im just a doormat really and seriously need help
i honestly have read replies to peoples messages and feel like a doormat. I do stick up for myself but seriously im tired of rowing. My dh is obviously a lazy parent who doesnt care how his kids are dragged up. Why should i bother?
its hard
caring what they eat
if they are clean
they change their underwear
if everything is ok at school
-if they even go to school
-if they are having social relationships
-if they brush their teeth
-if they have good manners
-picking them up on lies
-not being hurt by the mean things they say
-not being hurt by being ignored
-being critized for what i cook
-being critized for what i dont cook
-being compared to lazy arse bm
-hearing how good in the past bm and dh had a nice time at xyz
-hearing about bm and dh ex friends and reminising about old times
-reminding them to put their laundry in the basket
-asking them to put things away when they are finished
-trying to ignore the snide remarks the teeager freak makes under his breath as he walks away
-caring if he sits in his room all day and looks like a fecking ghost as he never sees daylight
-sticking my fingers in my ears when ss 16 tries to parent sd8 and bs6, then pulling him up on it and usual sarcastic shit to follow
-trying to not engage with ss16 racist comments and argueing with him about it
-trying to prevent him subjecting the younger kids to 15+ video games and dvds (im a square apparently)
-getting ss16 to reaslise im not a fucking taxi cab and your legs are useful to walk
-listening to the sd8 say fucking daddy every 5 minutes, and want in the same sentence
-being asked a question by one of the younger kids and ss16 replying for me when i havent even had a chance to speak
over over over it. i feel better for letting that out, i think dh should read this. thankfully i still have my own house (didnt give that up). im trying to disengage and dh has got better (wow he even bought wholemeal bread today lol), but hes not open to any form of perceived criticism and gets very defensive). He agrees with disengagement but if i bring an issue up with one of his kids he immediately counteracts with an issue about bs6. how can you compare a 16yr old to a 6yr old ffs!!!
ive found this forum and have posted a couple of comments, because the past few weeks have got worse ( i think its worse as i had a whole week of respite in school holidays). Im so so glad i found this place where people finally underrstand me xxx
oh this is aside from the
oh this is aside from the crazy now lesbian bm who has basically abandoned them , is like a weekend dad and buys their affection, but sees them 2 nights a fortnight and one week of school hols. But for a whole year saw them maybe 4 nights a month. SD8 is extremely needy, and bm is a crazy lying mother who has tried to control and still does our household through ss16 (eg phonecall - dad you need to give sd8 a bath tonight mum says) :jawdrop:
"My dh is obviously a lazy
"My dh is obviously a lazy parent who doesnt care how his kids are dragged up. Why should i bother?"
Smurf, you shouldn't and you don't have to! Hugs to you!! You have been trying to do an impossible task.
I think you need to consider stepping back a bit.
Someone posted this link on another thread just a few minutes ago.
It's great!
Applies to your situation.
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Good luck!
ive read about disengaging
ive read about disengaging and im trying to, its so hard though. lol this week sd8 came home from bms house with femwash stuff because shes not washing down below, because ive disengaged. (with specific instructions im not to use it lol ha ha ha wtf!!!)
So im making son have a bath/shower but not her, dh is realising but its a slow process. ive stopped cooking unless bs is around, i dont go into ss bedroom and dont move any clothes off the floor (if he wants to wear something he can put it in laundry basket to get washed or can wear it dirty). But now im being mean, i dont want to be seen as mean, just some respect. SS 16 bedding hasnt been changed for 5 weeks now, its irritating the hell out of me. They see im being nice to my son and not them, to be honest im really really hurt right now as ive done so much for these kids and their lousy bm gets all the praise whilst i feel like a huge scapegoat/ punchbag.