One month ago, today, I got the talk and he told me it was over. I still come to ST because it helps to confirm that I am not the only one who has been feeling troubled all of these years (5 1/2)in a no-win relationship. I am still hurting and I know it will take time, but I miss the man who I thought was my best friend, companion and lover. I adored this man, even when he acted creepy towards me. He put his kids first, not a bad thing, except that he never put me in the equation. I always came after the SK's and BM. Now I see that that is not so uncommon. I thought I was just being over sensitive and I needed to get a grip on this relationship. It was helpful for me to read a link ( I can't find it anymore) it was something about how to make your partner feel neglected in the relationship. It was spot on in my case. He would seem to ignore me when the kids were around and then he would get mad and say I was not bonding with his children. His children are very rich, privilaged (as is the BM - thanks to him) and I had trouble relating to them, I guess, and they are now getting close to being teen-agers and acting differently. I am an old lady in their heads.

Something else clicked thanks to this website. It was about the narcisistic BM and her daughters. My now ex-bf (still hard to sink in that he is my ex now) told me early in the relationship that through counseling before his divorce the counselor told him that she has NPD (narcisistic personality disorder). She definitely fits the descriptions of one. She spends tons of money on herself, expensive everything and still has him cover misc. expenses for the kids even though she gets $5,000.00 per month for CS. I was lucky to get that the entire growing up years of my now 20 year old BD. Anyway, something happened this last summer at an outdoor event. We met up with the sk's and the BM and she said to me "Nice to see you again, monklas" All I did was answer "Hi" and then kind of ignore her. Sk age 10 gave me a strange look like she was disappointed in me or something that I wasn't gushing all over BM. Since that time, SK10 had been ignoring me, no eye contact to me or my BD and I found a note she had written in the garbage and it said "Do not give any eye contact to ...THEM!" The NPD description said that they hate to be ignored most of all and especially if you don't look at them because you are kind of like a mirror to them . They need to be constantly adored. Things were starting to go down hill, I guess, but I didn't really realize this. BD got mad at sk10 when she was being loud and disrespectful in the house. My bd apologized for this and gave her a hug, yet, my bf held a grudge and was mad about this. He said my BD and myself are just used to being alone (we all lived together for 4 1/2 years - not like we just moved in) and we couldn't bond with his kids. He also told me he wasn't attracted to me anymore. there was no spark. To me that is immature love. There should be occasional sparks but when you are caught up in the day to day crap the sparks fizzle until there is a more appropiate time. Am I wrong? I realize I am probably better off, but not too long ago he told me he loved me and something just changed really quickly. I know I should just get over this but this was a long term relationship, one that he assured me it was for the long haul. There is also an old friend (female) of his that entered the picture this summer. She got married but she was always in love with exbf and did'nt seem to like me very much. I could feel the tension. Now, its like her family and exbf and his kids are all doing things as a family and I was pushed out to the curb. What a horrible whirlwind I've been in this past month. I moved out within two weeks of him telling me it was over and now BD and myself are trying to adjust to a strange and different environment, away from the home and people we loved and knew for the past 5 1/2 yrs. Any comments are greatly welcome as I need to feel better soon!!
Monklas