Issues with BM (my BF's Ex) in OUR house....
My BF and I have been together for 9 yrs. His kids are 19 and 21 now. When we lived in his house (house they grew up in), the BM would come by and walk in like she still lived there. Hang out in kids rooms, use computer, watch a movie with them, etc. I tried to keep my mouth shut as I sounded like the wicked step mom. Now we have moved into OUR house and she still comes to the house to see the kids, hangs out in the kitchen or their rooms, and most recently, was hungary and went into our pantry with my SD for something to eat while she visited for nearly an hour (yes, I was home). My BF was here, as well, but never said a word to either of them.
Am I crazy to let this go on? I'm so pissed about it (we've already had a discussion or two about her being here and he knows how I feel-- "if she wants to see the kids, she can pick them up and go someplace else with them or they can meet her someplace"- {yes, they have their own cars which my BF pays for}- but he does not mind her being here), but I have not been able to say anything for fear that I'll get REALLY pissed and raise my voice (yell). Waiting until our couples therapy session so I have a mediator cuz last time I tried to discuss something I was upset about (yeah, had to do with skid), he raised his voice to me, pissed, and ended the conversation.
My feeling is this is now MY house as much as his (I'm paying half the mortgage and expenses afterall) and she has no business hanging around here. How do we get on the same page?
We have skids issues as well, but I'm feeling like this one is primary right now.
UGh! So frustrated!!!
HUH? Oh my
HUH? Oh my freaking....#$%$#C%%#5 Are you kidding? I would be out the door. Actually, she would be out the door. Your BF is an idiot if he allows this although he knows you don't like it.
My DH used to just "listen" to idiot when she called...talked about crap...I told him I didn't like it and he claimed it didn't bother him and that I didn't understand because I wasn't in that situation. So I said, sure no problem. I called MY EX instead. I specifically told my DH that I would be calling my ex and ex-in-laws, etc...and that he could NOT say a darn thing about it...Of course, he said it was DIFFERENT because he had kids with the idiot...to which I replied "it's not my fault you were a moron to have kids with someone like her...don't punish me for being smart enough to not have kids with my ex". Once he realized I was serious, the crap stopped immediately.
Good luck...sorry, but he is very inconsiderate...
NO WAY. First of all, his
NO WAY. First of all, his kids are adults. They shouldn't even be staying there anymore. BUT, if they do, NO WAY IN HELL would I let their mother hang out there. WTF? Does she not have her own house? That seems really pathetic on her part, to be honest. You should absolutely not allow that.
WTF!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE
WTF!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!!! I would NEVER have allowed the BM to enter my home, whether she lived there once or not!! This is completely inappropriate! (after all, she once shared your BF's bed, but is she still welcome there? No!) Sorry to get so worked up, but this really shocked me... :jawdrop:
I went into the BM's house ONCE for a pre-arranged meeting to try to work things out and felt so uncomfortable that I never went again...I didn't even like being in her driveway during drop offs. Both me and my exH felt very strongly that BM was never to enter our home, regardless of how much the skids would have wanted it. It's just a basic boundary...
I can't believe that you had to go through that at your old place, but now that you are in a new place (and are footing half the bills for it) it is absolutely your RIGHT to say NO to the BM being in your home...It's completely inappropriate, no matter what your BF or skids say or feel. There is no reason for her to be there and when she wants to spend time with her kids she can do it in her own home or somewhere else. End of story.
I think this is one of those situations where it's okay to not compromise. You are upset, feel uncomfortable and unhappy about it and it's inappropriate. Yes, it's your BFs and skids home too, but you also live there and your home should be your sanctuary and the one place where you don't have to worry about running into the BM! (and I thought running into her at the grocery store was bad!!).
On a humorous (and joking!) note, you could always try walking around naked or make out with the BF on the couch while she's there! (yes, i'm joking!).
Wow, girl, i'm sorry you are experiencing this. No way in Hell would I put up with this and you shouldn't either...
After such a long habit of this inappropriate behavior, you will probably get resistance from the BM, skids and possibly the BF over this, but if it was me, I would say "either the house is a BM-free zone, or I move out!" Don't put up with this crap!!
Damn too bad you are not in
Damn too bad you are not in Texas where you can shoot people who come in your house.
She sounds like someone who "needs killin" as my sister would say. My sister who is the most adamant foe of the death penalty.
Forget what BF or skids say and tell that &%&(*$$* bitch to get her %*(*^% ass out of your home and to NEVER set foot there again. Don't ask. Just tell her where to shove it. Forget about the same page. Who gives a *&*( what he thinks.
