How many SM's are moving out/leaving?
I've been through a lot in my stepdisaster - I went to the banks, applied for credit, started house hunting, found the house I liked, negotiated on it, and finally agreed on a settled price, and then went to the bank to apply for the mortgage - a long drawn out two month process, that I really didn't know what to expect for an ending - if they would tell me I was disapproved, or if it would happen and I did get approved, and by some divine miracle, I was approved and I made it HAPPEN - closing date is June 1st. I'm moving out sooner than that though - just waiting to evacuate the last couple animals (two horses and my dog). I had a place for the horses to go but those people backed out. Just waiting for a response from an old friend that I'm quite certain will give them a place to stay for a while for me.
I want to leave and entirely sever my relationship with my partner and his family - I don't even want to stay friends. (Honestly - I just want to change my phone number and block him and his entire social and family circle on all social media outlets)
I don't know if or how much I will truly miss him, after some of the traumatic incidents I've experienced in his home at the hands of himself, his ex-wife and his kids. I don't know how I will enjoy or struggle with living alone.
Can anyone else offer some thoughts/experience on this topic? Is there anyone who can relate or has any sort of tips or suggestions? I guess I might just foolishly be seeking the validation that I'm not alone in this.
Thanks for all the support so far, by the way. I'm keeping my head up!
Congrats on buying your own
Congrats on buying your own place! I'm afraid I've not been here much the last few years so I don't know much of your backstory, but it sounds like you're going through something similar to my situation, so I'll weigh in just a bit.
I was with my (now ex) partner for close to 8 years and our problems stemmed less from the stepkid situation (well, after I mostly disengaged) and more to do with other problems. We struggled for years to work through things with each of us feeling less and less attached and supported. So when we decided to call it quits in January this year it was a real struggle for me and very sad, but the decision also cleared the way for me to make plans for myself for a change, not having to take him into account. I'd held myself back from my life goals, not because he asked me to, but because my goals didn't fit into our relationship, and that relationship was sucking all the life out of me. I take ownership for that, and need to spend some time exploring why I choose to sacrifice what was best for me for a relationship where I was giving more than I was getting in return. It was a problem in his first marriage as well, and I have to admit I ended up asking (and sometimes demanding) more emotionally from him than he HAS. Same as his ex-wife. Which really sucks. He told me many times that his first wife and I both remind him of black holes, a void he could never fill.
Doesn't that sound like FUN?! Lol! I'm so glad it's over. The emotional back and forth was exhausting. Yes, I miss him, but wow, there's a whole world out there that just reopened up for me. I feel happier and healthier than I have in years.
I just bought my own apartment a couple of months ago and moved in recently. I can not over emphasise how healing this has been for me. I've never lived on my own in my entire life and I was afraid I would feel lonely, but honestly it's been a life changing thing so far. I LOVE having my own space with everything I need and nothing I don't. I had a conversation with my ex-husband recently (bio son's dad) who said it was about time I put some energy into just taking care of myself and not worrying about everyone else. Best advice ever.
I don't know what the future holds but I feel that I'm moving into it with more confidence than I've ever had in my life. I hope your experience is very similar. Whenever I start to feel a bit sad about losing my relationship I look around and feel the saddness replaced by the possibilities
I don't need a man to make me happy, I need a LIFE, and I've finally got it!
Hugs and best wishes for the future!
Congrats
Happy to read your update. Can't believe it's already May 2018.
I get the keys to my new
I get the keys to my new apartment on Tuesday. This is the last worst night I will have to spend trapped in this house. My boyfriend is out, again, and I am stuck alone here with his kids, again. The video games are on full blast, and if I say something SS will be rude and threatening, and boyfriend will not believe me. I will just go to bed as soon as I can.
This experiment did not work. I can't live with teenagers who are just not parented at all. I'm not sure if YSD is even here? I'm not sure my boyfriend has even checked on her in a day or so.
I can't WAIT to have my own place. I can clean up just after myself, and my bios will help, I can cook with and for my kids, I can sit in silence without shooting noises in the background. I don't have to worry anymore about CPS calls (SS made fake abuse accusations against boyfriend so I was investigated also), or calls from the police (SS threatened someone with a knife) or calls from the school, or angry large teenagers. I hate them right now. I want them to be gone. I want to be gone.
You are doing the right thing.
The Only Thing
keeping me here is that its my house, the skids PASed out and the fact that Chef is finally pulling his weight financially despite the massive CS. Ideal partner? Hell no. If Chef keeled over would I be glad to be on my own? YES! Would I EVER get into a relationship with someone with kids (no matter the age)? HELL NO!
Had the skids not PASed out, frankly Chef and I would have killed each other quite literally, it was that bad. Chef was not going to move out as he had no place to go...zero money left after CS is paid. And he has the ego NOT to bite the hand that feeds him.
Oh and the fact that I usually get one day a week all to myself...Sundays to putter around the house, get a mani, etc.