How do I stop her from spoiling him rotten?!?!
Hey, so my latest problem is that my wife always gives in to my SS4. He has got her played like a fiddle and she just wont realize it, for example when she drops him off at daycare he literally falls in the floor in the daycare grabbing her leg and screaming bloody murder. When I take him he is very sad and hesitant, and will tear up, but does not pitch the god awful fit. She defends this as "he is just a mommas boy and he is sad" I try to explain to her that pitching a fit is never o.k., there is a difference between missing someone and being sad, and then straight up being a fit throwing dragging on the floor screaming bad child. This also escalates into whenever he gets sick and has to take medicine, it is world war 3 in the house because in the past she would not make him take medicine he did not like, she is like "call the doctor get more" I again explain, all medicine is not great (and besides he pitches a fit when it comes to taking grape flavored Tylenol, which is like kool-aid...) so the medicine isn't the issue, the issue is he refuses to do anything he does not want to or he throws a god awful fit, what can I do??? she gets mad at me for getting stern and forcing him to take the medicine anyway, he cant hardly breathe, he needs it... and one more, when he sees bugs (which she has him deathly afraid of, even butterflies) he screams (literally) at the top of his lungs, and she defends that as, he is just scared, i mean good grief, the boy is 4.. this has to stop, but she refuses to be "mean" to him, she cannot separate discipline from "being mean", she thinks anytime I discipline and he cries im just "being mean" as parents is it not our job to make kids do what is right for them even if they don't like it, they don't know whats best????? She just doesn't realize the monster she is creating for the teenage years ahead, does anyone know how to approach this with her? I am out of ideas.... I need help, its getting bad.... i love her and him to death.. I cant figure out how to help her change.
Do you have any friends with
Do you have any friends with well behaved children - even if they are older/younger - whose parenting style you admire? Perhaps you could arrange a day at a park or something with the 2 couples and the kids and take it from there. If the wives hit it off, hopefully the parenting style can rub off or you can even ask your friend to ask his wife to gently/discretely "coach" yours. If nothing else, after the day with well-behaved children, you can mention to your wife how smoothly they seem to handle their children and wonder aloud what their secret is. The other possibility is to enlist the help of someone at the daycare and have them mention to your wife that SS4 seems to be lagging behind in development of healthy detachment from her.
My FH's wife was the same way with their kids. Unfortunately, her sense of self was, and is, completely wrapped up in the children. She NEEDED them to need her. They are now teens and they are still entirely attached to her. A weekend away from her is torture for them and we only live 2 blocks apart! They have never learned that there are some things in life that you simply have to suck it up and do. Such as homework. They don't like it so they don't do it. Two of them are failing out of school. According to their mother, it is because the teacher is mean to them. Apparently this is true for every teacher they have ever had.
I strongly suggest that you get this under control now. It only gets worse.
Do you have any friends with
Do you have any friends with well behaved children - even if they are older/younger - whose parenting style you admire? Perhaps you could arrange a day at a park or something with the 2 couples and the kids and take it from there. If the wives hit it off, hopefully the parenting style can rub off or you can even ask your friend to ask his wife to gently/discretely "coach" yours. If nothing else, after the day with well-behaved children, you can mention to your wife how smoothly they seem to handle their children and wonder aloud what their secret is. The other possibility is to enlist the help of someone at the daycare and have them mention to your wife that SS4 seems to be lagging behind in development of healthy detachment from her.
My FH's wife was the same way with their kids. Unfortunately, her sense of self was, and is, completely wrapped up in the children. She NEEDED them to need her. They are now teens and they are still entirely attached to her. A weekend away from her is torture for them and we only live 2 blocks apart! They have never learned that there are some things in life that you simply have to suck it up and do. Such as homework. They don't like it so they don't do it. Two of them are failing out of school. According to their mother, it is because the teacher is mean to them. Apparently this is true for every teacher they have ever had.
I strongly suggest that you get this under control now. It only gets worse.