Hell does she sit on your bed and talk to you while you and dh have sex? She's doing everything else in your house. What is she a sister-wife?
If BM set foot in this house I think I would conk her with a baseball bat (no guns in this house).
My sentiments exactly! Though
Wow um I went thru this
Wow um I went thru this actually. BM and DH were never married but were bf and gf for 4 yrs. They were split up for 3 yrs when I came into the picture. BM would walk into our house and walk around like she owned the place for about a year and I kept my mouth shut in fear that if I said anything my DH would stand up for her. Finally I got him to see the light. We put an end to that. She never hung out, got on the computer, ate my food, watched movies, ect. I would have lost my fucking mind. I had trouble with her being in my house for 5-10mins... Hours???!!! Omfg NO!!!!! I'm sorry to be blunt and I do somewhat understand but why in the Hell have you allowed this for 9 fing years???!!! How can you stand to feel like the other woman by watching your husbands ex wife and your husband walk around your house and be all hunky dorey while BM raids your home and you just sit there???? What is wrong with your DH and that nut job BM???!!! Please stand up for yourself and talk to your DH and get on the same page. Tell him you've had it. If it doesn't stop, her coming into your home and acting like you are all three a happily married couple, that you will leave and let him have her since he has no problem having her run over his current wife and your home. Then the next time she comes over your DH needs to tell her this shit is unacceptable and she is not to step foot in your guys home again, with you right there next to him, showing her your united front. Speak up when and where you feel it is needed but let him TELL her for the most part. This is no ok. I can't wait for the counselor to tell him what a dip shit he is.
She has no right in your
She has no right in your home; lay down the law. The skids should be old enough to understand and your bf should respect you enough to enforce some rules. BM can wait outside or in her car for skids.
OMG reading these posts
OMG reading these posts terrify me that my kids aren't going to move out EVER. They are only 9 and 10 LOL Why are these kids still living at home? And why can't they drive their asses to see their mom at her house? Sooooooo many issues here!
If my BM EVER came into the
If my BM EVER came into the this house that she once lived in ...I WOULD SHOOT THE BITCH FAIR IN THE FN FACE!!!
AND I WOULD HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO DO SO...
Suggest you get a gun and learn how to use it.....then tell her she can see her Bio kids elsewhere....but not in your home.
Now.....if you are trying to be NOICE....keep friends with her...etc.....THEN GO BUY A PIT BULL AND TRAIN IT TO BARK AND LOOK MEAN!
My ex H for about 9 months
My ex H for about 9 months after the divorce would just walk right in no warning no knock ( I had changed the locks but he got a copy from our kids) I told him if he did it again I was returning the favor. He wandered in, next day I went to his house walked right in opened the fridge grabbed a soda, plopped on the couch next to him and his roommate and asked what movie we were watching. They looked at me like I sprouted two heads. Told him hows it feel? He shrugged said it was no biggie and proceded to put on a movie for us to watch. However when the roommate told his bff (not gf she didn't seem to care either) she flipped on him and told him one of these days he was gonna walk into my house and see something he didn't want to see. He doesn't even come to the door anymore just sits in the driveway (having SO living here probably helps that)
Yep.... the
Yep.... the OIHNTHW*^Y#*$^(#P&%$U% comment was exactly how I felt today when I found out she set foot in our house. After EVERY evil, childish, manipulative, hurtful thing she has done since I've known my boyfriend the last year, she's lucky if I don't slam the door on her ass and see how far she flies... which wouldn't be far based on some *cough* factors.
IMO, new house, new rules. You have every right to be beyond miffed. It's like she's trying to pee on your territory to show you she's still the boss of the household. However, on a side note... I still ask my mom and dad permission to come over and if I can go in her pantry out of respect for their space and time. So if a 32 year old woman still does that with her family, it seems to me that it's not that unheard of to be respectful and polite.
New house, new rules, adult kids. Get the hell out BM.
I really wish the OP would
I really wish the OP would respond here... So many of us were seriously upset and enraged by BM and DHs actions here... I really hate it when this happens bc its like reading a book... You get half way thru it, you are totally stuck on it and you come to the end of the book just to find out there is not one!! Lol. Leaving you totally dumb stuck, filled with tons of questions to why this and that happened, what happened with so and so, ect. It totally sucks.
So OP please fill us in on Wth happened, if you ever said or did anything to get BM the Hell out of your house, if you put DH in his place, how they reacted, ect. Thank you!! Also I still wish u the best of luck and hope things get better for ya!