I don't understand it, I will never understand it. How can any responsible parent not address issues that affect the well being of their children. From what you say the younger boy is pretty much being abused by her if not physcially, certainly emotionally, and more than likeyly verbally, and his father does not only does nothing but feels you don't deserve a say. Sounds such a familiar story.

Ordinarily I would absolutely agree, it is not your battle to fight, however, under the circumstances you describe above, surely these kids are at risk and it is your duty to step in, no one should sit back and watch children be abused or put a risk, if there father won't help them and their mother is the one putting them in harms way physically and emotionally and you say she has been caught many times being mean to the younger boy, why has no one reported her to authorities. Come to think of it, dad should be reported too. This is appalling, and he is doing nothing about it, and stopping the one person who seems to care (you) from even having an opinion.

It is the same old story your husband will not stand up to his ex, yet doesn't mind putting you in your place. No wonder you are losing respect for him. The answer for you is the same for all of us. If your husband does not support you, and you cannot agree on some sort of boundaries for the ex and the children, it is pretty much impossible to fix. IT IS HIS JOB.. Unfortunately he seems to be failing at it. Mum might have drinking problem, what's dad excuse.

How can he not see you are not only the boys main carer, but you seem to have more intrest in their welfare than he and his ex put together. I cannot imagine putting my children into the care and car of someone who has come straight off happy hour. I feel very sorry for you and very sorry and concerned for the kids. If she is as bad as you say, and no one is stepping in to help these kids, then perhaps you should report her to child services. This is clearly not a healthy environment for the boys to be in.

Well done. You sound like a wonderful person the boys are lucky to have you. If the authorities do become involved you and the boys might just find yourself in your own little family with no bios involved, sounds good. I wish with all my heart the very best for you and the boys. Hope all goes really well for you and things turn out the way you and the boys would like them too. Bio mum and dad need a wake up call and you may just be the person to give it too them. As Isaid, I think these young men are very lucky to have you. All the best.

It's horrible how men lose their backbones when BM is around! It's worse for the kids because I honestly do not think that these people take the kids into consideration at all. Imagine being a kid and the people you are supposed to love and trust more than anyone else in the world lets you down so badly? Those kids are the people who will be affecting OUR world in years to come, why the hell do people not take better care of them? (puts soap box away).
We got custody because BM abandoned the kids, they ran buck ass wild and DH let it happen until the juvenile courts became involved. Five years to get SD some sort of straight after all the trauma she endured. SS is now back with his mother and the shit will hit the fan there soon too, over money no doubt, since money is BM's God.
I wish you all the best, it sounds like you have a great relationship with the boys and I hope you are able to see them through these years growing up. Even if you do not have custody you can still be there for them as a step mom and someone they can trust.