Hi. This is my first time posting here and I am glad that I found this forum. I need help... support... to know that I am not the only one out here that is dealing with this madness. I'm so sorry if this ends up really long, but I don't really have a great support system and no one to talk to about this.

I am divorced after being with my ex husband for almost 10 years. We didn't have any kids by choice and were very respectful when the divorce was filed for as it was mutual. We still talk and respect each other to this day.

After being single for a while, I started dating my current BF that has 2 kids that are age 7 and 4. We have been together for 3 years.

Back story. They were together since high school. In college she left him to chase another guy but he ended up not interested in her, so for one reason or another BF took her back. After college they got married, bought a house, and had a son. She wasn't interested in working a regular job but as new home owners he needed her to work, so he bought her a daycare to run since she said she would like to do that. Problem was, from day 1, she rarely went to work and without the desire to actually run the place, it has never done well. She complains about running the place so much now that she bragged that her new fiance told her to just sell the place and stay home.

Shortly after Kid 1 turned 3, BF found out she was having an affair with a man almost twice her age. When confronted she cried and did the usual, it wasn't my fault... let's have another baby because that will fix it... with the stipulation that if they have another baby, she required a tummy tuck right then so that she would feel better about herself. He said yes to it all hoping that it would make her happy and would actually fix everything.

Somewhere around 6 months after Kid 2 was born he found out she was having another affair. In all honesty, BF questioned whether Kid 2 is his or not... but he has accepted that and she is his no matter what. The one she was having the second affair with is the guy she is engaged to right now. He was okay knowing that he was sleeping with a married woman in the house that my BF was paying for and with the kids there... how am I supposed to respect these two???

There have been plenty of other examples of them not making good decision regarding the kids... Kid 1 is good at soccer and the ex wanted to put him in a very expensive soccer program, that he is really too young for. The program was 800 dollars for 3 months. We said no. We felt he should have the opportunity at his age to try out other sports and that the money could be spent that way. She screamed. She hollered. She stamped and told us we were jerks. We told her point blank the only reason she cared so much was so that she could brag... and she came back with a retort that if it was the money she would take the money out of her savings to pay for it. Fast forward 2 weeks. We bought snow pants and winter jackets for the kids and asked her to take care of the boots... she came back and told us that her fiance wouldn't be paid until the next week and that it would have to wait. What?! A day before Thanksgiving when it would be switch time, we again asked her for boots since it was snowing and she blew up. Came back and told us that she made her fiance go out to the store in a snowstorm to get the boots... how dare we, because we are so selfish, ask about the boots during a snowstorm and MAKE him go out.

Meanwhile, this same woman has to get ready for work so she makes her fiance drop the kids off at school and daycare. And after work, she needs time for herself and to go for a run, so the fiance picks them up as well. During the weeks that they don't have the kids, he works 4 days straight with no sleep, between 2 hospitals, in order to support them. He took her on 4 vacations last year and she bragged that they were all on credit cards.

Kid 1 has stolen money twice. Both times at their house and the second time it happened she told us that she got so mad she grabbed his face and shoved him in his room. Kid 1 had a potty accident and she got so mad she told us she grabbed her by the arm and put her in her room and told her she was going to bed early and to not come out.

I have more and more and more... it is so tiring. By all means. We are NOT perfect, but I was adopted and my mother was a foster parent so I was used to having kids around my entire life. I had 3 brothers that were biological to my parents but I was the only girl... so when it came to helping out with the foster kids, it was me that they expected to help. I have been helping kids learn morals, ethics, right from wrong, the ability to make choices and live with the consequences for as long as I remember. So when she says to me..."I am their mother, bottomline", it makes me laugh. I have seen more kids than I care to have lived with that had mothers... didn't do them any good. Just because you gave birth to a child does not automatically give you the ability to make choices for another human being.

