I don't want my Step-son near my son anymore
I feel awful saying it but at the same time i also feel like i have gotten to the point where i don't know what to do anymore.
My partner has his son who is 4 years old every weekend and i have my son who is 7 years old always as his father passed away. We got together a year n a half ago.
At first when we integrated our families together it was great! We knew it would be easier for us as our children already knew each other and we already has some kind of relationship with each others child before we became a couple.
I realized very quickly that me and my partner had very different types of parenting, he gave his son what he wanted when he wanted, where as i was more structured with rules and boundaries. I understood why my partner was so lenient, as his weekends with his son was all he had to look forward to but i also knew it would bite him in the bum one day too.
My Partner's son behavior has been a issue since we got together but being so young i took it for what it was, his age! but i also noticed other things, he wasn't taught any manners which i soon changed, he wasn't use to sharing anything and wanted EVERYTHING his way, he was rude and disrespectful but not because he meant to be but because he wasn't taught anything different.
I spoke to my partner about this behavior and where it would lead to, he felt the same and he told me what my step-sons mother is like, a Lazy, rude, selfish excuse of mother who will take no responsibility for her sons behavior and will teach him nothing and will dump him off to whoever she can, at first i thought he was over exaggerating until i saw this behavior for myself, but i also told him he was to blame also.
This was a challenge that i was more that willing to help with until my sons father passed away last year, since then things have been getting worse and worse for me and my son.
We can't spend any time together on the weekend unless we leave the house, my son has to put up with my partners son screaming and whining over silly little things like, my son touched his bed, it's gotten worse lately, my partners son has started making up lies about my son, saying he's hurt him, misbehaved when he hasn't and whenever my step-son has said these things I've always questioned my son firmly as i know my son's dislike for him and the fact that my son is NO angel! i'm hurt and upset when i find out the truth that my son hasn't done anything, i feel it's going to get to the point where my son is angry at me and doesn't trust me because of it. Our weekends have become unbearable, i never look forward to them and neither does my son no matter how positive i try to be.
Some of my step-sons behavior has rubbed off onto my son which i am furious about and now with starting up lies i feel i cant trust him around my son and i'm scared in case the lies get more serious and social services are brought to my door or something, its trouble me and my son don't want nor need.
My partners ex has already has social services due to inappropriate things my step-son did and said, the blame was put on my step-sons friend but now i'm worrying in case this little boy who got the blame actually did anything at all?
I dont know what to do anymore, i've been awake since 2am worrying about it. I love my partner so much but i dont know how much more of this i can take? Every weekend is the same and me and my son cant even have 1 weekend a month where there is no step-son.
i know i sound like an awful person.
You don't sound like an awful
You don't sound like an awful person. I think you should seriously consider separating your households. You jumped in early to living together, presumably feeling that you already knew each other, but as you discovered it can be hard to get a handle on someone else's parenting till you live with it. Think of this as an experiment that went wrong, you love your bf, you want him in your life but cohabiting isn't working for you or your son, or in fact for SS and his Dad. If you live apart you can limit your contact with SS and focus more on your relationship with bf.
BF's excuses for SSs behaviour are a cop out to a large degree, he's taking no responsibility for counteracting her parenting and effectively mimicking the slack parenting that he criticises her for. It's not fair to expect you and your son to live with that so if he makes that choice he's effectively choosing to live alone.
Thanks guys. Me and my
Thanks guys. Me and my partner have known each other for 7 years and we took our time with the moving situation as for the first 3/4 months my partner came round when my son was in bed, when he brought his son round it was only for a day over the weekend like a visit, i thought we had done it right but i agree that maybe we still rushed things.
This is a conversation I've had with my bf many of times about his lack of parenting and the laziness of ignoring his son's BM's parenting and he has tried to change his parenting for quite some time but it's always 1 step forward by Sunday then come Friday 2 steps back, it's got to the point where he's in tears over the weekend because he doesn't know what to do anymore, this is very upsetting to see but at the same time my sympathy is disappearing and being replaced by anger towards my bf and his son, as i'm still doing important but EASY parenting towards my SS like manners, respect, good behavior, teaching his the difference between truth and lies, i should not be doing all of this, i am not his parent, he has a mum and dad already that should be doing/done all of this!
What makes me even angrier is my own son had some behavioral difficulties when he was younger and to a small degree still does, had major behavioral difficulties when me and his father split up and when my sons father died but not once did i make excuses or slack on my parenting, i sympathized greatly but still let him know naughty behavior was not except-able, me and especially my son have worked so hard and gone through many tears to get to where he is now and i'm scared in case my son reverts back because of my bf's sons behavior, i don't see things getting better and I've said to him that he may have to go else where on the weekends from now on, i'm willing to do it but it shouldn't be this way
I wonder if your son ends up
I wonder if your son ends up being sent away every weekend if that will cause hurt and resentment on his part, and be damaging to your relationship with him, particularly as he lost his father recently. Once children are at school there can be all too little time with them during the week and the weekend is so important for spending time together. And how would you feel sat at home with a badly behaved 4 year old, missing your son, and watching BF continuing to make the same mistakes? It sounds like you and your son would be making all the sacrifices in order to enable SO and SS to continue as they are. If you really don't want to consider getting your own place again perhaps you could parent separately at weekends and do day trips, outings, activities and weekends away with your son instead? So that you are still with your son but away from the problems at home.
If you have had many conversations with SO about his parenting, and he is still struggling and not getting it would he consider parenting classes? It could give him some positive reinforcement and support, because ultimately it's not your job to teach your partner how to parent and it will end up causing more friction and resentment between the two of you.
That's the problem i'm
That's the problem i'm having, i want to spend quality time with my son on the weekend but can't as my bf and his son are always there and my SS just won't leave us alone when we try.
I've tried explaining to my bf that i am my son's only parent and my relationship with my son is more important because of it, i know how my son is feeling as my dad died when i was 9 years old so keeping that close relationship and spending time together is so important to me.
My son talks to me a lot about my SS behavior and how its making him feel and i understand why he doesnt want to be around him because to be honest, if my SS was just another child i wouldnt let my son near him! But i also try to encourage my son to try and ignore my SS behavior and be a good role model and try to help show SS positive behavior but its got to the point where i dont blame my son for feeling and acting the way he is.
I've spoken to my bf so many times about parenting, consequences of certain parenting, that i do feel like a teacher to him and his son and i've gotten so angry about it because its not my job.
I dont know what to do anymore, i just want things to be the way they should be, i dont to grow to hate my SS because i dont think i could forgive myself if i ever did.
And the property that i'm in right now is my house, my partner moved in with me, i wont leave mine and my sons home, if anyone is leaving it him!
"I've said to him that he may
"I've said to him that he may have to go else where on the weekends from now on, i'm willing to do it but it shouldn't be this way Sad"
By the comment above i ment my bf and his son, not my son
i'd never send my son away on the weekends, thats my time with him 
I completely agree with
I completely agree with everything you have said!
i think my bf is possibly a little out of touch with being a parent but i also put it down to laziness, many parents do it, "its easier to give your child what they want when they want it instead of dealing the behavior and teaching them differently."
My SS BM also undo's everything we do, hence why its 1 steps forward 2 steps back, she ignore the behavior, doesn't care what he's done, so my SS has 2 lazy parents and me and my son are suffering because of it