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HELP....NEED SKILLS TO COPE WITH BM

threepointo's picture

Submitted by threepointo on Wed, 03/23/2011 - 6:36pm

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General Discussion

The woman is killing me....I have found that going to DH is a worthless proposition and if left to my own devices I am making the situation MUCH worse. She is disrespectfull, rude and manipulative. I am trying to take a higher road but it is making me depressed. There are issues with SD13 and I am trying the disengage method but that is just making me resentfull. Any suggestions??? Thanks.

Milomom's picture

Submitted by Milomom on Wed, 03/23/2011 - 7:23pm

Hi threepointo!

Welcome to StepTalk - this is truly an amazing place to get & give support and advice for everything in this crazy life we lovingly call "Stepparenting".

Many of us can relate to trying to deal with a manipulative BM without losing our sanity!! You've found the right place.

Can you give us a specific example of what BM is doing and what the issues are with SD13 so that maybe we can be in a better position to help?

I can give you a piece of general advice that I've learned from the awesome people here: the BEST way to get back at a disrespectful, manipulative BM is to live a HAPPY, CARING AND WONDERFUL LIFE WITH YOUR DH, ALWAYS BE THE CLASSIER WOMAN and NEVER LET HER SEE YOU SWEAT!! If your BM is anything like some of the others written about on this board, she absolutely THRIVES in making your relationship MISERABLE. If you let her get to you, she has SUCCEEDED in her mission. KWIM??

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Wed, 03/23/2011 - 7:47pm

One piece that I will always remember is this:

If it was Jesus next to you how would you treat him. You never know. Maybe....

Anyway that was a moving piece of advice that day in church and made a difference in how I viewed many things and people in my life.

Another one came from my mother who is a stepmother:
She only has the power you give her.

threepointo's picture

Submitted by threepointo on Wed, 03/23/2011 - 9:30pm

Thanks Milomom...Everything you say is right I am sure she does just loves pissing me off and I understand her goal and should not let it get to me the reality is simple......IT DOES GET TO ME. I just need skills so that it's not that obvious so she gives up and leaves me alone. I am not good and standing there and acting like I am interested in what she has to say nor do I respect her enough to care. It's obvious to me that she does not respect me otherwise she would respond to my text that her daughter was hurt while with me...She would not stop by our house unannounced as she has been asked not to...She would not come into my house without an invitation...Or stop by our get togethers at the local pub (our off night with kids). This would be easier if she had common courtesy to mind her not to communicate with my SO constantly. This I know has to start with my SO. The only option I can come up with is not put myself in a situation where I will have to deal with her but I feel that undermines my relationship with the girls and my SO not to mentions makes me look childish.

cenrok's picture

Submitted by cenrok on Wed, 03/23/2011 - 9:56pm

I would not have anything to do with her. Neither you or your SO need to say "anything" to her if she stops by the pub. You could both just sit and look at her like you really just want her to LEAVE. Maybe she'll feel like an ass & LEAVE. IF she stops by the house unannounced - don't answer the door. She doesn't have to know you are there. On other words - don't give her the time of day & keep your head up & say very little to nothing during the times you must be near her. That is taking the high road....