Holidays with Stepchild.
My problem is that although I have no real problems with my stepson, and as he lives some distance from us we only see him once a month, my issue is holidays.
Last year my partner took his son and stepdaughter away for a week and as we were quite new together then that was fine. This year we are settled and living together and have bought a lovely new caravan together for holidays too. I thought I would be ok when holiday time arrived but now it's here I really can't face spending a week in a caravan, however big and nice it is, with his child. The relationship with my partner and his son is sometimes quite tricky, it seems to go from very loving to very fraught in a short space of time and I find that difficult to deal with. Also, the child has a habit of following me about which I find desperately irritating and I can just see by the end of the week that so many issues will have arisen and the whole experience will be miserable for us all. I have now said that I'm staying at home for the week and spending time with my daughter who has just graduated from university. This will likely be the last time we have to spend together as she starts studying hard in September again, but I think we all know that's not the real issue.
I know that I won't be able to face a holiday together next year, things won't change miraculously, so what do I do? Let the two of them holiday alone until his son is too old to want to go anyway or go and be miserable. My partner isn't happy I know but is going along with it this year. I know he's terrified of losing me as he lost a previous partner because she didn't want to share him with his son. I think if we can just agree that for one week of the year we spend time apart we'll be fine, but I feel so guilty!
Advice please.
Thank you. He's very
Thank you. He's very understanding and I have said that a cottage away together would be preferable as I could then have my own space. The thought of a child wandering through the bedroom to the bathroom during the night is not good for a start which wouldn't happen in a rented cottage or house obviously. I think the fact that my partner and I have such different ways of parenting is also an issue. I am much softer, don't do yelling, screaming and shouting whereas his ex does all the time and he's learnt those ways from her. I've said there are better ways to treat a child and he's getting better but it will always be there I think.
I just feel guilty because I'm so looking forward to time with my lovely girl next week but my partner is so obviously not looking forward to the holiday with his son which is down to me and my selfishness.
I agree that he should not
I agree that he should not rely on your presence to have a good time with his child. Sometimes, it's nice to have that one-on-one time with your kid. A week of father-son bonding time should be something he looks forward to, and if he doesn't/isn't? That's on him, and something HE needs to work on.
Don't feel guilty for wanting similar time with your child. Especially at that age, you deserve some mother-daughter time. Enjoy yourselves, and don't allow him to guilt you about it.
Thanks for your reply, there
Thanks for your reply, there are two ways to look at it. One, that SS will have a nicer holiday if I go in some ways, as I'm a great believer in taking children to nice places, making the most of the area we're in, zoos, castles etc. etc. which his father will probably not do with him. Having brought up two kids already it's maybe easier for me, and also his ex is not into that kind of thing, only shopping, so they never do anything like that with the children. Also, I act as a buffer between them, he won't lose his temper so much if I'm there because he knows how much I hate it so SS won't be in trouble so much!
But the other side of the coin is that when I am there SS gets even less attention because his fathers attention is mostly on me which isn't good either. if I'm being blatantly honest here, I think my partner regrets the situation that he's found himself in. He makes no bones about admitting he hates his ex and I think that although he loves his son, he regrets his existence. He tells me every day that he loves me more than anyone. I used to say except for your son, but have given up because I can see in his eyes that that's not so.
Anyway, this year he goes alone, next year I won't even let him book the holiday without serious discussion. No way am I going in the caravan as a threesome that's for sure!