I know when I got pregnant with BF's child, the Mother of the other two kids told BF that she would gladly give us a break when our baby was born so we could go out on dates etc. - Yeah! AS IF!! That would ever happen. She also bought our baby a lot of gifts when he was born, actually her daughter, our babies 1/2 sister age 10 insisted on getting something so she purchased the clothes etc.

I think you are right not to want your baby at her house unless she is equally your friend as she is your BF's in that case it might just be like friends helping one another out so the siblings could be closer. That's how I feel. But if she did not invite you over for X-mas too, and only invited your BF and baby then I would have a major problem with it.

Hope my advise helps

Julie (31)
Bio-Children - Son under 1 with BF, Son age 11 from previous relationship.

BF - Son under 1 our's together, Daughter age 20 from prior marriage, son age 14 & daughter age 10 from previous relationship.

I understand where you are coming from. My parteners X use to invite my BioS over to her house, when she had my SS's. At first I said no way, but then BF pointed out that it wasn't really BM who wanted him over, but my oldest SS who is the same exact age as my BioS amd truly enjoys being around his "new Brother." So I said yes finally, but then one time BM took all three boys to the show and later SS came home saying to BioS "My mom said you can never come over again because you were too hyper."

Okay so this ovbiously shouldn't have been directed to the kids. If she had a problem with my BioS she should have told me or my partener. Not Ten year old SS. BioS got very hurt, was fighting off tears over what was said about him. At that point I told BF- No more. BM doesn't care for me, has never been nice to me, why would she be nice to a child that came from my body? So they know not to ask anymore. So things can go wrong with this kind of situation. In this situation I can say that my BioS is very active. He's not literally Hyper, but he is athletic and likes to stay busy. Boredom is an enemy of his and you let him get too bored and he'll bounce around just to have something to do. My SS's however don't do much but play video games at BM's and watch CAble TV, so I imagine part of the problem was she expected my son to be like hers. WE'll he is who he is and he is and he is wonderful.

However in your case, because it seems that you, hubby and BM get along rather well, it doesn't seem so much that she is trying to be close to your son together-to me it sounds like she is just trying not to leave him out. It seems like she realizes and excepts that you and her X have a life and family now, but wants to include your son probably only because I can imagine your two SD's adore him.

However It also would seem that if that is the case she would have invited you along too, or simply done as you suggested and sent the gift to your home with the girls. I would say that you are right it is not a nessesity that she be close to your child and if you are not comfortable with it then the answer should be no. I'll be the first to say listen to your heart and follow your insticts. Mine rarely let me down.

Hope that helped.
Alisha

then your children and husband shouldn't be over there at all...if she wants to see her ex, then she get's his whole package..i.e. his wife and his children too, not just who she chooses. Life doesn't work that way;)