Sometimes I think it is a combination of wimpy but also other more heartfelt things. You obviously made a committment to be with your BF for the long haul if you bought a house together. While a lot of people don't seem to care anymore about vows and comittment, there are still some good people out there who do.

I think we also hate to feel that we have failed at something that we have put so much time, effort and love into and I think that many have a fear of change, the unknown, the unexpected.

When I was married to my ExH I was unhappy, was pretty sure he was cheating (but couldn't prove it and he was denying it), and really didn't want to be in the marraige anymore, but I didn't leave because I took vows, because I didn't want to be a failure, because I was scared of my future. But the best thing happened, HE left and took away my "choice". I was forced to face all of my fears and I survived and am sooo much happier than I would have been if I continued to stay and be unhappy.

Wouldn't you rather be the HAPPY crazy cat lady, than the miserable catless lady with no joy in her heart because it was sucked out by a thoughtless, selfish BF and skid? You say you know you deserve better, so do something about it! I bet you'll be suprised at the strength a woman can muster when need be!

Side note: when I was going through my divorce, I needed to change my passwords on my accounts that I had shared with ExH so he could not access them.. and guess what I made my password? "Ideservebetter" ..swear to God! I knew it was something HE would NEVER figure out and it made me feel good to type it kind of like my "mantra"

anyway... good luck to you on whatever you decide to do, hopefully you can be happy soon!!!

I can totally relate... I was so in love with my husband, he was my life literally..nothing else mattered, I was a fool. I stepped in, and raised his son, who was a huge brat, while my own kids suffered...but again, I was a 23 year old dummy, who thought she was doing some "good" in a kids life..all the while I was being walked on, and taken advantage of my BM, SF, and DH..I hate myself for the choices I made..

Now, SS is almost grown and I'm so resentful, and I still see the same patterns that have repeated over the last 13 1/2 years and I have grown to hate that kid. Not all of it is misplaced anger, there are a lot of things this kid does that makes me hate him, But he's still picked over, he still does that same shit he did when he was little, only now it's 10 times worse because he's almost grown, and I've wasted my 20's while his fucking mother skipped off, had 3 more kids, and lived life without putting up with this kid..she refuses to...must be nice to have a choice..

so my advice to you is, don't marry this guy ( I'm assuming he's your BF, right?) and if you have kids, and they are not treated equally with his kids, leave him..if I could do it over again, that is exactly what I would do..

good luck to you

I think we also hate to feel that we have failed at something that we have put so much time, effort and love into and I think that many have a fear of change, the unknown, the unexpected.

That's me exactly.

Sometimes those crazy BM's are right about their exH's...your now H's though.

I will say this-if you have an abusive or controlling H with you...there is a 100% chance he was that way w/his ex-wife also. And if she tried to tell you this and you dismissed her as crazy nutso, well that's to be expected-but these guys never do change. They'll be the same way w/the next wife.

I think it's fear of unknown and what will come next-we get comfortable even if it's miserably comfortable.

I know for a fact that I've been on my own and thrived....and in this relationship if I am unhappy or miserable or abused or controlled or disrespected I would not stay for a minute.
I've been there done that in my previous marriage-I've had NO subsequent crap relationships since then....if it turned sour I was out-and I spent plenty of time alone and healign to be able to analyze subsequente relationships...so far so good with my bf- though we aren't immune to relationship issues. I will not be afraid to bolt.

I am not tied to him financially either which makes a big difference.

I've often referred to myself as a wimp, "who'd stay in this?" I ask myself, and I do agree about being in the relationship by choice, I to, have to admit that I have a choice..and you know what? that gave me a lot of motivation, knowing that, admitting that to myself..craziest thing, I truly think I convinced myself that I had no choices when it comes to this situation...WOW was I in a fog? where has my brain been hiding for the last decade or so???

I am feeling more liberated each day, and thanks to this forum, I'm able to maintain some consistency in regards to my emotions, because you know how it is, you can take their shit over and over again, and you won't here a peep from anyone..the minute you start complaining, and defending yourself, you're known as the "crazy bitch"...