Guns - need some serious help!
Please - attempt to keep your liberal/conservative opinions at minimum. I need some serious advice.
I have been in SS10's life for 2 years. Since the beginning, I have been VERY concerned about his obsession with guns. I was raised around guns. DH and I have several - that we keep locked at all times. So, I am not "afraid of guns" per-say.
I have also - for the past 2 years - been very vocal about thinking SS has autism and adhd. Guess what? His teacher sent home something saying that she thinks so too! Amazing how smart I am...
Anyways - SS is OBSESSED with guns. Not like "cowboy & indian" - but like knows every single REAL gun - how it works, what's legal/illegal. What type of gun was used in many serious mass shootings, etc. When recently browsing SS's google history, almost every single search he had was about the mechanics of guns, how they work, people shooting guns --- and a random search about "rape". Yeah - welcome to my world. He even knows how far most of them shoot and how many bullets it would take to "take down" someone from a certain distance.
Even though I've always been comfortable with guns - this does NOT seem normal - nor anything I've ever witnessed among other children. DH seems to think its just a "phase" but admits he's been obsessed with guns since he was about 3 and its just gotten worse.
My biggest concern is that SS will get his hands on a real gun someday and be so obsessed and addicted to the idea of it that he can't be responsible. He will never touch any of ours. DH recently has decided that he should teach him about gun safety - which I don't completely disagree with... but we only see him EOW (unless there is some drama) and anytime he is even around a gun he gets giddy with excitment and asks questions like "would you shoot that through this wall for $100?"
I know *some* interest in normal for boys - but his mother also lets him play killing games that are rated for ages 17+. He is not allowed to play those in my house. He seems to talk about guns more than 50% of all conversations. I am actually becoming more & more concerned that as he enters adolescents that this isn't just a "boy interest" but unhealthy.
I am mostly disengaged... but I do feel a responsibility as a normal, healthy adult. Is this normal? Is it concerning? Should I be worried about his, school, my household's safety? Or, is this just a phase? Help me! If it's NOT healthy - what do I do?
He's 10, and I don't think
He's 10, and I don't think you can "own" a gun until age 21. At least, that's the way it is here. So, this is up to the people around him.
I wouldn't be worried about an obsession over GUNS. I'd be worried about an obsession with KILLING.
So, to support your points:
So, to support your points: We only see him 4 days per month - which is an absolute teeth-pulling struggle because BM often withholds. So - when the "people" around him is US, we know he won't get near them. When the "people" is BM's hillbilly family who bought him a rifle for his birthday... Um. Yeah. You get the point.
Anyways - he asks questions about whether certain guns could kill things going certain speeds, from certain distances. It's like he spends hours, hours, hours researching guns. DH tried to facilitate a conversation with BM about monitoring SS's internet usage and she told him that "whatever happens in her house on HER computer is none of his business."
It's frustrating. His teacher is weird about discussing the ADHD/autism thing with us. Even though DH's custody agreement says that he has full access to all school records, the teacher said that since DH doesn't have shared parenting, she has to first clear things with BM.
Can I just call the principal or guidance counselor and say "hey - custody agreement, or not - I am concerned?" WTF... Not sure what to do.
He perseverates on guns, just
He perseverates on guns, just like many kids with autism (and esp. Asperger's) perseverate on trains, or any other (often) highly technical, preferred topic. Talk to his teacher to see how she redirects him. Google perseveration and autism.
It might create problems for him in school if he is very vocal about his interest and it scares other kids. He could use counseling, i think.
I am not sure there is a correlation between being interested in the mechanics of guns and aggressive tendencies. Does he have any?
My SS is 5. He has been
My SS is 5. He has been diagnosed with ODD and ADHD and I think he has some form of Autism/Asberger's as well as Early Onset Conduct Disorder. He is completely obsessed with fire and destruction of any kind. He is violent and says the most awful things and like you said, his BM and her family are a bunch of backwoods idiots that let him do things no kid, let a lone a five year old with mental disorders should do. I am disengaged also, but like you said, as a responsible adult, I feel compelled to tell DH that his behavior is not normal, which gets ignored. I have told him I could easily see SS becoming an Adam Lanza someday, but he just rolls his eyes. I am not even comfortable with sleeping in the same house as him and when he is here, I lock my door at night. He has already threatened to kill me and stab me to death and rip my face off. He got his hands on butter knife one time and brought it to me and said, "see, I told you I would get a knife and kill you." Yep, that is what I live with folks, and DH's family wonders why I don't keep him AT ALL. Well, there is one big giant answer among many many others. I would be very concerned about him and his gun obsession. Being knowledgeable about them is one thing, but some of the questions he has asked would be red flags to me. We have guns, my husband hunts, but the day my SS thinks he will be given that privilege around me is the day DH and I will have it out. I am not going to have that worry added onto the plate.
The school is obligated to
The school is obligated to provide testing.
Kids with autism often focus on one thing. This may be his focus and it might not involve killing in real life. Testing, testing, testing.
School testing is very
School testing is very important as is seeking professional help through a counselor/psych to get a medical diagnosis. MY DH's ex, refuses to believe anything is wrong with her baby and when the school contacted her about how disturbed he is, she flipped out and threw a fit. They gave SS another chance, he continued to act out and cause total chaos and problems, so they told her he would need to be tested, an IEP would need to be put into place, and he would be moved to Special Ed for emotional disturbance. She withdrew him and he is on his 3rd school in one school year and is currently suspended. He is in Kindergarten by the way. She also threw a fit when I made DH take him to a child psych and get evaluated. She made the court order DH to stop any and all sessions with the therapist because it was not a jointly agreed upon service.