I don't know whether I'm projecting minor issues and making them worse/bigger but I need to just vent all of how I'm feeling right now. I did try to talk to my SO about it, briefly, but he wasn't very receptive. I think that was because I basically told him I don't trust his children and that I feel uncomfortable around them.

Background is that the BM has a real issue letting go of any control she had over my SO now they're not together. She is abusive towards me, she sends text messages to him about me and calls me all kinds of names, has sent letters to my employers address, sends emails - I'm sure a lot of you have had these experiences yourselves. That is just the stuff levelled at me, she is mean, mean, mean to him. Horrible. I can't believe the things she says. Everything is done "for the sake of our precious child". She will ask a favour, like could the kid stay with her an extra day as she has arranged to have friends over and they want to see him; but instead of leaving it at that, she goes off on one, saying things like "it'd be great if he could see you were putting him first for once instead of always thinking about yourself and your controlling whore". The passive aggression regularly goes from underlying to all-out abusive.

She tells us how to arrange our home when the boy visits, how much money he should be given for his birthday, how much money should be paid for university, how much time should be spent with him etc. etc. She gets ignored or gets "sure, no problem" all of which make her following messages more bile filled than the next. Everyone in her life, for her duration of her marriage, just did as she wanted to try and have the easy life and this is very much what has continued on into the divorce.

The "kid" is 18 in a month. He is on medication for anger issues. He doesn't seem angry and he's never been openly aggressive but it's all penned in within him, boiling under the surface and you can see it in eyes and hear it in the way he snaps when he's talking sometimes. If he flipped and killed someone one day, I would not be surprised. Back when I thought I could help, I talked to him about it, he said his whole life, his BM, BF and BB had been using him as a pawn, trying to "do what's best for him". He said that it made him angry. No-one has taught him ways to cope, they just gave him drugs and away he goes. I feel sorry for him but I sure as hell don't trust him. He will always do his best to protect himself from her craziness, even if it means throwing everyone else under a bus, which is fine, accept he acts like he's your best friend. And then the little comments start, the undermining, not doing as he's asked. He's a snidey, sneaky little shit and I can't stand having him around anymore.

The OSS is almost 22, he disagrees with everything his mother says just because he refuses to agree. He uses his brother the same way his mother does and it sickens me. I can't be arsed listening to anything he has to say because it's bullshit. He's 22, lives at home, knows nothing of reality and is complete narcissist with the pretence that he has his brothers best interest at heart. I do feel a little sorry for him because his mother gives him almost as much shit as she gives his father - they just do not get along, which is a shame when it's family.

My SO just take it all in his stride, he thinks his kids are great (don't we all of our own) but seriously, the type of people they are just rub me the wrong way entirely. I wouldn't like them in the outside world, so why does living with them make it any different. I spend all the time I can away from them, my SO thinks it'll be okay when they leave home but they'll still be assholes and their mother will still be an absolute c___ who can't let go of her need to control everyone so SSSTB18's life is easier than it already is.