Got one for you. . .
Sitting at lunch the week after we got married with DH, SD19 and SD15. It was SD19's b'day. DH looks at me and says, SD15 is coming for weekend (she had travel ball tourney) and her BOYFRIEND is spending the night. Excuse me?? So, I looked quite shocked and said- Just where is he sleeping? DH says on the couch. If he had volunteered my BS14's room I would have melted down right then! They could see the irritation, so my SD15 says if it's ok? DH says-It is MY house now too (he moved in to my house that I bought after divorce)and you don't have to ask her. Before I could go off, my SD19 went off on him. Turns out, the BM told SD15 it was ok, and TOLD DH that he was spending the night in MY FREAKING HOUSE!
After our lengthy "conversation" later, DH explained to SD15 that it WON'T happen again. My BS20 didn't get that right, my BS14 will not either.
Ughh
Forget the not happen AGAIN,
Forget the not happen AGAIN, it won't happen in the first place. You two are not your childrens friends you are their parents. Please do not allow that to happen even once, because once you let it one time, there is always wiggle room for more. Put your foot down on this one is my advice. Good luck!
The BM lets him stay at her
The BM lets him stay at her house all the freaking time and expects my SD19 to "keep an eye on her sister." Seriously? WTH? He lives 3 hours away and is up for summer "staying" at his aunt's. But BM is trying to be 20 again and stays out all night with her "computer dates" or other divorced friends. My two SD's are raising my SS11. It is pathetic. So, it is anything goes at that house. I just pray I won't be Step-grandma anytime soon!
I'd ream my husband for
I'd ream my husband for making a decision like that without me. His saying "it's my house too" in front of his children is not ok. It may be both of your house (which is debatable), but a decision like that should be discussed prior to any permission being granted.
Period.
How interesting that your SD stepped in to let him have it.
Oh my God, I can't believe
Oh my God, I can't believe your brand new DH said that to you, and in front of the kids!!!
Can't believe he told his daughter she doesn't have to ask you. What a complete ass. That's the worst thing he did, worse than letting his daughter have her BF spend the night.
Yes, it's his HOME now too, not necessarily his house, and yes, he has a say in what goes on there, but letting a 15 yo boy spend the night in your all's house without asking you!! What an idiot. I hope you nip this in the bud now with your DH, never mind SD. It's like your DH and BM have gotten together to make decisions about what goes on in your house. Yeah...no!!
If SS16 actually had any friends over I would be having this same issue, but he's a recluse and hermit, so I don't have to worry about it.
Thank you! I was afraid I was
Thank you! I was afraid I was overreacting because I was blindsided.
The house has been a source of conflict. He moved in prior to us getting married last month, and I had to almost completely redo the plans that my BS14 and I had for most things. I get that, I really do. But, when the house was purchased, it WAS for the two of us. So, of course, it might not be what he DH would have had in mind. Oh well. I bought it, I make mortgage payments (DH is disabled, so I still pay bills), BS14 lives there full time. It has four bedrooms (two master suites-one in basement), and three baths. My BS has MS up and we have the one down. The third bedroom has my BS20's furniture and belongings in it, but he lives about 4 miles away with my elderly grandparents and helps take care of them. The fourth "bedroom" is my office, and will remain as such, except for the addition of a futon. My SD's don't come over except for once in a blue moon, and rarely ever want to stay over. My SS11, who ironically has the same first name as my BS20, sleeps in the third room. I don't feel the need to uproot and redo all my plans for the house for EOWE. He has a bedroom with full sized bed, a mattress that was bought brand new when I moved in, a TV/DVD, his own electric toothbrush, preferred flavor toothpaste, shower gel, shampoo, etc. What I find to be irritating is that I am expected to allow him access to my BS14's stuff and MY LAPTOP! Not. . . I am a professor and researcher. My laptop is my lifeline, and this kid has destroyed 3 at his BM's. My BS14 has a spotless room (he is OCD and germ phobe) with furniture you would not expect a child his age to have picked (so it it NOT little hyper kid friendly), a keyboard, guitar, banjo, and a collection of movie and classic rock memorabilia. He is scheduled to begin attending a school for the fine arts for theatre and dance in the new school term. My SS11, is a tornado looking for a place to touchdown. He breaks things, including a watch I had given to me over 20 years ago-then he hid it and lied. I feel it is unreasonable to expect my BS's room to be fair game when he is at his dad's and SS is with us. I am trying to so hard not come across as a stepmonster, but I just feel that kids deserve their own space without it being invaded. My BS doesn't go through SS's stuff or "borrow" his things I have bought him for our house.