has control over. Too late.... thread blown up! Sorry OP.
pssst.... there's a nice little thread about a SM's father raping the 14 rr old SD. Quick.... blow that one up, LOL.
^minor. If your child is a
^minor. If your child is a "miner" then there are some serious child labor law violations going on.
"well I can see your nothing
"well I can see your nothing like your brother"..... No information tansferred. No deep discussion.
A non issue IMHO.
The counselor didn't reveal
The counselor didn't reveal anything that wasn't already common knowledge. The district has put up with SS 14 shit for the past 6 years and my wife's inability to make him take any responsibility for his actions. I got heavily involved in SS school for about 6 months. Spent 400 on football equipment,his grades all went up. all it took was onne altercation between him and another student on video pummeling the kid and I was done
I sat there with the principal, teacher, and his counsler with my wife. We watched the video and all but my wife agreed SS was at fault. My wife blamed the school and the other kid and we had a huge fight about it so at that point I disengaged unless it effects my kids. There is nothing illegal or unethical about him saying what he said. Unprofessional maybe but to be honest it's common knowledge and I'm happy that the high school is on top of what they are in for with SS 14. To be honest I could see the apprehension on the counselors face when we walked in and due to 80 new students coming in he didn't have time to review bio sons transcripts. When he opened them I think he was kinda put at ease and the hardest part was convincing bio son to take 2 not 3 advanced classes as to not drop his overall GPA over 4 years from being overloaded.
My wife and I just had it out last weekend where I told her that "yes you are a shitty parent if you don't have follow through with your kids". That was in response to walking by SS 14 room which you could smell piss( cat,human), BO, and outright stunk. She said "well he cleaned it". So I go in and there were cloths covered in cat shit and piss by the wall and his piss covered clothes under the bed. I said " no it's not clean because of A,B,C ". I mean hell a few months ago we were driving to my mother's place and she looks at me and said " I'm just so wore out. I don't even want to be a mom". I was floored and to say the least glad I disengaged for the most part.
In the last 3 months I've had to fire 2 young boys 19 and 20 years old) due to this type of parenting. I had to repeatedly go over there work and have it redone and totally lack of any kind of initiative. I know sometimes kids go there own path but it is my job as a parent to guide them and hold them accountable for there actions.
Please don't get me wrong I love my wife more than i can put into words but her parenting sucks. I've went from leaving her twice to weighing the good to the bad and the good outweighs the bad with her. I had a long talk with my Step mom who was very instrumental in helping me get sober. She bluntly said " fedupskiddad in a few years your kids will be gone and you will have only each other. You hit a point that the only thing your dad and I could do was damage control and hope you would take whar we tried to teach you and put it to use". I put my stepmom through hell and she did disengage from me for a long time but she has ALWAYS been honest and blunt with me. I gave her a big hug with tears in my eyes and said thank you. I hope one day my stepsons will look back and realize I have there best interest at heart and only want them to succeed in life.
So today I'm continuing the custom bunk beds for bio son 4 and 14 and bio daughter 12 and stepson 12. There going to have hidden rope lights in the tops and hard wired internet with privacy Curtians and each of them get to paint them whatever color they choose. We have two 14 year olds and two 12 year old and a 4 year old in our house. The hardest part about being sober is relearning life itself. To be honest I would not trade all the drama and bullshit I have now for a peaceful non skid life and a cold vodka and OJ. It has taught me so much about myself and being a parent. The only thing I can do is push
myself to do better than the day before and solider on. I have learned a lot from people on here and it's nice to know I have a place to vent or ask for advice.
SS-14 was not present. No
SS-14 was not present. No feelings hurt.
I am pretty much black and white. This one does not even get a little bit grey for me.
A non issue.