He doesn't care about her. He doesn't care what she says, he doesn't care what she thinks, so he sees no point in arguing with or engaging her. Maybe he did while they were married, like he does with you now, because when you're married you actually care. Now he just wants his kids. He doesn't want to get into it with her. He doesn't want her keeping the kids from him or talking bad about him to his kids to try to turn them against him. He doesn't want anymore legal battles. He just wants to live his life with you & he just wants his kids. Thats my opinion on it.

those are exactly the reasons my DH says he doesnt call BM out on her crap or stand up to her more. except its usually coupled w "i cant stand to look at her or even talk to her, so the less time i spend doing that, the better." to which i always think, and sometimes say unfortunately, "too bad u didnt feel that way about her befor eu got her pregnant..." i digress. anyway, its basically bc they know they are rite, hate that they have to deal w her and so would rather not. actually, come to think of it, DH has gotten much better at standing up to her once i basically forced him to. tee hee.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

they are afraid of what the BM's will do to their time with the skids and try to up CS and all the other stupid things BM's do when they don't get their way. My DH will same the same thing when asked why he refuses to communicate with BM. I think it runs deeper though.

My H BM likes to cause problems in our relationship!But if she's nagging him he'll give it to her then of course apoligize later!Which I completely don't understand!But anyway he'll never stand up for me when she tries to cause problems which makes me think the same thing,does she have something against him that he doesn't want me knowing!If he just stood up to her we could avoid alot!But instead I have to stand up for myself which just causes a fight!lol"which I always win the arguments",but if he would just say look I love my wife and I'm happy so stop trying to mess that up!Things would be so much easier,but instead she'll do things to piss me off and I'll hold it in,we'll I tell him of course but when she pushes me to far I def. let her know!Which isn't a good thing we all need to get along,but someones got to put her in her place!right?!

It's called guilt! They feel bad for not being in their childs life on a daily basis. Plus they just don't want to have to hear BM's b*tch about pointless stuff. It makes my blood boil when H won't tell BM she is wrong, stand up for himself or for me, but I understand to a degree. If he just says yes and doesn't register anything she says she just crawls back into the hole she came from.

FH said that he just wants to keep things calm and not argue about everything she will bring up unless it impacts the kids. He said that rather than go back and forth in ridiculous e-mails and constantly react to her drama, he will ignore her and continue to do what he wants. That is his best revenge. He said what really pisses her off is him NOT responding to her rants. All she wants is an audience and to argue with him about everything.
Natasha, I think it's a good idea to stand up for yourself with the BM. You don't want her thinking she can push you around. BM hates me and she knows I will call her out on her behavior. However, H has to learn to fight his battles. If everything comes from you, BM will make you target and he may resent you stepping in. I know it is hard. I always wanted to jump in and still sort of do, but I also have to realize this is his battle. If I disagree with what he does, I will let him know and he can only blame himself if it blows up.
Bottomline, BM will always try to cause problems because she realizes that she has NO control over the kids or her ex anymore.

I can argue my point to the ground. So can the BM. So can all of yall! LOL! But men just don't have it in them most of the time. I used to get really upset when my DH would cave into the BM, not tell her what should be said, etc. Then I realized something. The more he argues with her the more SD suffers for it. If he told her how he really feels about her drunken rages, stupid problems, etc, she'd make SD suffer bad. It's just not worth it.

I think what everyone said is right on. It does bother us that they don't argue with her like they do us. But thank God he doesn't, because that would mean he's still married to her!

They don't want to piss off the BM's because they don't want these crazy bitches to alienate their kids from them, they don't want to be dragged in to court and spend thousands of dollars because they are not at the beck and call of the BM and do not abide by their evermost wish. My FH finally grew some balls and set boundaries with BM and she is now telling SD15 all kinds of stories and my poor FH has not talked to his kid for a week and she is sending threatening emails to take him back to court for more money and she wants this parenting plan put in to place with all this conditions that are absolutely insane (including no co-habitation with ME in front of SD). So he finally takes charge of his life and BM is trying to turn his daughter against him. Fortunately he is ready to go to war and the BM is in for a big suprise and will fight her with everything he has because he is sick of this woman running his life. Unfortunately SD15 is caught in the crossfire - because of BM and we hope that we will be able to talk to her soon. SO men try to keep the peace because they love their kids and don't want they BM to screw em up anymore then they already have. It sucks and I am disgusted with these woman out there that need to get a life and just let the dads be a dad and leave em the hell alone and not try to run their lives. A lot of these woman think they are a package deal with their kids - that you must cater to them in order to see the kids and it's sick - I was a single parent and I have a lot of friends who are divorced and we have never heard about any of this crap until I STARTED GOING THROUGH and then found everyone else's stories out here. Another cocktail please!

I don't think my H has ever put this B*tch in her place. I have constantly told him he can tell her off in a mature way, it does always have to involve curse words etc... the BM is prob to stupid to understand the "big" words anyways. I agree with you all the men just don't care and want to avoid talking to the BM as much as possible. But when you are next to him and u hear this lady talking loud on the phone and complaining or just making stuff up or saying dumb shit like " you always have more important things to do then spending time with your daughter" that really makes me angry. It makes me want to snatch the phone out of his hand and tell her off myself. To me she has ALOT of emotional baggage and just needs to let it go, its been 5 yrs, she has gotten married, had another child, she needs to move on already. I tell my H all it takes is one time to tell her she needs to respect him and talk to him like a mature adult not nice and kissing ass one day and bitching the other. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SD TURNS 18, it may not be completely over but the BM really won't have that much to say about anything anymore!