ive moved out
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Came home from work and the shit hit the fan.
I cant live like this anymore. Ive tried for 6 months and i just cant live with his children.
I wont be disrepected in my own home by some child neither will i tolerate the lack of parenting from SO or the general lack of respect.
He isnt happy but i honestly believe its the right thing to do to save our relationship. Told him i wont ever live with Sd 17 agin so until she leaves we live separately.
Big sigh of relief and i feel happier already 
Hugs. I hope you can
Hugs. I hope you can continue your relationship without living together. She's 17 so hopefully it won't be long.
We have managed 3 yrs living
We have managed 3 yrs living apart prior to moving in. I always said 6 months trial. Unfortunately skids issues never improved and i dreaded going home. Yes its not easy living apart but at least i will have sanity.
Cant see Sd17 ever moving out tho so will all depend on when SO decides he wants me (if at all) back in his lfe permanently and helps her to.move out.
Why did you leave? Better to
Why did you leave? Better to call a locksmith to rekey the locks and let DH and his spawn figure out where they are going to live.
I am not one to give the cause of the problem a pass. Better to turn up the heat until they step up and address the problem rather than reduce the pressure and let them skate.
IMHO of course.
Take care of yourself.
We have been together going
We have been together going on 5 years and at the 3 year mark, they moved in with me in my house. My SO, SD18, SD16, and SS 14. Approx 9 months later I asked them to leave because I was sick of feeling used and abused and we broke up over it. Looking back now it was the best thing to happen as it made my SO take stock of his dysfunctional family ( mind you BM had a big part the play too in stirring the pot with the skids) and now 18 months later, SO and SS15 ( nearly 16) has moved back in with rules and more respect this time.
Sometimes as rags said you need to shake the tree to see what falls and I was definitely prepared to move on but was happy he stepped up and made up instead. Is it perfect!0? No! But we are way better than before and are moving towards marriage now. And BM is out if the skids life now ( yippee) as she put a restraining order on SS and now all 3 ignore her as they finally see how toxic she and her midget stir the pot boy friend is. It's actually been better since the restraining order.. Way more settled and calm!
So perhaps this is a phase but don't make it comfortable for him To have his cake ( you) and eating it ( his freedom to do what he likes when he likes) . I never stayed over night at his rental. I refused to and would say I've got a lovely house and I prefer my comfy bed thanks. Besides, he gave his 20 year old daughter the main room and I refused to share the smelly toilet and bathroom with a 15 year old. So if he wanted to stay, he had to see me.
sorry... Duplicate post.
sorry... Duplicate post.
I went back to my house (that
I went back to my house (that i own) and he is staying in his rental. I have no intention of being around SD17 ever again. SO needs to teach her basic manners and respect. Unfortunately for me i cant see him stepping up and doing that. Even after ive left this eve he is far more concerned about her than our relationship. I wont sleep overnight again there
He will have to make more effort to see me. If not we are finished.
Sally i wish i had the
Sally i wish i had the strength and conviction that i thought my SO will do that. Sadly i dont think he will. His life revolves around precious SD17 so in my heart though i love him i believe with me leaving our relationship will end. He just wont make the effort to see me. We now live over an hour away from each other. It was hard before we moved in and now there is a divide so will be harder. Guess its a question of watch this space!
That made me laugh....SD
That made me laugh....SD never sees her BM which i believe is half the issue. He has 3 other skids. So a night together is an almost impossibility. He is out with SD17 every mon wed and fri nite for her swimming and away most wkends. He doesnt have time for a relationship which i have told him on many occasions. I stupidly thought if i moved in that would change. I was wrong.
We have date night on a thursday once a fortnight by my insistence but i can see that disappearing.
It will come down to how much HE wants this relationship to work because atm im not going to put the effort in anymore.
"He doesnt have time for a
"He doesnt have time for a relationship which i have told him on many occasions. I stupidly thought if i moved in that would change. I was wrong."
This stood out to me....so why put your life on hold then..hoping and waiting for him to value you and your relationship. I would have been long gone to give him the time and space to work out whats important in his life and YOU in the mean time, can get on with your life and start reclaiming your happy place again!
I told my SO once....I hope SD20 keeps you warm at night. See ya later. I even went out on a few dates with other men too...and my SO was frantic trying to win me back once he realised I meant what I said and that I had no intention on caving and settling for being treated last....these men have to find out for themselves whats more important...you cant make them or change their minds.
Now get out there and start enjoying your life and REFUSE to lift a finger to make the relationship work.... don't visit him. He has to want to date you PROPERLY!! You aren't married...let him whoo you and chase you again (if you want him that is)
If HE wants you...he knows where you are and what you need in order to be happy together. I have NO TIME for these men who pour their entire lives into their kids and then expect a woman to be patiently waiting in the wings whilst accepting being placed at the bottom of the ladder. Na...no time. To me its avoiding emotional intimacy when they hide behind their kids. I want a man...not a blouse.
Ha ha....why thank you just
Ha ha....why thank you just wow...unfortunately my pearls of wisdom have come from being treated poorly in the past and finally declaring to myself that I deserved better. My self esteem was low after I divorced and looking back I was just desperate to be in a relationship....any relationship for fear of being left all alone.
Ive learnt over the years that I deserve better and yeah...I now refused to tolerate "less than" behaviour. Its been a rocky personal journey and Im still discovering who I am but I am feeling stronger and more committed to expecting to have a man in our relationship, not a blouse (or a whoos as they say in Australia). Im too old to tolerate boyish and baby behaviour. If you want me in your life, show me.
OP, you need to take a Huge step back and "allow" him to show you that he is for real about you. Stop chasing him as its made him emotionally lazy and he expects you to do all the hard yards. Will you lose him? Perhaps, but then he really wasn't committed to you then so isn't it better you know now and not later when you are married with kids??