Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

DO NOT allow anyone to make you the unpaid nanny. If you were not there, what would DH do? He'd have to make other arrangments. How about MIL?

I just don't understand these people who fight so hard for custody, just to leave the kid with a step parent instead of the other boilogical parent.

Do NOT allow this to happen or it will become the norm.

If the kids are 13 and 16, do they really need a babysitter? I'd think you could pretty much feel free to come and go and do as you please and let the two teens fend for themselves. Does the oldest drive yet?

But to answer your question, no. If you'd rather the kids not be there during Dad's work hours Saturday, have Dad run them home before work and get them again after or the next morning.

I would be in upheaval too as I have no kids of my own. I feel as I am not blood I should be the last person called to the front line to take care of children.
Decide what you are willing to do and don't be afraid to say this isn't working.
They should maybe do mediation to change the times of they don't suit or as another person suggested go to granny's.
Unless your being paid in cash and exalted with gratitude for your kindness then don't let yourself become a slave to your husband

I wouldn't like my partner to just decided that I would be looking after the kids if he was at work especially if it was going to be a long term and regular thing. He is their parent after all and I am an adult in the household and his partner so I would expect to be asked if it was ok with me.

Oh hell no!! This happened to me, Only DH and BM were trying to get me to watch them DAILY while I worked full time. I put the brakes on that real quick.
If you give an inch they take a mile. You will start out watching them one day a week and it will end up you doing ALL the running for them.
Not sure of the ages of the kids but still...the answer would be no.

Default babysitter?

If that is a question, the answer is, "No."

But you have to let it be known that the answer is no, if you don't want to do it. Your DH should have asked you but apparently he didn't.

I've been with my DH for 19 years (SD is 24) and I have watched his daughter one time for 4 hours, when he had to work a half a day on Saturday. Really, it was about 2 hours, since she was a late sleeper! And he asked me, he did not just assume that it was my job.

This is where A LOT of resentment can come in so I hope you do something about it, if it's not what you want. Even if you don't mind, it should not be taken for granted that you will do it.

Your role is whatever you decide, and what you and your DH agree on, not what everybody else says.

Bottom line is, his kids are his responsibility (and BM's), not yours. You married him, you didn't adopt them.

It is NOT your responsibility to watch his children while he isn't there (or is there for that matter). I used to do this years ago and no more. You married him to be his wife, not the babysitter. Yes, his children are part of the package, but the package is when HE IS HOME. Let the Incubator/BM take care of them. Use that time for YOU!

Bring it up to him! "I guess the visitation schedule will need to change now that you work Saturdays, what's the new schedule going to be?" Because visitation is for him and his kids, not for you and his kids. After all, you'd HATE for him to miss out on his time!

Don't become the Saturday sitter. You will resent it. It's an unreasonable expectation anyway.

You are not the default babysitter! Explain that they are visiting him NOT you and you have other things to do during that time.

Once you start - it will be expected. don't do it.

You are just going to have to put your foot down if you don't want to do it. That's really just the reality of it.

I don't care what BM says, I don't care what MIL says, it is not the step mom's job by default, it just isn't. Maybe MIL should be the default, she is the grandmother.

I agree with hereiam - MIL should automatically be the "default" babysitter.

Unless your main mission in marriage is to play mom, babysitter, doormat and to just makes life in general as easy peasy as possible for BM and DH, just say no and don't feel bad.

If your DH isn't home the kids should not be there. It could very well become one of those "do a favor once, and it becomes expected of you" things. Don't let it. There is nothing worse than getting shafted with the step kids on your day off. This is the kind of shit that makes SMs not want their skids around.

Agree. Husband tried that a while back and I said nope! Not your kids, not your circus. Unless you want to do it for him as a favor. But otherwise, I wouldn't, things have a way of coming back to bite you. What you say or do while he's not around is all fair game and can be twisted once they're back to biomom's.

First, why do a 13 and 16 year old need a babysitter? They should be able to stay home alone while DH is at work and you should be free to do whatever you want to do.

Second, an official custody order needs to be put in place. Then BM will need to follow the order and DH won't have to keep giving into her in order to see the kids.

You need to start standing up for yourself. You wrote the following:

I don't feel I ever have a say or DH gets sad and BM gets mad. If I resist, there is Hell to pay.

You almost make it sound like DH and BM are in the primary relationship and you are the third wheel. You don't need to care if she gets mad as that is not your problem. What exactly do you mean by "there is hell to pay?" Is it just DH "giving you hell" or is BM somehow involved? In any case, quit putting up with it.

Quit worrying about what BM and MIL think and deal only with your DH. The two of you need to have a serious conversation about your needs and wants while the skids are staying with you.

My personal opinion is no way in hell should a step parent be being used as a default babysitter, but personally I feel that not even the non-custodial parent should be used as a default babysitter.
Every child moving between households needs to have a detailed court order, the custodial parent is responsible for arranging child care on their time, the non custodial is responsible for arranging child care on their visitation time. Now by all means either party can ask and offer help if they wish but personally I feel the more separate the two households are, the better for the child.

The non custodial parent who is only responsible for their child during visitation has a responsibility to ensure that they are available or have formal child care (school, after-school care, holiday care) in place. They need to be able to arrange this as if the step parent didnt exist, because frankly, the only people with the formal legal rights and responsibility for the child are the biological parents anyway.

Now, naturally shift work happens, evenings and weekend work happens but if this is causing a continued issue and cutting into the non custodial parents time on a regular basis then they need to rework the visitation. The visitation is to enable the child to spend time with their other parent, not always left with the step parent or babysitter.

Sure if theres a schedule conflict the parent can ask their partner if they are happy to have the skid(s) but it should be that way, ASKED and with a good few days/week notice. As any emergency situation should be dealt with solely by the biological parents.

At the beginning of living with SO, I got roped into babysitting on a constant, regular basis instead of him/BM getting an actual babysitter (they don't have a lot of money for a babysitter was the excuse). I quicky got depressed, working full-time (10-12 hour days) and taking care of his kids while I tried to stay productive at work. (I work at home, but still, it's stressful work running a company). After a while, I told him I don't feel comfortable with it, I don't care how he plans to afford a babysitter but he needs to get one.

There was fights, arguments, hurt on his side as to why I didn't want to be around his child without him there. I explained to him... I have a job. It's not providing childcare. That is a service people perform and get paid for. I explained that it's up to parents to figure out childcare because it's not appropriate to have a child without having childcare for when you have to work.

I also told him it's not that I don't like her around, it's just that there's no biological bond that makes me enjoy her company as much as an actual parent does. I made sure he knew she was better off with someone paid to take care of her or a biological parent because I was feeling annoyed with her, and why would he want his child around someone who's annoyed of her?

This is just facts. I find as a SM, explaining to my SO the biology of parenting helps. We simply do not have a bond with stepkids the way parents do. It will never be there. We can love our stepkids, care about them greatly, but that biological bond is NOT there and as soon as he realizes that, it's alot easier. Kids are annoying... Parents get annoyed of their own kids but have unconditional love that makes it worth it. We don't... So they are very annoying if you're not getting paid for it

If you decide to go the route I did and explain this... Make sure you spend SOME time with your stepkids. I take my SD out for girls nights once in a while or bring her to lunch, so he knows that although I WILL get annoyed if i'm made to be her nanny, I do enjoy bonding with her when it works for my schedule.