Explain that your choices in life do not revolve around his past. Name your baby whatever name you like.
When SD has a baby she can name it what she chooses. You have the same right.

WHAT?? You name your child whatever you want and don't worry about this!!! You're right - do not pacify her or anyone, especially regarding this.

We were going to use a name for our child that is a peaceful name with somewhat of a religious context - similar to 'Hope' but not the same name. BM found out about our choice of name and stated that she was going to name SD that and that particular name was her original name and then changed it. BULLSH*T!!! BM is a self-professed atheist, very open about insulting God or anything religious at all - meaning any religion. I was floored that she would even say that OR convince SD that she had a previous name. DH had to clear it up with SD because she was upset because she thought she had another name (again, another example of BM's stupidity) - there was never another name, it was always the name she has had.

I think BM's, DH's, SD's, SS's stepgrandparents, step-grocers, step-mailmen and step-f*ckoffs....just like to mess with names. NEVERMIND the total strangers that have an 'opinion' about your choice of name.

I say F-off to them and everyone else. You keep your name secret. You name your child whatever you damn want.

*topic that really pi$$es me off! As you can see.

Tell SD she can have a "ch" nick name so she won't feel left out- "Chit"! lol

Pronounced with a low C of course- like "shit" }:)

Hahahaha ctnmom. It's very wrong of DH to even mention that to you! Screw the brat that hurts kids for no good reason...SKid needs help!
If offending someone about naming kids was high on my priority list then I would not have named my daughter as I did...a name my mom did not like. It's the child behind the name really, my mom loves my daughter dearly.

OMG how stupid! forget them, tell DH to shut the hell up coz she isn't yours and therefor not your problem

''Tell SD she can have a "ch" nick name so she won't feel left out- "Chit"! lol '' EXACTLY this!! LMAO

MY exbf and I were talking about "what if" we had a baby (God forbid!) and all 3 of this kids' names start with the same letter. So he mentioned picking out a name that started with it. I looked at him like he was insane. Yeah...I'm gonna perpetuate the stupidity you and YOUR exw started...when the kid would be living with ME and MY KIDS. NO. As if they aren't "still married" anyway...you know how that goes...

I guess we lucked out on the names. All four of my parent's grandchildren have names that start with C (Hard K sound) including my SS who is my parents oldest grandchild.

I agree that you chould not temper your desires for your own children due ot a toxic prior spawn by your DH. Not your problem, not his problem, not your chilren's problem and you should not cater to to your toxic stepspawn's issues. I am not sure about sending your Skid to your IL's. I would tend to attack that problem head on and face to face in my own home. Rules, accountability and discipline is how I would deal with it.

Good luck.

You have the right to pick whatever name you and your husband like. However, let me touch on the SD thing... I don't know this child, or what she's like, but take into account that this little girl is not "the past". She is as much her dad's child as your children and the fact that you refer to her in a way that almost makes it sound like you openly count her as a mistake is probably more apparent to her than you know, and when kids are hurt, they can get nasty. Is it possible that she's coped an attitude since noticing her status as a past mistake her dad made? Is she a teenager? Name your kids what you want, but try to figure out a way to talk to this child and let her know she's an equal part of the family. I have a step daughter who was literally conceived by mistake- basically a one night stand. Her parents not only were never together, they barely knew each other. My husband and I had quite a history by the time we got together which was, unfortunately, just a month after this woman turned up carrying his baby. Turns out, the mother of my step daughter is the most disgusting, nasty human being you could imagine. My husband can't even talk to her without her becoming physically violent and shrieking at the top of her lungs. BM's own mother has broke into tears talking with us about what a nightmare her daughter is and BM's step father washed his hands of her when she was a teen. Despite this horrible bitch we have to deal with thanks to a very stupid move that one night so many years ago, I give it my all to let SD know what a blessing she has been... and she needs that. SD doesn't know the difference between her 2 bio parents and myself and her step dad (mom's boyfriend). She's 8 years old and all she knows is she loves all of us and needs to hear that we all love her. She's started to understand that her parents were never a couple and therefore didn't plan her. She's also come to understand that her father and I were together while her mom was pregnant with her. It's plain and obvious that her mom HATES her dad (for not being with her) and by extension HATES me, and her dad and I can't stand her mom... since her mom flies into a rage right in front of SD, she's seen clearly that we hate her and she hates us. She briefly hesitated and then asked me recently if I had wanted to be her step mom and if I knew she was coming and wanted her- she got a deeply relieved look in her eyes when I told her she was nothing but a gift and I was very pleased to know she was coming. I bet you these kids who are introduced to you as strangers are secretly hoping that you'll love them anyway, and likely test you in different ways to see if you really do care for them. If this child is getting out of control with a negative attitude, don't count her out yet, try some different approaches. Maybe you and she could spend some time alone together doing something special. Consider that if your biological child went through a rotten stage, you would still love them unconditionally. Step kids need that too and they'll test you more heavily than a biological child who's more secure in thinking you care for them.

OMG OP, your SD sounds like PURE EVIL!! I hope shes never around your kids, just because a kid is a step kid doesn't mean that we as SM's have to bend over for for them. We are not their parents and like OP has said alot of issues are caused before we even met DH.

Optimistic, you don't have to defend yourself to any of us on here. We know the pure hell you've been through. As you know I'm in a nuclear family (SS is my nephew) and I would actually have an issue with you keeping SD around your kids. Heck, I think everyone would agree- even if it was one of our BIOS acting like SD, they would have to be removed from the other kids, for thier safety! I had to kick SS out at age 20 because I caught him selling drugs. He was a full member of my family, (still is), but I couldn't have that around the other kids. God bless girl.

It is none of the BM business, tell your husband to step up and tell her to keep her nose out. If your husband takes her side rip him a new one.

agree, he's being a moron. fdh and i gave bs4 fdh's late brother's name as a middle name. i have a cousin who was murdered 17 years ago, and i always planned to give his name as a middle name to my son if i ever had one. i gave that up because i figured since it was fdh's brother, he had more of a right. i did tell him if we ever have another son, my cousin's name will be the middle name. he says "well i'd like to name a son after my dad". i about lost it. fucking selfish asshole. he already got to name our son after his brother who died. but i can't name a son after my cousin who was murdered? i don't f'g think so. i told him that is selfish and i have planned this for years. he got his turn, if there is ever another turn to be had, it is MINE.

as for sd feeling left out, when i told fdh i wanted another baby (before bs was born), he told me he didn't want to do that because then "sd would feel more left out than she already does". i did lose my shit that time. i told him i was not having a 14 year old kid making the decision as to whether or not *I* could have another baby! i told him it's not my fault that he and bm aren't together. i will not allow his mistakes to decide my future. obviously i won!

Name your baby what you want. I agree with you about your life not revolving around his past! That's total B.S.! My DH tried pulling this shit with me about the J names. I told him that my kids will in no way have names even remotely similar to the ex wife's kids names. None of my kids have a name that starts with a J. And my kids are better looking, IMO.

Bee......I swear to God, you are a saint. I think it takes a very special woman indeed to not feel at least a little bit resentful towards skids. I don't hate my DH's ex wife's kids, per se, but I do wish he had met me first.

I don't have any kids of my own yet but I've always dreamed of giving a boy the same middle name as his father. Too late, SS already got it.

I gave my DD a name that can be used for a girl or a boy. Before we settled on it, my husband mentioned that SD had an uncle (on BM's side) with the same name and that it might confuse her if her sister has the same name as her uncle.

Too bad for SD. I have two cousins named Michael and I wasn't confused, so I'm sure SD will be fine too.