SD lives ft with us im going crazy
My 18 yo step daughter has been living with us for 2 months. I have no bios and have raised my brothers and sister from birth to teen. I love my step daughter so much. She calls me mom and most days im happy to have her. Her bio mom no longer wishes to care for her as she has mental issues and was almost put in an adult home. This is the toughest thing ive dealt with. Sometimes she is fine can carry an adult conversation and other times she is in manic mode. She obsesses about superstars to the point of believing she is in romantic relationships with them. She lies constantly. Told us that a vampire came into her room and impregnated her after watching twilight. We only saw her every other weekend before and she never came out with things this crazy. She gets angry at people in public. She laughs uncontrollably alot. These are all things that were not shown before. She has terrible hygiene although she is improving in that dept. I had to stand in the bathroom and instruct her on how to properly clean and rinse for avout 3 weeks straight. She pees the bed and says flat out that she just doesnt want to get out of bed to go pee.She tells lies about men and says that they have sexually abused her. The reason we know they are lies is because we have her 24 7. She will say "mom that guy i went on a date with yesterday touched my boob and i told him no" (never went on a date). My husband is afraid to even hug her because she told us that it upsets her that she cant sleep with us. With all her delusions he is so scared and so am i. She also plays her granmother against us and us against grandma. We are all aware now so we know what to look for. One day she will identify as a male and the next as a female. She is bisexual. She stares at people in public. She chews loud with her mouth open only in publicand will drool only in public. Mind you this is all new except a few mild stuff when we used to pick her up for visits. When asked why she is now showing us this side of her she says she was afraid to before. My question is, if she was able to control this behavior before, is this behavioral or is she literally insane? There is more. Due to this behavior i am with her 247. She comes with me to work. Like i said i love her but im actually feeling crazy myself right now because i just dont understand . she is also quite selfish and always wants gifts. She is obsessed with Christmas presents. Im just so confused. She does have a mental health program and we cant get her in any faster than 1/22. Anyone ever deal with this? She gets upset if my husband shows me any type of kindness. We dont yell dont abuse her. She was abused verbally by her mother. Any help or even someone that can relate would be greatly appreciated. She currently will not allow my husband and i to even be alone for 5 minutes to talk.
She sounds just like my
She sounds just like my schizophrenic 40 yr old SIL. I'd make her an appointment w/a mental health provider and get her help asap. It sounds like she could live a normal life with treatment but if the mania is left unchecked it could ruin her life as well and you and DH's.
I wish SIL had gotten help when she was younger, instead MIL yanked her out of school and hid her away from the world so she wouldn't have to listen to teachers and doctors telling her that sil had issues. Now MIL is 82 w/a failing heart, SIL still acts like a helpless 13 yr old and won't be able to survive in the world on her own. She's finally on meds because her mania got so out of control that she was admitted to the psych ward for a few months.
There's so many resources for SD like behavioral and psychotherapy. Living skills training, group homes, etc. DH needs to get her set up now because he won't be around forever to take care of her.
No matter how much you love
No matter how much you love you husband's daughter, she needs professional help that you aren't qualified to give her. Hopefully her appointment next month will get the ball rolling to get your husband connected will all the resources needed to treat your SIL's mental illness, prepare her for adulthood, and give you back your own life.
Why have you become her primary caregiver? Who was managing her care before you came along? Being you husband's wife doesn't mean you should be the one babysitting his daughter, and no marriage can last long under such pressure. That crazy you're feeling is your gut telling you that you're in a situation that is wrong/unhealthy for you. It's your H"s job to parent his child, and your job to support his efforts, not do it for him.
i agree with this. people
i agree with this. people who are abused need our support but there is a point where the burden is too much.
i also agree that you should not be her baby sitter.
you may love her and care for her, and understand she has serious problems but dont put your sanity at risk.
Yes, SD needs professional
Yes, SD needs professional help,, you have to get some answers. You can not live this way,
Nobody can give you an answer on a forum, but something is wrong!!!
Her mother wont deal with
Her mother wont deal with her, so SD is with you and DH. Your DH wont deal with her, so she is with you 24/7? How is it that you ALLOW the biological parents of this obviously mentally disturbed young woman to make her yours to deal with? Why have you accepted this situation as is? Her parents wont deal with her, so she is your responsibility? There is a LOT of mentally unwell decisions going on here...
Your SD needs professional evaluation and treatment. You probably don't that the skills or expertise to help her. Her sexualized behavior and sexual delusions are also a huge red flag to me. I would not want to be around this person because it is only a matter of time before accusations of a similar nature are leveled at you or criminal charges result.
Speak to your husband - he needs to deal with his own child, rather than shirking his responsibility to his own child. This is something he and BM need to resolve. It may be best to have this young women live in an adult residential care facility because honestly she sounds like more than my OWN mental health can deal with. In the run up to 1/22, let your husband deal with her. Step back from taking responsibility for someone who is not responsibility to deal with.