your feeling are NOT petty. they are yours and you are ENTITLED to them. your youngest ss will soon be 18. gather up all your courage (and your money!) and tell dh that his kids are now young adults and things are going to change. his usage of you and your money is over. it sounds like he's been the one calling the shots until now. refuse to go unheard from this point forward. you are not fu-ked unless you allow yourself to be! you've given enough. and, honey you DO have power. it's now time to make your life all about you and your dd (and your dh IF you can get him on board). you don't want to be divorced, I get it. but divorce is much better than continuing a life that you see as death being your only relief. what in the world would your dd do without you? don't allow this man determine how the rest of your life is going to play out. stop making requests and start making statements. I hope you get the help you desperately need.

This is how I feel constantly. Drained, annoyed, guilty..etc. At least yours are almost old enough to be out of the house.

I can definitely relate. DH and I get along great in our marriage, and he's fantastic with my kids, and his kids have figured out to tolerate me when they realized I'm not Cinderella's step-mom reincarnated, the way BM would love for me to be....but the only thing that infuriates me is how he lets them get away with whatever. When they're doing okay, it's fine, but if one of them gets out of hand, it's like he does nothing to compensate. So frustrating. I'm obviously amidst a low point right now, and having a bridge baby seems ridiculous...but I still keep staying on the fence about it. So confusing.

There are no rules, and no directions, just doing what we can to make it the best life we can, and do it with as little damage to our kids as we can...well, as long as we're not assholes that's what it is

You need to think positive. Only look on the bright side and completely ignore the hurtful and petty feelings. Become more aware of your thoughts and as soon as your thoughts went towards stepkids, you immediately change it. Don't completely let them do whatever they do. Do deal with them, but makes sure you don't carry any kind of feelings about them around with you. Just value your life, smile, find happiness in little things, love your husband and your daughter and yourself not in a materialistic way, but in a more spiritual and deeper level. Be grateful and always remind yourself of all the things you are grateful for. Don't compare yourself to people better than yourself. Envision a better a life for yourself, but don't compare. Don't get very caught up in these matters. Think you are better than that and have something going for yourself to feel that way such as get involved in your hobby, your job or just being a great wife to your husband and a mother to your daughter, or take up some humanity cause I mean whatever to give yourself a sense of deeper meaning than just a SM.

Hope you don't mind what I have written, just a friendly advice. I think a lot of us SM need it.