Wow...I understand that kids can REALLY take after their parents but to say it's her voice when he speaks is a bit much Notamum. It sounds like you are projecting your dislike for BM onto your SO's child which isn't fair AT ALL!

Honestly, I feel that thinking that way is unhealthy & can make one lose their mind. Eventually, it will turn into SS is just like BM so when SO gives in to SS, he's giving in to BM...where will it stop?

My SD7 takes after her BM as far as attitude & entitlement goes (& she's only 7!!!) but I had to stop myself bunching my feelings for one onto the other & it sounds like you need to realize that they are two separate people!

The negative outlook may be genetic but you can work with him on how to see the positive...lying is pretty normal for that age. Hopefully your SO sees it & is willing to work on it.

I think I understand what you are saying; but may have been percieved wrong; it's hard to get things across typing.....My SD is her dad thru and thru. If you put a wig on him; they are twins. My DH has a very bad attitude; he can treat me and people very rudley at times. and this is how SD is acting; like her Sh*** doesn't stink. and then she gets some from her mother (no one makes her except any responsibilty) so SD thinks everything she does is okay; her favorite saying when you are trying to talk to her is "Shoo Fly; go away." and she will put her hand up! this is her mother!! It makes me want to SCREAM!! She is a bit of both and it eats me up that no one says a WORD. Maybe it's not how the kid acts like his mom but what he gets away with. I could be wrong here but I can understand where you are coming from......... Try to place your anger on the person who makes you mad; because it's sad but it's not the kids fault; just hope that when he gets older he figures out that it's not okay to act or treat people like that. My SD never did

notamum, I totally relate, and don't beat yourself up for one second. I agree with part of what Anywho said, in that no one can help what they look like(from the genetic standpoint)or what parent they take after...BUT, you (we) are human beings and have feelings and are not blind. My skid too is exactly like his mother, and his mother is a vile human being in every sense. My BF is a dark, handsome, GQ kind of guy, and BM looks like some sort of inbreeding accident from the nuclear waste dump. Sad for the kid, but YES, sad for me too, that when I look at him, it is his mother's eyes and hair and weird face staring back. Its just a fact, certainly not my fault, and if the kid looked like dad, so it would be, and that would be great, but is isn't so. And yes, his tone is her, and his attitude is hers and it creeps the hell out of me and I often feel like it is her taking up space in my house instead of him. I do not, and I am sure you do not notamum, blame skid for his genetics, or ask him why he looks the way he does, or tell him how unfortuanate it is that he didn't take after the desirable parent. Of course not. On this site we vent about it, and find friends to share our feelings, but it doesn't mean we ever take it out on the skids. I think for those of us that deal with very unpleasant or very unattractive BMs, and then hear the exact same words come out of skid's mouth, or see the exact same physical features in our house...duh, we can't ignore that and yes notamum, it totally sucks! But we are adults and keep our feelings to ourselves and come to this site to find other women in the same boat. So you wish skid didn't exist? Glad to hear it. Me to, about 100 times a day! I grin and find my own things to do and act the adult role and ask skid about his life and activities and friends and listen attentively when the only question I really have is "when are you leaving?" As dtzyblnd very astutely points out, our role is not a natural one...but what is natural is your feelings, so don't beat yourself up for them.

the Kid here looks just like bm. it's gross.

th Mister of course thinks he looks like him. purposeful blindness I think...some kind of natural instinct thing that keeps em from strangling the little monsters.

I am SO grateful that I stumbled across this site! I am smiling, not because I'm glad other people are having problems, but because I can see that I'm not the only one with the feelings and problems that I am having.
I'm almost 35, divorced with no kids of my own. My hubby has a D (7) from a previous relationship that was unplanned by him not by the BM who is significantly older. BM is vile and I'm far from the only one with that opinion though my H rarely says a negative work about her (which bothers the hell out of me). I'm embarrassed if I have to be in public with her for school events, etc. I often think 'what on earth sort of brain fart must you have had to be in a relationship with that woman'! When SD entered my life, I was over-joyed. I loved her immensely. I worried for her. I felt a bit down when she'd have to go back to BM. That was 3 years ago. Sometimes I'm happy to have her around and enjoy doing things with her, but most of the time I can't stand her. I can't stand having her in my house. I can't stand all of her stuff being around reminding me of her. I can't stand knowing that there is a connection there that I can't be a part of and will never go away. I hate to admit it, but I don't love her anymore. I wish she didn't exist. I wish she'd just go away. I don't want to feel this way and I don't want to be selfish or in any way hurt my H who is my whole world, but it's true. I try to focus on the positives, but finding them keeps getting harder. SD is stubborn, demanding, VERY over-privileged, spoiled, does what she wants how and when she wants 99% of the time, and is a professional manipulator. And SO many people absolutely dote on her because she says 'thank you' and 'excuse me'. H doesn't see most of her faults, though he knows she is spoiled. He doesn't discipline her hardly at all and let's her, after much debate, almost always get her way. He wants to be 'fun dad'. He also still talks to her like she's 4, which is annoying. I'm always nice to her and try to do fun things with her and we have a few of our own things that we do together from time-to-time. I'm trying. Really hard. BM has 2 other kids from a previous marriage, so H knows what it can be like and says how fantastic I am dealing with it...until of course I say something he doesn't like or get upset with him when he does or doesn't ask my opinion on something regarding contact or something similar. He'll immediately get defensive and a bit angry, so I'll get upset and angry and feel unheard. Or he'll say 'that's how kids are' dismissing what I say because I don't have any even though he knows 1) I helped raise one of my nieces, 2) I've taken numerous psych courses, 3) I've studied child development, and 4) I took part in running a day care years ago. Doesn't matter. SD looks almost exactly like him, but he's very white and I have olivey skin. She has olivey skin and gets mistaken for my child. When we're out and she does something horribly rude or throws a fit because she didn't get enough toys from the shop I want to scream at the top of my lungs that she's not my child. And she loves me to bits, which makes me feel worse and uncomfortable about how I feel. Ugh. I knew what I was getting into when I married H and I'm over the moon about starting to plan to have a baby with him (btw I understand people's posts abotu worried in that respect - I have them too), but I know that it would all just be so much easier if she just wasn't there.

Sorry for the tremendously long post. Just very happy to be able to rant to people who will actually understand what I'm going through. So thank you.