How soon before I can comfortably call the step kids my family?
Forums:
My husband has two teenage boys. We got married in Sept 2015. They visit every single weekend. I feel society telling me to start calling them my family. I'm unclear on this. I don't feel like they are mine at all. We don't have great bonds. We all like each other well enough BUT everything take times I keep hearing. How much time should I give it till I'm comfortable saying this is my family?
It's not a time thing. If
It's not a time thing. If (and when) you feel it, you will know. If you don't ever feel it, that's okay, too. Liking each other "well enough" is enough, no matter what anybody else tells you.
I felt like family when SS
I felt like family when SS then 19 told his friend "my stepmom is giving me a ride." You may want to take your lead from them. You can call them your steps or "my husband's sons," whatever you are comfortable with.
I agree with the poster who
I agree with the poster who said take your cues from your skids. My OSD has made it clear she wants nothing much to do with me, she refers to me as "his wife" (meaning DH) and so I have learned to give her her wish
My YSD on the other hand is proud to call me step-mom, refers to me as her "other mom" acknowledges me for Mother's Day, birthday, etc.. tells me she loves me on a regular basis. With her, she totally feels like like family to me and I'm comfortable referring to her as that. OSD, and DH's sister, not so much
So, if you have an okay relationship with your SS's that's great. If one day they start to send you messages that they care for you as family/think of you as their family, etc... then you know you're moving in that direction
I guess my post was a bit
I guess my post was a bit choppy and unclear. I just don't feel like they are my family regardless of what we call each other. My husband wants us all to be bonded and close. He takes it personal that I tell him I don't feel close to them. Too me they are guests that visit every weekend. I realize bonds form in their own time but my husband doesn't. Both parents seem to feel, "but you are their step mom". When they were both married they went through the same thing with his young daughter from his first marriage. BUT she was young and female and a lot easier to bond with than two older boys. I can't get either to not take it personal. They made those kids, I just have to watch them and care for them. I do those things without any attachment to them.
Regardless of what your
Regardless of what your husband wants, it is ok if you never feel like they are family. I've had SD full time for over 8 yrs and still don't feel like she's family at all. It's been a real struggle having someone live under my roof 24/7 who still acts and feels like a guest. You're lucky that at least you like each other well enough. My SD still hates me and refuses to bond with any of us in the house.