Right. To keep it short, we met at work and have been seeing casually for a year. He would sometimes cancel on me and was often out of reach (red flags...). However as I myself was quite non committal and busy with my life, I didn’t mind as much as I didn’t see much of a future with him. When I met him, I was freshly out of a two year old “relationship” with a Disney dad who treated me like crap. This was a circle of child rejection, golden uterus hostility and Disney dad cuntery and excessive pampering. To illustrate I shall say he would pander to the kids every fart, referred to his son as “his majesty”, insisted no arguments shall ever happen in front of him and once I did try to have an argument in the remote part of house when the skid wouldn’t see or hear, the Disney father accused me of “child abuse” because “skid still senses something is off”. He was also neglecting me and cheating on me left right and centre. So my desire for a relationship, and especially dealing with any skids, was effectively killed. I was never a kid person anyway, I have no instinct to have them (I’m 27) either. 

I vowed I won’t give a single father a chance again and began seeing the new guy (29) who was younger than the Disney dad and appeared free of baggage. He did mention to have been married before but nothing else. Claimer to have been divorced and that his previos marriage was arranged by families. 

I once saw a child seat in his car as well as a picture of a kid on his phone but he claimed it was a nephew when he was asked directly. I trusted him and didn’t push. 

However, I knew something was off as he initially pursued me this began to diminish. He cancelled dates on me, I couldn’t get hold of him, frequently travelled to different city. I knew there’s something in the background as his actions didn’t match his words. We had argument over it and fell apart. He came back after three weeks “after realising what he let’s go of” and the chasing picked up again from his end. A few weeks ago I opened up a lot about my life to him, and before we even started dating I told him anything negative about me that could have been a deal breaker to him so he doesn’t waste time. I respected him enough to have a choice and he still went ahead with me. Those facts I told him about me he could’ve easily used against me and ruin my life - I took the risk as id rather tell him beforehand than hiding and having someone else to tell him instead. He never used it against me and accepted me as I was.

So theee weeks ago I told him about some controversial opinions of mine and that we have big cultural differences. It was eating away at me for some time and decided to have these out as I felt this was getting serious. So if anything was to move forward those differences needed to be on the table. We talked it out and resolved. Now...

Fast forward to last week, he said he also has something to tell me. He said theres something he can’t keep from me any longer and feels like a jerk given I opened my guts up as much as I did so it’s now “unfair to me”. Ok. 

He took me out and as we drove back to my place, he announced he has a child from that previous marriage. Allegedly 4 years old and he has full custody. Allegedly BM is out of the picture as she wants nothing to do with the skid. He admits to have lied to me, admits it was shit of him to do, that he deserves any shit from me for that omission. He explained that massive omission saying how “he wasn’t sure how I’d react” and how “he didn’t want to lose me”. To me it’s no excuse because he has now lost me BECAUSE he didn’t tell me. I’m furious he respected me so little and robbed me of an ability to make an informed choice. I told him about the previous Disney dad and he claims he “just wants me to treat his son as i will treat our own future children”.  He claims he doesn’t want to force me into an instant mummy and wants to take this relationship to the next level. 

But... 

The trauma from the Disney dad and emotional damage he caused me are hard to forget. Plus my current boyfriend has lied to me for a year which is even worse than the kidS existence. the vision of repeating the stepmother martyrdom is haunting me and making physically sick. I feel like this man just robbed me off a year of my life which I could’ve spent seeking a childless man I developed feelings towards the man but I can’t possibly carry on as now I am just thinking what else was a bullshit. The trust is ruined.

Makes me wonder whether he was never serious about me hence he didn’t share that important fact for a year OR he tricked me into this by making me fall for him and only then drop the bomb. 

I have dumped him today. I said I can’t continue this and it’s not because of the skid but because of the dishonesty - I didn’t go full blast and tell him I want nothing to do with another woman’s spawn. 

The decison is kinda made but just want to hear your thoughts Ladies...