"Forsking all others"
that is in most all wedding vows. but when it is not applied to the real life what then??
it's just funny to me how a man can put the feelings of his ex wife and his grown children before the feelings of his own wife!
bottom line....If your actions hurt your spouse, they are the wrong actions. Period!!
i guess i'm just ranting. simply writing (typing lol) it out sometimes helps!
i personally would choose my husband first! if there were something going on that caused him ANY hurt or insecurity i would immediately do anything to change his hurt feelings into love again. ive only done it 11teen thousand times!! but i get told i'm "making too much out of it". thats simply not fair and it's not the right attitude to have towards someone your supposed to love and care about!
to me, no matter how small or insignificant something may seem to others, if this insignificant thing is causing hurt or insecurity or emotion troubles, than it's not such a small thing after all!
i feel so alone anymore when with my husband. as long as i dont bother talking about ANYTHING that bothers me or is upsetting me then things are great! but as soon as i have ANY issue i'm told im a bitch, im wrong, or im simply making too big a deal out of whatever it is!!! again, not fair!
my husband, who i have never given ANY reason to doubt me, out of the blue gets a bad feeling in his head and questions me, says things like "are you being good to me"? "your not talking with any guys are you?"
i handle it usually with love, i try to console him and remind him i am not his ex wife or his ex girlfriend! that i LOVE him and he's my every dream come true.
im told i MUST do this. but when the shoe is on the other foot i do not get the same understanding or compassion. i get brushed aside.
im told constantly that i do not appreciate him and i am ungrateful, although....i have done nothing to warrant him saying these things. its just another time of him conjuring crap up in his head for no reason, it hurts when he says that!
my entire life revolves around him and our kids and our home. i do not go out with friends, i do not have a social network where im chatting it up with people (besides coming here occasionally) i do not have to work so there are no co workers involved. im just at home waiting for him to finish up work and come home to me and he says im not appreciative?
the house is clean, i am clean, i am sure to look nice, laundry always done, his glass of wine waiting for him when he walks in the door, i NEVER tell him no in the bed, dinner only minutes away from ready, he can play video games if he wants, watch tv or movie...whatever he wants to end a hectic day at work. i dont know what else i can do??!!
i tell him all the time how much i love him and how sexy he is. i surprise him with random cards, little love notes, his favorite candies, i light candle thru out the house to make it relaxing and cozy.
but as soon as i have any troubles within my own head im ungrateful because he just worked so hard all day and all he wants is to come home to a relaxing evening. not fair!!
he does not want to communicate about this problem, he swears he comes home happy every day and thats simply not true. he comes home withdrawn and grumpy. his eyes no longer light up when he sees me, hes just dead weight. in is defense he does manage to warm up after a while but my problem is there is never time for anything that i need to address!
as of recent his ex wife started playing stupid games. and instead of telling her to stop he says nothing. his kids play into it and he still says nothing.....to them! but as i cry and feel hurt and worried he mocks me and makes fun of me crying. wth??!!
just last night i talked about how i still harbor bad feelings about a termination i had when i was younger. (no idea how we got talking about this) :? he made a stupid face and said "why? it's not like it was a real baby", i tried to explain that it was MY baby and what i did, although was the best solution for my daughter who was 3 and myself a single mom, was best at the time, it was a scar on my heart that i did what i did. he brushes off every single one of my emotions as stupid and uncalled for....like there is zero importance in anything i feel!
argued the fact with me until i said i was sorry i even told him about it! UGH!!
i feel as though i should be a robot, no real feelings involved unless they are feelings he is interested in!!
That's an emotional bully
That's an emotional bully right there. Ugh. I hate that.
I'm going to offer advice - if you don't want that, I offer some solidarity in the last two paragraphs, so feel free to skip to what you want!!
Sometimes we just want to vent and bitch, ya know?
I recently am transitioning to a SAHSM situation, so I'm struggling with a lot of those same feelings of isolation and whatnot. I don't put up with the mental draining, however. When he tries to start it, I call him on his behavior and tell him to discuss what's really bothering him (stress about finances right now) or keep it to himself until he's not an asshole about things anymore.
As far as invalidating your feelings in regards to whatever you want to discuss, the only thing that will change that is telling him the same thing you said here. He sounds emotionally stunted and selfish, tbh, so there will probably be some fights.
You could try looking up communication techniques maybe?
When I was feeling ignored, I told him that I wanted ten minutes a day from him - no phones, t.v., kids, distractions, and meal times didn't count - where he and I could just sit and I could talk about whatever was on my mind, and five minutes at bedtime without his freaking ipad being on.
It's helped a lot.
I don't know if you are able to call him on his bs without him seeing it as confrontational rather than simply saying "Hey ass, that behavior isn't acceptable".
I'm sorry, I really am. As far as the mocking goes, that is reprehensible no matter what, and should be stopped immediately.
You should ask him if he wants a robot wife and give him a link to the real dolls they sell in Japan
cause if he keeps it up, that's where he is headed!
This is by NO means a healthy
This is by NO means a healthy relationship. I’ve been through this type of crap myself with one of my exBFs. This guy is emotionally and mentally abusing you. A truly loving relationship is about open communication, mutual understanding of each other’s feelings, supporting each other (emotionally). You should be able to freely and comfortably talk to your DH about your feelings, without fear of being teased or belittled. It sounds like he is using you as a trophy wife/house wife.
THIS^^^^^.....i, more than
THIS^^^^^.....i, more than most here, KNOW that feeling...
...it's not easy to talk about, but to have someone dismiss your feelings on that is just plain cruel...
this does not sound like a
this does not sound like a who simply doesn't know what marriage means, this sounds like an abusive man. you can teach a man who doesn't understand, but you cannot change an abuser.
"my entire life revolves around him and our kids and our home. i do not go out with friends, i do not have a social network where im chatting it up with people (besides coming here occasionally) i do not have to work so there are no co workers involved. im just at home waiting for him to finish up work and come home to me and he says im not appreciative?
the house is clean, i am clean, i am sure to look nice, laundry always done, his glass of wine waiting for him when he walks in the door, i NEVER tell him no in the bed, dinner only minutes away from ready, he can play video games if he wants, watch tv or movie...whatever he wants to end a hectic day at work. i dont know what else i can do??!!"
this is your problem. quit doing these things and begin having a life for yourself. sounds as if he's done what most abusers do: he has isolated you. why should he change when you so richly reward him?
omg thank you! all of you!
omg thank you! all of you! @ Botenana i do call him out on his behavior but he denies it, i tell him i know him all too well, that i can SEE when something is wrong because he is so obvious...he still denies! this goes on for about 3 days, during those 3 days other problems arise due to his inability to be honest and open and communicate. then he comes around and admits he's holding something in then we get thru it...hopefully nothing too awful has happened in between that time lol its a cycle, i hate it! and yes, he ALWAYS takes it as confrontational!
@beaccountable ohh i cried! thank you
your really touched my heart. thank you so very much for your kind and caring words.
i should find work and have more good constructive things in my life than to wait around for him to treat me better. i deserve better and i need to start treating myself accordingly!