i cant stand my step kids actions
I feel horrible about this but I cannot stand the way my 3 step kids act! I know it doesn't completely come from them but it has been almost 4 years and I am just to the point where I can't stand them being around! They live far away so they are only in a few times a year but I dread when they are coming and I am counting the days til they leave. It kills me cause I have always have loved kids since I was one. I know a lot of the things they say comes from their crazy mother who is another story but I just feel like I am at a breaking point. They are so disrespectful to their father as well as me. I have to hid my 2 kids good toys and things so they do not get broke, I have been hit by two of the 3 children, and the oldest who is only nine constantly gets into my face. Nothing I ever do is good enough 4 his children no matter how hard I try. I know they are just kids and it makes me feel like crap that I feel this way but I cannot take anymore. One day my husband was talking to the oldest and asked her what she was doing her reply was that she was drinking and smoking pot I mean my kids ( my oldest being the same age) do not even know what that is!! It has gotten to the point where I can't stand not only the way they act but them their selves I cannt stand! The oldest gives me dirty looks and the youngest who is almost 6 tries to steal my wedding rings to give to her mom cause her daddy needs to go back to her. They are mean to my children and I have had enough! What do I need to do? They fuss about child support not being enough and other adult things they should not even know about! I am at such a lose with this any suggestions would be helpful and m hubby sees all of this too and with all the drama the kids go through when they leave he has actually spoken to me about giving up his rights a few times but he loves his children and really does not want to do this. But it aggravates him that my kids show him more respect than his own do! Please help
This is a really hard place
This is a really hard place to be in.
You have to think about your sanity and the health of your marriage.
If they are too much for you can they stay at a hotel or could you take you and the other kids for a few days to your parents place?
There are also fairly effective strategies, if your husband will get on board, to disciplining them. If they are with you for more than 2 weeks it might be helpful at least.
There is a book that's pretty respected if you and your husband are willing to try something more demanding to gain control. "Have a New Kid by Friday" by Kevin Leman
http://www.amazon.com/Have-New-Kid-Friday-Character/dp/0800719026
hope this helps.
Thank u! We are willing to
Thank u! We are willing to try anything at this time. It is really hard we get them to were they are starting to improve then they leave and we have to do it all over again next time. I try to go to my parents every chance I get honestly. I let my 2 stay there or with their dad as much as possible so that they don't have to deal with the drama that comes from their mother when they are here or the drama that comes from the kids alone. The only problem is that he still has to work and I am the one who takes care of all the kids it has honestly gotten so bad that he now let's his parents (who live in another state) take them for 2 of his 4 weeks he has them in the summer cause we just can't handle them. He is a great father don't get me wrong my kids adore him but his are just horrible to him and I hate seeing him upset! I know there is no easy button to this situation I just hate feeling like a bad person cause I feel this way towards them!
I would also recommend
I would also recommend reading the "Smart Step-family" by Ron Deal. It comes from a Christian perspective but if that won't offend you I'd really recommend you and your husband read it. My being a child of divorce and also now married to a man with kids, I'll say it's a GREAT resource. It gives a practical look at step-family life and the struggles that go along with it.
It gives you permission to lower your expectations of yourself, your husband and the skids.
It's hard not to feel bad about how you feel sometimes, but try not to be too hard on yourself or them, you are all human and all getting to know one another.
I wish you the best!