I fear DH is Going down a dark path with SD..Honest opinions needed
I believe there were something similar posted on here a while ago but I am unable to find it so here goes...
DH Share joint legal custody of SD13 with BM. DH and BM Totally hate each other and cannot agree on anything regarding SD13. They have been in and out of family court Multiple times over the years. One of the Biggest things that they fight over is SD’s medicine her Psychiatrist prescribes. Now DH HATES medication and likes taking the Natural way with everything. BM is the Opposite. BM is one who thinks medicine is the cure all and Refuses to investigate other options with SD. SD takes Medicine for ADHD and mood Disorders. DH goes to every Psychiatrist appointment with SD and BM and has Tried to get the doctor to just decrease the medication to see how SD But the doctor refuses. Unfortunately BM is a better Communicator or I should say manipulator than DH so she has a way of getting the drs to do what she wants. BM has Complained in Family Court multiple times DH is trying to bully the DR into doing what he wants. This is Highly exaggerated on BM’s part BUT the court Believed her enough and reprimanded DH to a point he had to cool it with the DR.
Anyways since DH has been Unsuccessful in getting any place with the doctor he has taken things into his own hands and here lies the problem. SD knows DH hates Medicine and does not want her to take it. That being said DH started saying to SD I have to give you your medicine the court told me so BUT I don’t have to watch you take it. Meaning he’s implying to her he’s going to hand it to her and then turn his back and she can flush it down the toilet or throw it away when he’s not looking. This is Exactly what SD does. This has been going on for about 8 months. I have NOT seen any negitive change in SD but she’s only over on the weekends then back to BM’s so maybe she would need longer without meds to see a change. Quite honestly I think SD is over drugged up to and just needs parents that will Discipline her rather than treat her like a 5 year old. BOTH parents are guilty of that.
Anyways right or wrong that The psychiatrist won’t listen to DH I feel DH taking maters into his own hands could get him into a whole lot of trouble in family court if BM ever finds out. Thoughts? Am I making a bigger deal out of this than it is or could DH be looking at “Supervise visitation” if the court finds out
Probably not supervised
Probably not supervised visitation (unless these meds are prescribed in order to prevent suicidal thinking, in which case CPS could get involved), but he sure is screwing up his kid by putting her in this position. Sounds like BM and DH are very much alike, both need to be right all the time. And both want SD on their side. I hope neither of them are surprised when SD wants nothing to do when them once she's an adult. No wonder she's having mental health issues.
There are no "natural" medications proven to help with what she's diagnosed with. And some of the meds she's likely on can cause withdrawal symptoms in only a couple of missed days.
Your husband is an idiot,
Your husband is an idiot, teaching his daughter awful life lessons.
I had a similar situation where my sd was taking some medication that my husband and I thought was unnecessary (she never had any symptoms around us). So we talked to her doctor and agreed a plan to reduce her dosage over time. We cut her down to a quarter of what she was taking. But then she moved back to live with her BM, so it was out of our hands.
I take adhd meds. The effect of mine can be subtle. If she is not dealing with school and homework then I could see that it might not be noticeable to an observer on the weekends. That doesn’t mean she should stop taking them without consultation with a doctor. Adhd medication is effective for around 80% of people with adhd, so I find it unlikely that your sd would be someone who doesn’t need it if she is correctly diagnosed.
I have no idea what a court would do in this situation but I know what I would do. I would be very clear to my husband that his actions are wrong on so, so many levels that go beyond even sd’s health issues and I would tell him how disgusted I am that he would do that and put her in that position. I may consider informing BM or the psychiatrist myself if it continues.
Your DH is threatening his daughter's mental health
Your DH is threatening his daughter's mental health with his actions. Psychiatric drugs need to be taken on a regular basis - especially those that are meant to stabilize mood. They have different "half lives" - so you may not notice a difference in her mood in the two days she doesn't take the meds, the difference may show up on the third or fourth day. Your DH is teaching his daughter to lie to her Mother and her doctors. That is not good parenting.
Your DH is creating a dynamic where the drugs may not be working properly because they are not being taken regularly, so the doctor will increase the meds - which is the opposite of what your DH really wants to happen. It seems he is more interested in "winning" the battle with BM than in the mental health of his daughter. He is doing his daughter a grave disservice on many fronts.
It's a shame your DH hates
It's a shame your DH hates his Ex more then he loves his daughter.
He needs to put his daughter wellbeing both physically and mentally at the forefront to help her grow into a well balanced adult.
meds
Hmmmm, I'm thinking that this teen may be having mental health issues because her parents are using her like a ping pong ball. Maybe your dh needs his own pschiatrist to sort out his own problems. It is a dangerous choice to alter the medications of sd while she is at your home.
Reread notsurehowtodeal!!!!
I’d call BM and a doctor
I’d call BM and a doctor myself and informed them of what’s happening. And I’d not be married to an idiot like your DH. Messing with child’s psych meds to stick it to his ex. That’s all time low.
ps of course you don’t see the difference, she is only there for the weekend. It’s not for you to decide if she needs meds.
How incredibly irresponsible and harmful
Aside from his own PERSONAL (and scientifically unfounded, might I add) feelings-- he should not impose those on his daughter who is mentally ill and needing medication. As others have stated, withdrawal symptoms are real with medicines in that category, as are some of the side effects such as suicidal ideation if not taken properly and monitored with regular therapy. I would be livid with my husband if he went behind the doctors back, and If the roles were reversed and a BM was doing this-- all hell would be breaking loose. He is an idiot, if he is THAT concerned, he can push for a second opinion... but it sounds like he wants essential oils to be a "cure all" when there's actual medication that can give her a better quality of life.
Agree and willing to bet a lot of
SD’s Mental illness is from the Hostile ongoing post divorce. Now DH is not doing this just to go against BM or the Medicine but he really feels it’s not Completely necessary and would like to try different options. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that thought BUT that’s where I stop supporting DH on this. He should not be Encouraging SD to lie and go against what her Psychiatrist wants. He should not be Encouraging SD to lie to BM as BM will ask if DH gave SD her meds and SD will lie and say yes. Encouraging I mean by SD knows DH knows all of this, does not tell her it’s wrong or to stop and SD knows it makes DH happy.
If your DH doesn't think the
If your DH doesn't think the medicine is completely necessary and wants to try different options, then he should pursue that. Does he go to appointments with SD? Has he spoken to her psychiatrist and/or therapist about the necessity for the medication? Does he have joint legal so that he has a say in her medical treatment? Not giving her the medicine and encouraging her to lie to her BM about it is very, very wrong and could be quite harmful to his daughter. If he has concerns, he needs to address them in a different way. I feel sorry for his daughter; she's obviously in a very difficult situation.
While I do not agree with DH
While I do not agree with DH manipulating the treatment that the Doc Rx's, he does have plausable deniability if it comes to a court hearing.
"I give her the meds as prescribed."
Lather, rinse, repeat.