My BF used to have a big temper when I first met him and I kept asking what good it did... did it help him get his way, etc. He has realized that he had the temper because it was a defensive reaction to his ex and the way she treated him. I told him... I'm not her don't ever show me that temper again, don't ever treat me like her, and don't ever expect me to be like her. The ex is always asking us to take the kids for extra time because they have things they want to do and we always take them, but if we ask her for 1 little thing, she explodes and says we are taking advantage of her... I can't imagine why he would have a temper after living with someone like that, lol...

I find myself asking over and over... is this really worth it?

The latest incident happened just after Christmas, and this is really why I am writing. The Saturday after Christmas we were all in the living room relaxing and we have a 2 1/2 year old Great Dane. We have told the kids from day 1 that the dog needs respect as well and that when he is sleeping we have to give him his space. Kid 1 was sitting on the couch and the dog curled up on the other end. We let it go since they were so far apart. We didn't notice but Kid 1 had moved closer and when he went to get up pushed on the dogs butt to get up. The dog yelped in pain and at the same was swing in his head around to see what was happening to him. Great Danes have big mouths. If he had bitten, Kid 2 would still be in the hospital. If the dog had attacked, Kid 2 would be dead. It was an accident and a normal reaction for an animal that is startled out of sleep with pain.

Kid 2 went for stitches and the ex was too busy to go so the fiance met them there. After they got home, BF got a text telling him that she wanted to talk. They met the next day and she said she wanted to know what the plan was and he asked her for respect and for a little time while we decide whether to rehome, train... get him evaluated in order to make a decision. Keep in mind this is now New Years week. She never asked for them back or demanded that she take them because she feared for their safety... but then again, it was also the start of their school vacation week. We had them for the vacation week and everything went great. The dog was given more space when sleeping and they all played like normal when he was awake.

The day that they went back to school she called him and demanded another meeting. At this one her fiance stepped up and stated that he has lived "most of his adult life" on a farm and then when a dog bites, no matter what, whey take it out back and shoot it and that he expects us to do the same in order to keep the kids safe. I was raisedan on a farm and was taught compassion for animale that can't speak for themselves and that if we were bitten, it was because of something we did. Don't get me wrong... if a dog actually attacks, it's different, but if you are snapped at it is because you made the dog nervous by not respecting them and their space.

She went so far as to say that she now does not respect his decision making or his ability to care for his children and that she will not give him his children until the dog is gone. We have not been sitting around for the last week doing nothing. We placed calls, emailed, and talked to so many rescues and trainers during that time, all during a holiday week, that our heads were spinning when she hit us with this doozy. Of course, it was the beginning of the school week and her week with the kids as well as the week my BF would be traveling so he hasn't even been here to deal with this. We are meeting with another trainer and behaviorist tomorrow to get an opinion to make sure that they feel he is safe for rehoming and then have been talking to a rescue that has a foster open so that he will not be euthanized.

She has accused us of putting the dog first, but this is just at the end of 2 weeks since this has happened. 1st week was vacation and now this week that is just ending. We are trying to teach the kids that pets are a responsibility and that they can't just be disposed of or dropped off on someone's doorstep without taking the proper steps to ensure that everyone is safe. We feel that the kids were safe the week of vacation and will be safe at our house until all the steps have been taken to ensure that we have fulfilled our responsibility of being a pet owner... and of course when she moved out she left her cat because she didn't want it anymore.. which is NOT what I want her children to see as okay.

This woman is boundless in her disrespect and the fact that she allows her fiance to make her decisions for her is sad. He literally said he has shot dogs and she stood behind him just as proud as she could be. I feel that she has overstepped the line and the fact that she would say that my BF is irresponsible and can't make good decisions is testing the very last of my patience.

Is this seriously what I am going to have to deal with for the rest of my life? Does it get better or easier? The BF was trying so hard to be amicable and went so far as to swallow his pride and coach with the fiance, but they continue to show that they are selfish, self absorbed, and even when they say they are putting the kids first it is usually very transparent and it is to please their parents or to impress the other parents. I don't know if I can handle this much longer knowing that it is going to be just like this forever.... please tell me it gets better!