Is it ok to do things with just your bio kids?
I went to an amusement park just for a few hours with my kids and my skids. The SS behavior so bad he drove my family crazy to where we could not enjoy ourselves (he has MAJOR behavior problems and seeing therapist). SD was inappropiate going on and on in front of my young nephew about how she likes girls and is bisexual. She needs so much attention that she will say and do just about anything. When we are with my family she tries to suck all the attention she can. I can't even have a conversation with my mom. We visited my friend once, and she wanted to get caught up with my kids because she hadn't seen them in a few years and SD was clamoring for all the attention where she couldn't even have a conversation with my kids.
So I would like to go back to the amusement park with my parents, siblings and just my bio kids so they can hang out with their grandparents, in a way they rarely get to do anymore now that we live further away and how bf's kids take all the attention. I know this is going to make bf mad as he wants us to function like one big happy family, but I have to complain til I'm blue in the face to get him to parent his kids at all or pay attention to what they are doing, or get them in therapy etc.. I'm at the point now where I feel like, you half ass parenting and don't listen to me, these are the consequences. My parents should be able to spend time with their grandchildren ya know?
Has anyone dealt with this? There are more things that I would like to do just me and my kids, mostly because his kids going means drama, them fighting, bad behavior where you can't even enjoy yourself etc.
Yep, stepdevil14 is exactly
Yep, stepdevil14 is exactly like your SD and we had a similar experience a couple of summers ago at an amusement park as well.
I ended up going just me and DD15 the following weekend because stepdevil14 ruined our entire day and I wanted that time to enjoy with my daughter. DH totally understood and did not have a problem with us returning to the park alone without him or stepdevil14. Not that I cared if DH DID have an issue with it, I would've gone anyway, but if HIS kid is the reason for the return visit, how can he really complain you know?
Yeah, I don't see a problem
Yeah, I don't see a problem with this.
We don't even take both skids everywhere with us all the time. There's been plenty of times when DH or I will take one skid to the library or museum without the other .. usually as a result of behavioral issues (trips out to do fun things are a privelege, not a right in our home).
If he wants one big happy
If he wants one big happy family then he needs to parent. He can't have it all ways.
I did have to tell DH at one point that "vacation" with SD was not going to be a vacation. We did have her with us for one round of holidays with my family and my mother told me that SD wasn't welcome to come back because of her atrocious behavior and rudeness. So I got to have that conversation with DH. He's come a long way since then.
Don't feel bad about doing things with just your kids. BF may not like it, but why would you be willing to sacrifice the happiness of yourself, your kids, your parents, your siblings just to make your BF happy? He's allowing his kids to be little monsters, no one wants to do things with kids that behave badly. If your friends or your family don't get to see your kids that often, their chance to spend time with their people shouldn't be usurped by the skids just because dad wants to pretend everything is picture perfect. If he is unhappy, then he can fix the problem and turn his children into civilized beings. Otherwise, too bad, we all have to deal with disappointment in life.
I do. I try not to flaunt it
I do. I try not to flaunt it in front of them, but I do go places with just my bios. When they come home from school with bad behavior notes on Friday, that's my cue to plan a fun outting with my boys and leave the jackles at home with dh.
Yes. I try very hard to get
Yes.
I try very hard to get 'bio time' but its difficult - skids are here 50% of the time, bios are here 80% of the time.
The reason its difficult is, DH refuses to spend time with his own children alone. When I plan bio time - I strongly suggest he does the same with his. He always acts hurt like its some offence to want some time alone with my own bio children. I try to point out that he should be doing the same with his, his reply is, well I like to spend time as a family - well newsflash DH, we aren't a family - they are your kids and I am your wife.
So, I take bio-time with my kids when his kids aren't around since he apparently refuses to spend time alone with his own children.
The question comes to my mind, so DH, if YOU don't want to spend time with your children, what makes you think I do - and frankly, why is it a sin when I even slightly suggest that I don't want to (but its ok for DH to not want to, and perfectly normal for BM to not want to) sigh
You all just echoed exactly
You all just echoed exactly how I feel about it.
I agree about not pretending to be one big happy family. Some blended families have been able to do this and that is awesome, but it doesn't happen for everyone.
I try to get him to do things with just his kids as well, but he rarely does. He tends to not want to do anything unless I go to.
He just doesn't seem to get bad behavior = negative consequences. He gets upset about his kids' bad behavior but yet doesn't want them to suffer any consequence for it.
I think in blended families it is ok to spend time with just your kids, are children shouldn't suffer because of adult issues. My kids dad was a serial cheater. It's not their fault, and they miss the days when it was just them, their bio mom and bio dad. And I'm sure his kids sometimes miss it just being their dad and them.
bio or not, i think every
bio or not, i think every child deserves some alone time with each parent. not super-duper-expensive-"you're my princess today" bullcrap, but just some alone time. (by the way, i am of the opinion that the 'special' stuff really should involve all. i remember feeling second-rate and 'un-special' cuz i was a step- that feeling sucks.)
for example, neither my brother nor s.sis had any interest in auto mechanics. so whenever dad had to do something with the car, i'd go help. easy one-on-one time that didnt take away from anyone else.
i had alone time w/ my SM too, i worked for her off and on at her office, and our alone time was the drive.
every kid needs some bonding time. with that being said, if you've tried it already, and it's totally backfired, then if i were in OP's shoes i would say just that. "I tried it, it really truly didnt work. lets each parent/entertain our own respective children for now, giving 'our family' more time to adjust to eachother, and maybe we can try it again next year."
I think its perfectly
I think its perfectly acceptable. Your dh may want to take his kids somewhere in response-just them. As long as your ok with that-then I'd say go for it. I understand everyone wanting to "blend" everything, but sometimes its ok for everyone just to live peacefully in parallel lives. Blending does not work for everyone and the fact that it is considered an "ideal" places a lot of expectations on these families. I'm sure your kids would love to just spend time with you and his kids would probably love to just be with him once in awhile.
For all of the issues I've
For all of the issues I've had adjusting to a blended family, this isn't one of them. Maybe it's because, as much as I love my husband, I'm not willing to sacrifice my DS's happiness for mine, or my husdand's or SD's. If we can't all get along, then we do separate activities.
You can always tell your DH that you think the skids need some alone time with him, so you're going to take your kids out of the way.
Yes. This is something I deal
Yes. This is something I deal with with DH and SS13. I don't want to take him places because he spoils it with his bad attitude, his need for attention from DH, or whatever his current issue may be.
I've found a clever way to deal with it. Since I'm the one who makes all the plans anyway,... I just plan things with my kids/family when SS is not her. He's with us full time and sees BM EOWe, and now in the summer he is doing 2 weeks on/off with BM, so it's a little tricky.
But... I'll make plans for him to go to spend special time at his cousin's or his grandma's and I'll do something with my kids. Of course, it's much easier while he's at BM's for two weeks.
I'd like to do an actual vacation/ overnight with just my kids, but haven't quite figured that one out yet.
DH gets all butt hurt when I "exclude" SS from anything,so I've had to get sneaky. It's not my fault that he's with his mom or spending time with his family. My life still goes on.